Category: bush

“First, we would not accept a treaty that would not have been ratified, nor a
treaty that I thought made sense for the country.” �George W. Bush, on the Kyoto
accord, April 24, 2001

“Let me tell you my thoughts about tax relief. When your economy is kind of
ooching along, it’s important to let people have more of their own money.”
�George W. Bush, Boston.

With Dick Cheney and John Ashcroft running the country, George W. Bush found
himself without anything to do, so he decided to paint the Oval Office.
After spending the day on the phone with Madame Cleo, Laura Bush enters the
office in the late afternoon to find George lying on the floor in a pool of
sweat. She notices that George was wearing both a fur-lined parka and the
London Fog Overcoat she had bought him for Christmas. She asks what he is
doing.
He replies that he wanted to prove that he could be useful and he wanted to do
it by painting the room.
Laura tells him that she is impressed at the good job he had done, but what’s
with wearing the two coats?
George replies that he was reading the directions on the paint can and it
said, ”FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!”

“You saw the president yesterday. I thought he was very forward-leaning, as
they say in diplomatic nuance circles.” �George W. Bush, referring to his
meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin, July 23, 2001

“President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that
democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a
good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can’t
even get this in Florida.”

Q: Why did George W. Bush snort a whole packet of Sweet-n-Low?
A: He thought it was Diet Coke!

“I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn’t
here.” �George W. Bush, speaking at the President’s Economic Forum in Waco,
Texas.

George Bush is out jogging one morning, notices Little Johnny on the corner
with a box. Curious he runs over to Little Johnny and says, “What’s in the box
kid?”

Little Johnny says, “Kittens, they’re brand new kittens.”

George Bush laughs and says, “What kind of kittens are they?”

“Republicans,” says Little Johnny.

“Oh that’s cute,” he says and he goes on his way.

A couple of days later George Bush is running with his buddy Dick Cheney and
he spies Little Johnny with his box just ahead.

George Bush says to Dick, “You gotta check this out” and they both jog over to
Little Johnny.

George Bush says, “Look in the box Dick, isn’t that cute? Look at those little
kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Dick what kind of kittens they are.”

Little Johnny replies, “They’re Democrats.”

“Whoa!” George Bush says, “I came by here the other day and you said they were
Republicans. What’s up?”

“Well,” Little Johnny explains, “Their eyes are open now.”

How do you tell the first Bush administration from the second Bush
administration?
This time the stupid one’s in charge.

Bush Seeks Ban on Cartoon, Cereal, Vitamins

The ongoing campaign against alleged gay icons in animated cartoons continued today as president Bush demanded that television stations stop broadcasting “The Flintstones” at once.

Harland Devane, presidents Bush�s leader of the group Focus on the Flintstones, said at a press conference in Washington, D.C. today that his organization was issuing the demand because, “Quite simply, everything about ‘The Flintstones’ is way too gay.”

The conservative activist distributed a memo itemizing over fifty ways in which the self-styled “modern Stone Age family” series promotes homosexuality, but left little doubt that most of his concerns centered on the relationship between the two main characters, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble.

“Their relationship is more flagrantly homosexual than anything in Oliver Stone’s ‘Alexander,'” Mr. Devane said.

He pointed out that Fred and Barney are virtually inseparable, are never seen wearing pants, and live together in the suggestively named town of Bedrock.

Noting that the show’s theme song exhorts viewers to have “a gay old time,” he added that the two men wear hard hats and construction garb while at work, an oblique reference to the construction worker in the classic disco band “The Village People.”

“Do I believe they are gay icons?” Mr. Devane said. “I abba-dabba-do.”

He added that Focus on the Flintstones’ efforts will not stop at banning the cartoon series from TV, telling reporters that the group is also “taking a close look” at Flintstone-related consumer products such as Flintstone vitamins and cereal.

“We are very uncomfortable with Fruity Pebbles,” he said

“I’m a patient man. And when I say I’m a patient man, I mean I’m a patient
man. Nothing he [Saddam Hussein] has done has convinced me � I’m confident the
Secretary of Defense � that he is the kind of fellow that is willing to forgo
weapons of mass destruction, is willing to be a peaceful neighbor, that is �
will honor the people � the Iraqi people of all stripes, will � values human
life. He hasn’t convinced me, nor has he convinced my administration.” �George
W. Bush, Crawford, Texas.

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning his speech to a group of
businessmen, when a little man walks up to him. “Excuse me, Mr. Bush, but my
name is Steve Case, and I’m here with an extremely important client tonight.
We’re going to see your speech tonight, and it would be a great help to me if,
when we walk by, you could impress him by saying, ‘Hello, Steve’.”

Bush readily agrees, and fifteen minutes later, the little man walks by, deep
in conversation with his client.

Bush came up and said, “Hello, Steve.”

The little man says, “F**k off, Bush! I’m in a meeting,” and keeps walking.