Category: bush

Laura Bush wanted to George W. to try a taste of a new 1-calorie cola drink
she had had delivered to the White House. George was hesitant, but Laura
eventually convinced him. She opened the bottle and poured half into a glass
for her and half into the glass for the president. George stared at the two
glasses for a few minutes and then asked Laura: “Which one do you think has the
calorie in it?”

“The problem with the French is that they don’t have a word for entrepreneur.”
�George W. Bush, discussing the decline of the French economy with British Prime
Minister Tony Blair

(instrumental intro)
Bush polls come tumblin’ down.
Exposed: his lies, so grand.
Wanted Iraq to disarm.
He should have listened to his old man.
He knows he can’t cover his error.
His CIA now abused.
It’s not too pleasant for his neocons gropin’.
Bush Boy looks dumb, and he’s singing… the blu-u-ues…
Ah…. Ah…
‘Cause Bush lies ’bout yellow cake sold.
Now he’s flogged: impropriety, foul.
The Shrub now rants in the White House:
“I want Iraq war won now!”
Lackeys are scowling that Dems have the goods,
Blunting the lies that Bush told.
Niger’s asking Bush to apologize
For lies ’bout yellow cake so-o-old…
Ah…. Ah…
What does Bush think he’ll do then?
He’s gettin’ shot down, it’s plain.
He’ll chug down a couple of vodka and tonics
To numb his poor brain again.
Sack Bush and get a replacement,
His petty regime runs aground.
Morals? Do Bushies have any?
Shilling for nitwits like Shrub, who’s unsou-ou-ound.
Ah… Ah…
‘Cause Bush lies ’bout yellow cake sold.
Now he’s flogged: impropriety, foul.
The Shrub now rants in the White House:
“I want Iraq war won now!”
Lackeys are scowling that Dems have the goods,
Blunting the lies that Bush told.
Niger’s asking Bush to apologize
For lies ’bout yellow cake so-o-old…
Ah…. Ah…

Al Gore and George W. Bush were seated for lunch in a Washington restaurant.
The attractive waitress approached them to take their orders.

“I’ll have a ham sandwich,” said Gore.

“For you sir?” she asked Bush. “How about a quickie,” Bush replied.

“Governor!”, she exclaimed. “How rude, and to think, you’re not even President
yet!”

As she stormed off, Gore leaned over the table and whispered to Bush, “George,
it’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”

George W. Bush was talking to some of his advisors, and they were discussing
spin control on his past drug problems.

“Dubya,” said his PR guy, “We’ve got to know, are the rumors true about your
using cocaine in college.”

“It’s true,” replied Bush, “but it isn’t my fault. My parents were rich, and I
was born with a silver spoon in my nose.”

“We’re all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the
mistakes we may or may not have made.”
…Governor George W. Bush

Three cowboys were hanging out in a bar, discussing George W. Bush’s visit to
their ranch earlier that day.

“The funniest part,” the first one said, “was when he kept trying to honk the
cow’s horns, complaining that they didn’t work.”

They laughed, and then the second cowboy said, “No, the best was when he asked
if being a cowboy meant that I was half-cow.”

They all laughed louder, and then the third cowboy said, “No, boys, the best
was when he tried to milk that steer!”

What’s the difference between George W. Bush and Kook, the gorilla who
understands approximately 2,000 words of spoken English?
Nobody thinks Kook is president.

Why is George Bush so hardheaded?
His skull protects the weakest part of his body.

One day, George W. Bush was putting together a puzzle. He got really stumped
and became very frustrated, so he decided to ask Laura for help.
“It’s supposed to be a tiger,” George whined.
”Honey,” said Laura, “Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!”

Game Show Set Recreated in White House Basement

President George W. Bush has sought answers on Iraq from Ken Jennings, the champion of the popular game show “Jeopardy,” White House aides confirmed today.

Mr. Bush first came to believe that Mr. Jennings might have the answers on Iraq when he saw the game-show whiz on television earlier this summer, telling aides, “That there is the smartest man in the world.”

After contacting Mr. Jennings, White House aides began constructing a mock-up of the “Jeopardy!” set in the basement of the White House and enlisted “Jeopardy!” host Alex Trebek to reprise his usual role.

Instead of the usual potpourri of “Jeopardy!” questions, however, the special White House edition had only categories that pertained to the crisis in Iraq, such as “ANGRY SHIITES,” “RUPTURED OIL PIPELINES,” and “MASSIVE POWER OUTAGES.”

According to those who saw Mr. Jennings play the special Iraqi version, the champ breezed through most of the questions but was stumped when he got to “EXIT STRATEGIES” for $100.

“The most likely outcome of the war in Iraq, this should happen by the end of 2005,” Mr. Trebek read.

“What is civil war and total chaos?” Mr. Jennings guessed.

“No, I’m sorry,” Mr. Trebek replied. “The correct question is, ‘What is a thriving Middle Eastern democracy and a beacon of hope for the entire region?'”

Mr. Bush, disappointed by Mr. Jennings’ performance, reportedly told aides, “Ken Jennings may be the smartest man in the world but when it comes to Iraq he’s as dumb as a post.”

Elsewhere, in yet another embarrassment for CBS, the network today acknowledged that “not everyone” loves Raymond.

Bush and Cheney are having lunch at a diner near the White House. Cheney orders the “Heart-Healthy” salad. Bush leans over to the waitress and says, “Honey, could I have a quickie?”

She’s horrified! She says, “Mr. President, I thought your administration would bring a new era of moral rectitude to the White House. Now I see I was wrong and I’m sorry I voted for you,” and she marches off.

Cheney leans over and says, “George, I think it’s pronounced ‘QUICHE’.”