Category: bush

Dick Cheney, President Bush and his father are flying on Air Force One. Dick
looks at Dubai, chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out
the window right now and make one person very happy.” Dubai shrugs his shoulders
and says, “Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10
people very happy.” George Bush Senior says, “Of course then, I could throw
one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.”
The pilot rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, “I could throw all of
you out the window and make the whole country happy.”

Commonalties between Bush and Bin Laden (from received email )

1) Both are unelected, by the majority, leaders.
2) Both had training and a strong association with the CIA
3) Both were born with a silver spoon in their month
4) Both mix fundamentalist religion with politics far too much.

Subject: MEMO TO THE FAA
Date: June 2002

Dear Sirs:

I’ve had a lot of time on my hands of late and believe that I may have the
solution for the prevention of hijackings, and at the same time we just might
get the Airline industry back on its feet.

Here’s my plan:

Since Muslim men are not allowed to look at naked women, we should replace all
of our flight attendants with naked females. Muslims would not then board our
planes for fear of seeing a naked woman. Of course, every businessman in this
country would start flying again in anticipation of seeing naked women.
Hijackings would come to a screeching halt and the airline industry would
probably have record sales. Hell, I’d fly all over just for the scenery.

It truly puzzles me that our Republican Congress didn’t already come up with
this. Am I the only one who thinks clearly on these issues?

Sincerely,
Bush

5. “Is that a false nose?”
4. “You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.”
3. “I’m drunk.”
2. “You’re ugly but you intrigue Me.”
1. “I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that.”

Spokesman Shows Footage of President Tumbling from Bike

In what some political insiders were calling an attempt to lower expectations in the days leading up to the first presidential debate, the White House today announced that President Bush has an I.Q. of 67.

“The president is far, far less intelligent than is commonly thought,” White House spokesman Scott McClellan told reporters. “Even the simplest tasks remain well beyond his reach.”

Reinforcing the impression that the president will be overmatched in Thursday’s debate with Sen. John Kerry, Mr. McClellan showed reporters never-before-seen footage of Mr. Bush oafishly tumbling from his mountain bike.

“What a moron,” Mr. McClellan said.

The White House spokesman said that Mr. Bush cannot possibly be expected to do well in a debate with Sen. Kerry, who Mr. McClellan said “has an I.Q. of 193” and “is widely considered the best debater on the planet.”

But within minutes of the White House press conference, Kerry spokesman Joe Lockhart fired back, telling reporters, “John Kerry is much stupider than he looks.”

As evidence of Mr. Kerry’s idiocy, Mr. Lockhart referred to the floral-patterned windsurfing pants the senator wears while enjoying his favorite water sport.

“His ass looks enormous in those pants,” Mr. Lockhart said. “What kind of a moron would leave the house with his ass looking like that?”

Elsewhere, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said today that it was unfair to compare the upcoming Iraqi elections to those held in America, “except for Florida.”

“A British doctor says ‘Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take
a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six
weeks.’

A German doctor says, ‘That’s nothing, we can take a lung out of one person
put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks.’

A Russian doctor says, ‘In my country medicine is so advanced we can take half
a heart out of one person put it in another and have them both looking for work
in two weeks.’

An American doctor, not to be outdone, says, ‘You guys are way behind, we just
took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House now half the
country is looking for work, and the other half is preparing for war.”

“I think the American people � I hope the American � I don’t think, let me � I
hope the American people trust me.” �George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

Lied ‘Bout Yellow Cake And Got A War For Me
As sung by Dubya, The Lyin’ King:
(instrumental intro)
Polls suck at home; I’m bidin’ time.
Though I failed at oil biz, this throne is mine.
But if things don’t get better, selling new wars sets me free.
Though I don’t know what to do, neocons want me.
Neocons want me.
I lied ’bout yellow cake and got a war for me.
It’s been three long years; my foes still taunt me.
Though lyin’ and still fibbin’, Bush fans vote for me.
Look tough, hear me cuss; I won’t be a wuss.
Put no blame on me.
So what? I lied ’bout yellow cake and got a war (and got a war) for me.
(brief instrumental break)
“Conniver!” world screamed at me.
But I really couldn’t care, ’cause I don’t see.
Protestors should get prison; Ashcroft, throw away the key.
A lie ’bout yellow cake uranium got war for me.
My war, I sold with ease…
I lied ’bout yellow cake and got a war for me.
It’s been three long years; my foes still taunt me.
Though lyin’ and still fibbin’, Bush fans vote for me.
Look tough, hear me cuss; I won’t be a wuss.
Put no blame on me.
So what? I lied ’bout yellow cake and got a war (and got a war) for me.
(instrumental break)
Now the whole damned world is jeering…
‘Cause they don’t believe in me…
My lie ’bout yellow cake still got a war (still got a war) for me.
They’re dumb at home…
Eat your yellow cake, and vote for me…
Eat your yellow cake, and vote for me…
Eat your yellow cake, and vote for me…

Once upon a time there was this democratic sen. he fought Bush tooth and nail.
Well just say sen. Welstone of m.n.

Gorge boy getting very upset and could not find any way to get rid of
welstone. So he called crying to his dad and said� dad I am going to lose m.n.
To the democrats.hes dad replies� I know, but I will take care of this just like
I took care of you d.w.i.’s, your drug charges and your school grades”. So with
that said little gorge boy wiped his tears and said “thank you daddy”. A week
goes by and nothing happens and welstone is still winning. So gorge boy calls
his daddy again and says, “I thought you were going to take care of this”. His
father replies, “I have, I put one of mr lautens suicide pilots in place of his
reg. pilots. This way not only will you get to see him crash and burn but you
will be also able to see what is going to happen in just a few weeks; oh by the
way do not read the cia reports on your desk, that way after planes start
falling out of the sky you can just say it was the cia fault for not keeping
tabs on terrorist activity”. With that said gorge boy tell his dad “what would I
do with out you”. His father says laughing ” well you would just be getting out
of prison and would be working at mucky d’s right now!!!” gorge boy says with
excitement “really I always wanted to be a manager at micky d’s!!!

An Israeli doctor says “Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take
a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 6
weeks.”
A German doctor says “That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one
person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 4 weeks.
A Russian doctor says “In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take
half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking
for work in 2 weeks.”
The Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says “You guys are way behind, we
recently took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House for
four years, and now half the country is looking for work.”

“The question we need to ask: Is our children learning?”

“I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun”.

“There needs to be an effort against racial profiling, which is illiterate
children”.

“There’s no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the
horizon were getting nearly directly overhead.” �George W. Bush, May 11, 2001