Category: bush

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but
unfortunately only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger says “I’m Shaquille O’Neill, the best NBA basketball
player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I died”. So he takes
the first parachute and jumps.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says “I am the wife of the former
President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world,
a Senator in New York and America’s potential future President. She takes one of
the parachutes and jumps.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, says ” I am the President of the United
States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart
from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and
I have a responsibility to my people not to die”. So he takes a parachute and
jumps.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten
year old schoolboy “I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good
person and a priest I will give you the last parachute”.

The boy replies “No problem, there is also a parachute for you. America’s most
intelligent President has taken my schoolbag…”

The answer is 10.

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed.
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for darkness.
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Haliburton for the new light bulb.
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a stepladder under the banner, “Mission Accomplished.”

7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark.
8. One to viciously smear #7.
9. One to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along.
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb, and screwing the country.
Remember- If a hearing person and a Deaf person have trouble communicating, the problem is shared: COMMUNICATION IS EVERYBODY’S RESPONSIBILITY.

How many George Bush�s does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to
change the light bulb, one to promise he’ll do it better than anyone else, and
one to obscure the issues.

George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, “I really hate all the stupid jokes people
make about me.”
Cheney reassured him by saying, “Jokes can’t hurt you. They are just made up
by a bunch of stupid people. In fact, most humans are quite stupid. Here, I’ll
show you what I mean.”

Cheney goes outside and hails a D.C. cab and says to the driver, “Please take
me to 261 M street to see if I’m home,” said Cheney.

Without a word, the cabbie took them straight to M Street. Cheney then rang
the doorbell, came back to the car and said, “Oh, I guess I’m not there! Take us
back to where we started, please.”

The cabbie did what he was told without a word. Cheney leaned over and said to
Dubya, “You get the idea? People are idiots wherever you go! Don’t worry about
their opinions!”

Bush said, “Thanks Dick. I feel a lot better.” Then he winked and whispered,
“Hooboy, was he stupid! He picked us up right in front of a phone booth. He
should have realized you could have called instead!

“The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we have the
support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq. You know, when you want
to make it perfectly clear to the world that you’re not an imperialist, the
people you want in your corner are Britain and Spain.”

“It is white.” �George W. Bush, asked by a child in Britain what the White
House was like, July 19, 2001

Q: How do George W. Bush’s brain cells die?
A: Alone!

“In other words, I don’t think people ought to be compelled to make the
decision which they think is best for their family.” �George W. Bush, on
smallpox vaccinations, Washington, D.C.

“There’s a lot of people in the Middle East who are desirous to get into the
Mitchell process. And � but first things first. The � these terrorist acts and,
you know, the responses have got to end in order for us to get the framework �
the groundwork � not framework, the groundwork to discuss a framework for peace,
to lay the�all right.” �George W. Bush, referring to former Sen. George
Mitchell’s report on Middle East peace, Crawford, Texas, Aug. 13, 2001

A young ventriloquist got the gig of a lifetime and was asked to perform at a
gala party at the White House. With his dummy on his knee, he began going
through his usual routine, which included a few standard political jokes.
In the middle of the performance, George W. Bush stands up and declares:
”That’s enough! I refuse to sit here and listen to a cynical portrayal of
politicians as stupid, corrupt, dishonest, soul-less, bought and paid for
puppets of corporate special interests. It’s insulting and I will not hear
another word of it.”

“I read that the president was interrupted 73 times by applause and 75 times
by really big words.”

Do you know enough to justify going to war with Iraq?

1. Q: What percentage of the world’s population does the U.S. have?
A: 6%
2. Q: What percentage of the world’s wealth does the U.S. have?
A: 50%
3. Q: Which country has the largest oil reserves?
A: Saudi Arabia
4. Q: Which country has the second largest oil reserves?
A: Iraq
5. Q: How much is spent on military budgets a year worldwide?
A: $900+ billion
6. Q: How much of this is spent by the U.S.?
A: 50%
7. Q: What percent of US military spending would ensure the essentials of life
to everyone in the world, according the UN?
A: 10% (that’s about$40 billion, the amount of funding initially requested to
fund our retaliatory attack on Afghanistan).
8. Q: How many people have died in wars since World War II?
A: 86 million
9. Q: How long has Iraq had chemical and biological weapons?
A: Since the early 1980’s.
10. Q: Did Iraq develop these chemical & biological weapons on their own?
A: No, the materials and technology were supplied by the US government, along
with Britain and private corporations.
11. Q: Did the US government condemn the Iraqi use of gas warfare against
Iran?
A: No
12. Q: How many people did Saddam Hussein kill using gas in the Kurdish town
of Halabja in 1988?
A: 5,000
13. Q: How many western countries condemned this action at the time?
A: 0
14. Q: How many gallons of agent Orange did America use in Vietnam?
A: 17million.
15. Q: Are there any proven links between Iraq and September 11th terrorist
attack?
A: No
16. Q: What is the estimated number of civilian casualties in the Gulf War?
A: 35,000
17. Q: How many casualties did the Iraqi military inflict on the western
forces during the Gulf War ?
A: 0
18. Q: How many retreating Iraqi soldiers were buried alive by U.S. tanks with
ploughs mounted on the front?
A: 6,000
19. Q: How many tons of depleted uranium were left in Iraq and Kuwait after
the Gulf War?
A: 40 tons
20. Q: What according to the UN was the increase in cancer rates in Iraq
between 1991 and 1994?
A: 700%
21. Q: How much of Iraq’s military capacity did America claim it had destroyed
in 1991?
A: 80%
22. Q: Is there any proof that Iraq plans to use its weapons for anything
other than deterrence and self defense?
A: No
23. Q: Does Iraq present more of a threat to world peace now than 10 years
ago?
A: No
24. Q: How many civilian deaths has the Pentagon predicted in the event of an
attack on Iraq in 2002/3?
A: 10,000
25. Q: What percentage of these will be children?
A:Over 50%
26. Q: How many years has the U.S. engaged in air strikes on Iraq?
A: 11 years
27. Q: Were the U.S and the UK at war with Iraq between December 1998 and
September 1999?
A: No
28. Q: How many pounds of explosives were dropped on Iraq between December
1998 and September 1999?
A: 20 million
29. Q: How many years ago was UN Resolution 661 introduced, imposing strict
sanctions on Iraq’s imports and exports?
A: 12 years
30. Q: What was the child death rate in Iraq in 1989 (per 1,000 births)?
A: 38
31. Q: What was the estimated child death rate in Iraq in 1999 (per 1,000
births)?
A: 131 (that’s an increase of 345%)
32. Q: How many Iraqis are estimated to have died by October 1999 as a result
of UN sanctions?
A: 1.5 million
33. Q: How many Iraqi children are estimated to have died due to sanctions
since 1997?
A: 750,000
34. Q: Did Saddam order the inspectors out of Iraq?
A: No
35. Q: How many inspections were there in November and December 1998?
A: 300
36. Q: How many of these inspections had problems?
A: 5
37. Q: Were the weapons inspectors allowed entry to the Ba’ath Party HQ?
A: Yes
38. Q: Who said that by December 1998, “Iraq had in fact, been disarmed to a
level unprecedented in modern history.”
A: Scott Ritter, UNSCOM chief.
39. Q: In 1998 how much of Iraq’s post 1991 capacity to develop weapons of
mass destruction did the UN weapons inspectors claim to have discovered and
dismantled?
A: 90%
40. Q: Is Iraq willing to allow the weapons inspectors back in ?
A: Yes
41. Q: How many UN resolutions did Israel violate by 1992?
A: Over 65
42. Q: How many UN resolutions on Israel did America veto between 1972 and
1990?
A: 30+
44. Q: How many countries are known to have nuclear weapons?
A: 8
45. Q: How many nuclear warheads has Iraq got?
A: 0
46. Q: How many nuclear warheads has US got?
A: Over 10,000
47. Q: Which is the only country to use nuclear weapons?
A: The US
48. Q: How many nuclear warheads does Israel have?
A: Over 400
50. Q: Who said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about
things that matter”?
A: Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr