Bush Visits England

While visiting england, george bush is invited to tea with the queen. he asks
her what her leadership philosophy is. she says that it is to surround her with
intelligent people. he asks how she knows if they’re intelligent.

“i do so by asking them the right questions,” says the queen. “allow me to
demonstrate.”

she phones tony blair and says, “mr. prime minister. please
answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and
this child is not your brother or sister. who is it?”

tony blair responds,”it’s me, ma’am.”

“correct. thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the queen. she hangs up and says,
“did you get that, mr. bush?”

“yes ma’am. thanks a lot. i’ll definitely be using that!”

upon returning to washington, he decides he’d better put the chairman of the
senate foreign relations committee to the test. he summons jesse helms to the
white house and says, “senator helms, i wonder if you can answer a question for
me.”

“why, of course, sir. what�s on your mind?”

“hush, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is
not your brother or your sister. who is it?”

helms hems and haws and finally asks, “can i think about it and get back to
you?”

bush agrees, and helms leaves. he immediately calls a meeting of other
senior republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours,
but nobody can come up with an answer. finally, in desperation, helms calls
colin powell at the state department and explains his problem.

“now looked here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or your sister. who is it?”

powell answers immediately, “it’s me, of course, you dumb cracker.”

much relieved, helms rushes back to the white house and exclaims, “i know the
answer, sir! i know who it is! it’s colin powell!”

and bush replies in disgust, “wrong, you dumb s***, it’s tony blair!”

Interception

Iraq has intercepted a phone call between George Bush and Colin Powell. A
partial transcript follows:

Powell: Mr. President?
Bush: Yeah.
Powell: I have to talk to you.
Bush: Yeah.
Powell: We intercepted a conversation on the telephone, sir.
Bush: A wuzzat?
Powell: The telephone.
Bush: What’s a telephone?
Powell: My god, sir, you’re talking on the telephone right now, sir.
Bush: Yeah . . . who is this?
Powell: (groan)

The Stupid One

Everybody’s talking’ ’bout Bush Daddy’s son.
To the whole wide world, he’s the Stupid One.
Yeah, he’s the one (Bush. Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one (Bush… Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one, he’s the one,
the one they call the Stupid One (called the Stupid One).
Shrub has wrecked our future; press gives him a pass.
He has done things we rue for Big Oil and Gas:
Polluted skies, more acid rain.
Tell the First Moron he’s also insane.
Yeah, he’s the one (Bush. Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one (Bush… Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one, he’s the one,
the one they call the Stupid One (called the Stupid One).
Bush had thought his words for war sounded sweet,
As his bombin’ tore Iraq apart, in the heat.
Killed the sick… razed the dead,
Made the whole wide world squawk, “Bush, you misled!”
Yeah, he’s the one (Bush.. Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one (Bush… Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one, he’s the one,
The one they call the Stupid One (called the Stupid One).
(instrumental break)
Bush had thought his words for war sounded sweet,
As his bombin’ tore Iraq apart, in the heat.
Killed the sick… razed the dead.
Made the whole wide world squawk, “Bush, you misled!”
Yeah, he’s the one (Bush.. Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one (Bush… Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one, he’s the one,
The one they call the Stupid One (called the Stupid One).
Yeah, he’s the one (Bush.. Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one (Bush… Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one, he’s the one,
The one they call the Stupid One (called the Stupid One).

Killing a Dentist?

G. W. Bush, Tony Blair and a couple of other people are having a dinner at
White House. Bush and Blair are talking and talking until on of the other guests
is asking G.W. Bush: “What are you talking about?”
Bush: “We are planning World War III”.
The guest: “So what exactly are you planning?”
Bush: “We’re going to kill about 40 Million Muslims an one dentist.”
The guest: “Why are you killing a dentist?”
Bush to Tony Blair: “See what I said? Nobody will be asking for the muslims.”

CLINTON, GORE, AND BUSH FACE FIRING SQUAD

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush were set to face a firing squad
in a small Central American country. Bill Clinton was the first one placed
against the wall and just before the order was given he yelled out,
“Earthquake!” The firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall
and escaped in the confusion.
Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was
reassembled and Al pondered what he had just witnessed. Again before the order
was given Al yelled out, “Tornado!” Again the squad fell apart and Al slipped
over the wall.
The last person, George W. Bush, was placed against the wall. He was
thinking, “I see the pattern here, just scream out something about a disaster
and hop over the wall.” He confidently refused the blindfold as the firing squad
was reassembled. As the rifles were raised in his direction he grinned from ear
to ear and yelled, “Fire!”

Bush and madmen:

“The most important thing is to find Osama Bin Laden. It is our number one
priority and we will not rest until we find him.” – September 13, 2001 “I don’t
know where he is. I have no idea and I really don’t care. It’s not our
priority.” – March 13, 2002

“There is madmen in the world, and there are terror.”

“A world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses.”

George W. Bush became very hungry

George W. Bush became very hungry between photo-op-stops, so he ordered his
limo to take him to a Jack-in-the-box drive-thru. The limo pulled up far enough
forward so that George, himself could place his own order. He said “I’ll have a
Big Mac, fries, and a shake.” He began to roll his window up, but stopped
half-way, rolled it back down and shouted “…and by the way, that’s to go!”

Won’t Stop Aggrieving

(instrumental intro)
Through the bombs Bush hurled,
Wants to rule the whole wide world.
With crooks of Far Right strain, attack anywhere.
He’s Bush Daddy’s boy.
Born and raised to steal, destroy.
With crooks of Far Right strain, attack anywhere.
(instrumental break)
Bush brings Iraq a smokey doom;
A hell you’ll find, a heap of tombs.
In a while, will ensnare the Right;
War goes on and on and on and on…
Dangers… waiting…
Troops shot down while standing guard.
For shadows… searching in the ni-i-ight…
Street fights… people…
Shooting anything in motion.
Hiding… somewhere; still, they fight.
(instrumental break)
Working hard to further kill;
Dubya just wants his thrill.
Sayin’ anything, against advice,
Commits war crime.
“We will win, they will lose!”
Bush says (doesn’t hear the boos).
War quagmire never ends,
War goes on and on and on and on…
Dangers… waiting…
Troops shot down while standing guard.
For shadows… searching in the ni-i-ight…
Street fights… people…
Shooting anything in motion.
Hiding… somewhere; still, they fight.
(instrumental break)
Won’t stop… aggrieving.
War for oil stealing.
Far Right… neocons… want a fight…
Won’t stop… aggrieving.
War for oil stealing.
Far right… neocons… want a fight…
(Repeat final verse and fade)