Category: bush

“The future will be better tomorrow.”
– Governor George W. Bush

Why did George Bush cross the road?
Beause his penis was stuck in the chicken!

George W Bush and Al Gore (Democratic candidate) were on an aero plane
cruising across the USA.
PILOT: We are now flying over part of Brooklyn. The average weekly wage over
this area is $1.
It was only days before the election and the two men were thinking of pulling
off some stunts.
GORE: I’m going to make someone down there a hundred times happier than they
are now instantly.
BUSH: How?
GORE: I’m going to throw a �100 bill outside the window. Someone on $1 per
week will find it and my advisers have told me that that will make that
individual 100 times richer and therefore 100 times happier.
BUSH: I can do better than that. I’ll make one hundred people a thousand times
happier.
GORE: How?
BUSH: By throwing out of the aero plane one hundred bills worth $1000 each.
The pilot hears the two hopefuls conversing and decides to join in.
PILOT: That’s nothing. I can make at least 260 million people a million times
happier this instant.
BUSH & GORE: How? Please tell us!
PILOT: By throwing the two of you out of the aero plane.
ZS

“Republicans understand the importance of bondage between mother and child.”
…George W. Bush to reporters

Well, after receiving the message, the director of CIA rushed to Bush’s office
and a top urgent meeting was called. The experts from CIA and FBI were all
convinced that the message had something to do with the date and time of the
next terrorist attack. However, none of them was able to decode the message.

Faced with the possibility of an imminent attack on the nation, Mr. Bush was
getting more and more mad and hysterical by the moment. He picked up the message
again (not aware that it was upside down), read it and collapsed with a heart
attack.

The next day, all major newspapers around the world ran the news on the front
page with the headline “MESSAGE OF MASS DESTRUCTION”……………..

While visiting England recently, George W. Bush was invited to have tea with the Queen.

Given his recent political problems, he decides to take advantage of her years of leadership experience and asks her for her advice. She responds that she surrounds herself with the most intelligent people she can find and lets them do their jobs.

Intrigued with this novel theory, Bush asks her how she is able to tell if the people are intelligent.

“I do so by asking them a test question” responds the Queen. “Allow me to demonstrate.”

The Queen then dials 10 Downing Street and asks to speak to Tony Blair. “Mr. Prime Minister, please answer a hypothetical question for me.”

“I’ll do my best, Your Majesty” responds Blair.

“Your mother has a child and your father has a child” says the Queen. “The child is not your brother or your sister. Who is the child?”

Tony Blair hesitates momentarily and then confidently replies, “Well, Your Majesty, I guess it would have to be me.”

“Correct” says the Queen. “Thank you and good day to you Sir.”

The Queen hangs up and says “Did you hear that Mr. Bush? See how clever he is.”

Impressed, Bush replies “I certainly did. I’ll definitely be using that one when I conduct my next Cabinet shuffle back in the US.”

Upon returning to Washington, Bush decides he’d better put some of his senior Cabinet Members to the test. He summons Dick Cheney to his office and says, “Dick, I wonder if you could answer a question for me?”

“Why of course Sir” Cheney responds unenthusiastically, annoyed that the President was again seeking his input on something.

“Well, uh, let’s say your mother has a child and your father too has a child. This child is not your brother and also is not your sister. Who is it?”

Somewhat surprised at this odd question, Cheney hems and haws and finally asks if he can have some time to think about it.

“Certainly” responds Bush.

Cheney immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republicans and they puzzle over the question for several hours. Totally baffled, they decide to conduct some research and contact a loyal Washington consulting firm. A budget of $10 million is provided and intensive research is carried out over the next two weeks. Unfortunately, the consultants are unable to come up with an answer.

Desperate to prove that he is smarter than George, Cheney decides to take a chance and calls Al Gore.

“I realize you are just an Tennessee redneck and are not all that wise in the ways of the world, but maybe you can help me out with a problem I have.

Gore is naturally skeptical about Republican promises, but in the spirit of political co-operation he agrees to do what he can to help out.

“O.K., here goes” says Cheney. “Your mother has a child and your father has a child. The child is not your brother or your sister. Who is the child?”

Without hesitating, Gore responds “It would be me, of course.”

Impressed at the his quick response, Cheney quickly brushes off Gore and rushes to the President’s office (where he is watching football and eating snack foods under the careful observation of the Secret Service on the lookout for choking).

” I know the answer to your question, you Idiot!! I know who the child is!!”

Bush, who was privately becoming a bit concerned at the delay in hearing back from Cheney, is delighted (when he finally remembers what it was that he asked). “Who is it Dick?” he asks.

With obvious pride, Cheney replies “It’s Al Gore, George – its Al Gore!!”

Stunned, Bush shouts in disgust, “Wrong you idiot – it’s Tony Blair!!”

George Bush and Dick Cheney are watching the 6 o’clock news on TV one
evening. Cheney bets Bush $50 that the man in the lead story, who is threatening
to jump from a 40 story building, will jump.
“I’ll take that bet,” Bush replied. A few minutes later, the newscaster
breaks in to report that the man had, indeed, jumped from the building. Cheney,
feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to Bush and tells
him that he does not need to pay the $50.
“No, a bet’s a bet,” Bush replied, “I owe you $50 dollars.”
Cheney, feeling even more guilty, replied, “No, you don’t understand, I
saw the 3:00 edition, so I knew how it was going to turn out.”
“That’s okay,” said Bush, “I saw it earlier too, but I didn’t think he’d
do it again.”

President George W. Bush was getting angry about the public opinion of his
ability to govern, so he arranged a press conference to let the American public
know what was on his mind.
He started strongly, “The American People must know that I am wholly fit,
capable, and prepared to serve this nation as commander-in-chief. And I say to
those people who believe that I don’t have a mind of my own…” Bush said and
froze. He looked over at Cheney and whispered, “Dick, what do I say to them
again…?”

(instrumental intro)
He sold us sh*t that was untrue.
The polls now say he is a liar.
With no cause, he used a ruse.
World, Bush has earned its ire.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Bush and Neo-Right get fired.
This time, investigate; he’s through.
His reign of error should expire.
Tyrant whom we didn’t choose.
Made Iraq part of his oil empire.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Bush and Neo-Right get… fired!
(long instrumental break)
This time, investigate; he’s through.
His reign of error should expire.
Tyrant whom we didn’t choose.
Made Iraq part of his oil empire.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Bush and Neo-Right get… fired!
He sold us sh*t that was untrue.
The polls now say he is a liar.
With no cause, he used a ruse.
World, Bush has earned its ire.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Bush and Neo-Right get fired.
Bush and Neo-Right get fired.
Bush and Neo-Right get fired.
Bush and Neo-Right get fired.

Three little boys went out to play in the snow and make snowmen.
The first boy came in after just a few minutes. His mother asked him if he
was finished with his snowman already. He answered that he had made a Superman
snow man and it was easy, because he just had to add a cape.
The second boy came in after about an hour, so his mother asked him why it
took him so long. He answered that he had made a Harry Potter snowman, and that
it took a while to find a pair of glasses.
The third boy was out in the yard all day; in fact, he missed dinner. When he
finally came in, it was after dark, and his mother asked why it had taken him so
long. He answered that he had made a president George W. Bush snowman and that
it had taken a lot longer than he thought to hollow out his head.

� bush happens
� life is like a box of chocolates. looks like we got a bad one. (impeach
bush)
� jesus loves you. everyone else thinks you’re an a******.
� vegetarians taste better
� there is absolutely no excuse for the way i’m about to drive
� if you’re reading this, it’s time to mind your own business!
� don�t steal. the government hates competition
� i�m from texas. yep, we lug are bush. he’s jest as smart as we art
� honk if you like peace and quiet

Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a ‘get acquainted’ tour
of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked
President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to
see that the President had a solid gold urinal! That afternoon, George W. told
his wife, Laura, about the urinal.
“Just think,” he said, “when I am President, I’ll have my own personal
gold urinal!” Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White
House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the
fact that, in the President’s private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to
Bill and said, “Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone.”