Category: bush

Saddam Hussein phoned President Bush and said, “George, I called you because I
had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of America, and it was
beautiful and on top of every building, there was a beautiful banner.”
Bush asked, “What was on the banner?”

Saddam responded, “It said Allah is God, and God is Allah.”

Bush said, “You know, Saddam, I’m really glad you called, because last night I
had a dream too. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was even more beautiful than
before the war. It had been completely rebuilt, and on every building there was
also a beautiful banner.”

Saddam said, “What was on the banner?”

Bush replied, “I really don’t know. I don’t read Hebrew.”

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all
those clocks?”
St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”
“Oh,” said the man, “whose clock is that?”
“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she
never told a lie.” “Incredible,” said the man. “And whose clock is that
one?”
St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have
moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.”
“Where’s Bush’s clock?” asked the man.
“Bush’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”

How can you tell George W. Bush apart from a cow?

By the wise look in its eyes.

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Bush
appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and
mumbled, “Now, there’s the biggest horse’s ass I’ve ever seen.” A customer at
the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him. A few
minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Mrs. Bush appeared on the
television. “She’s a horse’s ass too,” the man. This time, a customer at the
other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off
his stool. “Damn it!” the man said, climbing back up to the bar. “This must be
Bush country!” “Nope,” the bartender replied. “Horse country!”

Q: Why does President Bush have so much trouble speaking properly?
A: Poor puppeteer.

Q: Why can’t George W. Bush add 10 and 7 on a calculator?
A: He can’t find the 10 key.

“This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating.” �George W. Bush, as
quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

What did George Bush get on his S.A.T.’s?

Drool.

Bush and saddam are both driving towards each other on a motorway when they
crash bush gets out of his car and has not hurt then saddam gets out of his car
and he�s not hurt bush walks over to saddams car and says look were both un
injured saddam says yer lets be friends and not fight no more so bush agrees and
then saddams side door on his car swings open and lying on the seat is a bottle
of brandy saddam says lets celebrate with this brandy he opens it and bush takes
a swig then another then hands it to saddam and says here have a swig saddam
replies now I think ill wait for the cops.

Q: Why are all marriages now illegal in the US?
A: Bush believes homespun unions are a sin.

George W. Bush, John Ash croft, and Kathrine Harris go fishing on the lake by
George W.’s ranch. While speeding across the lake they hit a tree trunk, which
cracks a hole in the bottom of the boat. The boat starts to sink so they look
for life preservers and find only one. George W. Bush says: “I’m the President
selected by the Supreme Court. The people need me to protect the nation from the
new world order and the growth of the new economy and computers and such.” John
Ash croft says: “I’m the Attorney General and as the nations’ chief law
enforcement officer I must live so that there will be no fear or panic in the
streets, if you two shall die. And besides I have to outlaw abortion,
affirmative action, campaign finance reform, environmental protection, and same
sex marriages to save the moral fiber of this country.” Finally, Kathryn Harris
says: “I’m the Florida Secretary of State and the state Republican Chairwoman,
and I must survive so that I can deliver the votes needed by all the Republican
officials throughout the state, and disenfranchise those minorities who vote for
Democrats, so that Republicans may continue to be elected even though more
people vote for Democrats.” And the three of them all agree that each has very
good and moral arguments for the life preserver, so that they decide the only
fair way to decide is by a vote. They cut up three squares of paper and vote by
secret ballot. Then they open the ballots to tally them. The first ballot says
“George W. Bush – one vote,” the second ballot says “John Ash croft – one vote”,
and the third ballot says “Kathryn Harris – 37 votes.”

“I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and
airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport.” �George W. Bush, Washington,
D.C., Oct. 3, 2001