Category: bush

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning his speech to a group of businessmen, when a little man walks up to him. “Excuse me, Mr. Bush, but my name is Steve Case, and I’m here with an extremely important client tonight. We’re going to see your speech tonight, and it would be a great help to me if, when we walk by, you could impress him by saying, ‘Hello, Steve’.”

Bush readily agrees, and fifteen minutes later, the little man walks by, deep in conversation with his client.

Bush came up and said, “Hello, Steve.”

The little man says, “Fuck off, Bush! I’m in a meeting,” and keeps walking.

Over 5,000 years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, “Pick up your
shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised
Land.”

Nearly 5,000 years later, Roosevelt said, “Lay down your shovels, sit
on your asses, and light up a Camel; this is the Promised Land!”

Now Bush Jr. Wants to steal your shovels, kick your asses, raise the price of
your Camels, and mortgage the Promised Land. Bush Jr. Wants to change the
Republican Party Emblem from an elephant to a condom, because it stands for
inflation, protects a bunch of pricks, halts production, and gives a false sense
of security while one is being screwed.

Well, a man comes on the 6 o�clock news
Said Saddam needs shot, Saddam needs defused
Saddam has weapons hiding
Saddam wants a war
Saddam’s got to pay
Saddam ain’t gettin’ too far yeah
He won’t be gettin’ far

My pappy tells me “Georgie, back in my day, son
This man would answer for all the wicked that he done”
“Take all the troops and weapons
Go into Baghdad, see, round up all of his bad boys
Hang them high in the street for all the people to see that”

A mailed fist is one thing you will always find
You got to threaten with your war toys
You got to draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles we�ll sing a victory tune
We�ll divide all of the local loot soon
We�ll praise our new crusades against evil doers
Singing “money for my men, blood from our forces”

We got too many arabs doing dirty deeds
We feed hate and corruption, they protest in their streets
It�s time the ol’ U. S. of A. put a few more in the ground
Send �em all to their maker, that�ll settle �em down
You can bet we�ll set �em down �cause

A mailed fist is one thing you will always find
You got to threaten with your war toys
You got to draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles we�ll sing a victory tune
We�ll divide all of the local loot soon
We�ll praise our new crusades against evil doers
Singing “money for my men, blood from our forces”

A mailed fist is one thing you will always find
You got to threaten with your war toys
You got to draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles we�ll sing a victory tune
We�ll divide all of the local loot soon
We�ll praise our new crusades against evil doers
Singing “money for my men, blood from our forces”.

Now that it seems almost a certainty that George W. Bush will become the
Republican nominee for President, attention will soon focus upon whom Governor
Bush will pick for his Vice Presidential running mate. It is rumored that one of
the names on the ‘short list’ currently being floated in upper level Republican
circles is former Vice President, Dan Quayle.

For many, there seems to be some very sound reasoning for picking Quayle. As
was pointed out by one senior official who wished not be identified, Quayle
“already knows how to do the job, will contribute gaffes that will deflect
attention away from Bush’s own, and in a cost saving side benefit will help the
party minimize printing costs for new ‘Bush-Quayle’ posters and bumper stickers
(since they can use the leftovers from the 1988 and 1992 campaigns).

Apparently, part of the overall strategy is the targeting of a key demographic
group that has been virtually ignored in previous presidential campaigns: Senile
and confused voters. One recent survey puts the ‘senile and confused’ at
approximately 3.8% of the voting population. The hope is that this group will
mistakenly believe that this is the same Bush-Quayle ticket they voted for in
1988 and 1992 and will once again cast their votes for another, albeit
different, Bush-Quayle ticket. The dilemma facing Republican strategists however
is determining how best to mount an effective campaign that will get out the
‘senile and confused’ vote. One strategist sighed, “They’re a hard group to
reach, let alone give instructions to.”

Additionally, word has it that the former Vice President is undertaking some
unique preparations for another run at the Vice Presidency. Included in his
training regimen is a comprehensive reading of Webster�s Dictionary cover to
cover as well as listening to the popular vocabulary-building program on
cassette tapes, “Verbal Advantage.”

For many, the inclusion of former Vice President Quayle on the ticket will
spell ‘opportunities’. When one reporter asked Quayle “what do you think about
running on a ticket with a Bush again,” the former Vice President expressed that
he was “clearly delighted” about it. However, Quayle did seem somewhat puzzled
and perplexed as to why Bush has now added a “W” to his name when he didn’t seem
to use one before.

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of
talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on
the side of Saddam’s chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam
presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and
punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the
second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the
shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put
off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third
button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates,
he’s finally had enough, knowing that he can’t do much without them functioning
well. “I’m going back home!” he tells the Iraqi. “We’ll finish these talks in
two weeks!”

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two
men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush’s chair and prepares himself
for the Yank’s revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button.
Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he
presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush
roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again,
and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

“Forget this,” says Saddam. “I’m going back to Baghdad!”

Dubya says through tears of laughter, “What Baghdad?”

Yesterday George W. Bush all day through was busy working with documents.
He examined his passport and driver license once again.

President Bush call in the head of the CIA and ask, “How come the Jews know
everything before we do?

The CIA chief says, “It’s simple. The Jews have an expression, ‘Nu, Vus Tutus’
(English translation: What’s Happening). They just ask each other and that’s how
they find out everything.”

Impressed, George W. Bush says he personally wants to go undercover to see how
this system works.

So the president gets disguised (the hat, beard, long sideburns etc.) as an
Orthodox Jew, and is secretly flown in an unmarked plane to New York where he is
secretly picked up in an unmarked car and secretly dropped off in Crown Heights,
one of Brooklyn’s most Jewish neighborhoods.

As the president stands quietly on a busy street corner, a little old Jewish
man comes shuffling along. Bush approaches him and whispers “Nu, Vus Tutus?”

The old guy whispers back, “Did you hear that puts Bush is in Brooklyn?”

George W. Bush and Dan Quayle where returning from hunting. The two were
dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling
his along too.

“Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something…but I can tell you that
it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers
won’t dig into the ground.”

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later George W. said to Dan Quayle, “You know, that guy was
right. This is a lot easier!”

“Yeah,” George W. added, “but we’re getting farther away from the truck….”

“I’ve often thought that the process of aging could be slowed down if it had
to go through Congress.”

Q: Why did Barbara Bush run to her son’s side?
A: To wash out his mouth with soap.

Q: Why did George W. Bush get so excited after he finished a jigsaw puzzle in
only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said “From 2-4 years.”

Why doesn’t Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?

Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.