Category: bush

One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish friend. The friend
recommended a kosher place nearby. They arrived and Dubai�s friend ordered them
both the house specialty: matzo ball soup. The waiter brought the bowls and
George looked at the soup suspiciously, but his friend urged him to try at least
one taste. So he took a bite of matzo ball and slurped some soup and clearly
liked it. After Dubai was finished he said, “Mom that was good! But tell me, do
you Jewish folks eat other parts of the matzo, or just the balls?”

The president goes into a library. “I would like a cheeseburger and fries,”
he says in a loud, clear voice.”
“But sir,” says the assistant, “this is a library.”
“Gee, I’m sorry,” says Bush, and whispers very quietly, “I’d like a
cheeseburger and fries.”

A reporter once remarked to George W. Bush: “If you win the Presidential
election that will put the Bush legacy back into the oval office.”
“Knowing Bill Clinton,” replied George. “Bush never left the office.”

George W. Bush is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner
with a box.
Curious, he runs over to the child and says, “What’s in the box kid?”
The little boy says, “Kittens, they’re brand new kittens.”
George W. laughs and says, “What kind of kittens are they?”
“Republicans,” the child says.
“Oh that’s cute,” George W. says and he runs off.
A couple of days later George is running with his buddy Dick Cheney and he
spies the same boy with his box just ahead.
George W. says to Dick, “You gotta check this out” and they both jog over to
the boy with the box.
George W. says, “Look in the box Dick, isn’t that cute? Look at those little
kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Dick what kind of kittens they are.”
The boy replies, “They’re Democrats.”
“Whoa!� George W. says, “I came by here the other day and you said they were
Republicans. What’s up?”
“Well,” the kid says, “Their eyes are open now”

“One of the interesting initiatives we’ve taken in Washington, D.C., is we’ve
got these vampire-busting devices. A vampire is a � a cell deal you can plug in
the wall to charge your cell phone.” �George W. Bush, Denver, Aug. 14, 2001

G.W.Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls
his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, Now Georgie, what you need to do is
to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you. She calls Tony Blair in
and asks, Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn’t your sister and it isn’t your
brother. Who is it? Tony Blair replies, It’s me!

So G.W. calls Dick Cheney and says, Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn’t
your sister and it isn’t your brother. Who is it? And Cheney says, Wow, that’s a
tough one. Let me get back to you.So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, Colin,
your parents had a baby. It isn’t your sister and it isn’t your brother. Who is
it? And Colin Powell says, It’s me!

So Cheney calls Bush and says, It’s Colin Powell. And Bush says, No, you
idiot! It’s Tony Blair!

The discovery that Bush’s resting heart rate is 43 has led some observers to
speculate that this is the first time we’ve had a president with a heart rate
that matches his IQ.

The winner in this year’s $1 million prize in the Pillsbury Bake-Off is a
Cream Cheese Brownie Pie created by Roberta Sonefeld from Hopkins, South
Carolina. This pie is so rich; George W. Bush asked it for a campaign
contribution.

During the Republican primaries, George W. Bush spent his campaign money at a
rate of $200,000 a day and broke Bob Dole’s record for most money spent on an
entire presidential campaign. He’s spending money so fast; a national
organization of scorned women has made him an honorary ex-wife.

Thousands of people are expected for the 15th annual Burning Man festival this
year in Black Rock Desert north of Reno, Nevada. This is the big hippie
festival, where people run around naked, drink and get stoned, or as George W.
Bush likes to call it, get ready to run for president.

George W. Bush asked Dick Cheney, ”Have you heard my knock-knock joke?”
“No,” said Dick…
“Okay,” said George, ”you start.”

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of
talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on
the side of Saddam’s chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam
presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and
punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later
the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in
the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to
put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third
button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates,
he’s finally had enough, knowing that he can’t do much without them functioning
well. “I’m going back home!” he tells the Iraqi. “We’ll finish these talks in
two weeks!”
A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the
two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush’s chair and prepares
himself for the Yank’s revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first
button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later
he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush
roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again,
and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
“Forget this,” says Saddam. “I’m going back to Baghdad!”
Dubya says through tears of laughter, “What Baghdad?”

Why does George W. Bush keep his fly open?
In case he has to count to eleven.

“I’m glad you all recovered from the president’s press conference last night.
Did you see that press conference? I don’t want to say there’s nothing new
there, but at one point the closed captioning actually said ‘blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.’ …The president was so subdued and there were so many long pauses,
the Washington Post suggested today that he may have been on drugs. Apparently
we are seeing the side effects of a powerful codeine-based smirk inhibitor.”