Category: bush

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That’s what I want to know.
Condi: That’s what I’m telling you.
George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow’s name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now what are you asking me for?
Condi: I’m telling you, Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That’s the man’s name.
George: That’s whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle
East.
Condi: That’s correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get
me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don’t want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then
get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send
some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the
Middle East?

Bush and Cheney are at a restaurant for lunch. The waitress comes over and
asks what they will be having. Bush says, “I’ll have a quickie.” The waitress
steps back in disgust and say, “Mr. President, I thought that kind of piggish
behavior went out with the last administration!” She storms off and Dubai looks
confused. Cheney shakes his head at the president and says, “George, it’s
pronounced QUICHE.”

Q: What does little GW wear underneath his suit and tie?
A: Short pants.

A guy walks in and asks the bartender, “Isn’t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?” The bartender says, “Yep, that’s them.” So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?”

Bush says, “We’re planning WWIII. And the guy says, “Really? What’s going to happen?”

Bush says, “Well, we’re going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman.”

The guy exclaimed, “A bicycle repairman!!! Why kill a bicycle repairman?”

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, “See, dummy! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!”

Pat Buchanan, Newt Gingrich, & George W. Bush are in a boat in the middle of
the ocean. The boat is sinking. Who gets saved? The American People!

What do osama bin laden and women�s pantyhose have in common?

They both irritate the hell out of bush.

“These people don’t have tanks. They don’t have ships. They hide in caves.
They send suiciders out.” �George W. Bush, speaking about terrorists,
Portsmouth, N.H.

REPORTER: “You talk about the general threat toward Americans….And people ask us, what is it they’re supposed to be on the lookout for?…What are Americans supposed to look for and report to the police or to the FBI?”

BUSH: “You know, if you find a person that you’ve never seen before getting in a crop-duster that doesn’t belong to you, report it….”Press Conference, 10/11/01

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,
“You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will
go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?”

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and
some chalk?”

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear.
Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of
relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really ARE Einstein!” he
says. “Welcome to heaven!”

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.
Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?”

Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.” Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches
a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps.
“Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!” he says. “Come on in!”

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his
head and says, “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How
can you prove yours?”

George W. looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”

Saint Peter sighs and says, “Come on in, George.”

“There’s only one person who hugs the mothers and the widows, the wives and
the kids upon the death of their loved one. Others hug but having committed the
troops, I’ve got an additional responsibility to hug and that’s me and I know
what it’s like.” �George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

DICK & BUSH THEY FIT LIKE A GLOVE!!!!!

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our
air and water that are doing it.”
– Governor George W. Bush