Category: body & health

Two guys are sitting in a mental asylum. One says to the other,
“I am Napoleon Bonaparte!” The other guy says, “Yeah, and God
told me I’m normal.” Then you hear a scream from a corner, “No I
did not!!!”

A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four”.

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.

This time the husband crosses his fingers and says “Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!”.

Again, there’s a bright flash…and then his legs fall off!

What Men Would Do If They Had A Vagina For A Day
1. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers
2. Squat over a handheld mirror for an hour and a half
3. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch
4. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes…BEFORE
closing time
5. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more
without sleeping first.
6. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too
7. Finally find that damned G-spot

What Women Would Do If They Have A Penis For A Day
1. Find out what’s so fascinating about “beating your meat”
2. Determine why you can’t hit the bowl consistently.
3. Find out what it’s like to be on the other end of a surging
orgasm
4. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as
funny as it looks
5. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
6. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
7. Get a blow job

Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn`t bring himself to tell his fiancee` about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, “Darling, I`ve got a big surprise for you,” at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.

The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. “Now don`t forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise,” said the bride.

Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife`s hand on the stump.

“Hmmmmm,” she said softly, “that IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I`ll see what I can do!”

A little boy had never seen his mother naked before. One day he
saw and then he went to his father and asked, “Daddy, whats that
hairy thing down there. The father didn’t know what to say. He
quickly said, “Oh thats a sponge.” The next day the father got
home and asked the boy what he did today. He said, “Well, I
watched cartoons while mommy was upstairs washing the plummer’s
face.”

3 men went to wales on a camping trip and had a great time fishing in the day but when it got to night fall all three of them were freezing so they all huddled together to keep warm. Eventually they fell asleep.

The next morning the first man woke up and said “I had a dream last night that someone was holding my penis” and with that the second man said “I had a dream that someone was holding my penis too” and the man who was sleeping in the middle said “Thats funny, I had a dream last night that i was skiing!”

a man and a woman were having plaesure in a car. the man got
hungry and bought two snickers. hewalked out of the store and
saw three nuns,so he jumped in front of the bushes.one nun saw
his pee wee and said a snack machine, so she threw some money on
the ground and pulled on his penis and threw out one of his
snickers, the second nun does the same and he threwout his his
second snickers.the third nun does the same and she says ooo!
hand creme.

This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his lustful desires rise to a fever pitch.He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says, “I hope you don’t mind but I’m busting to have a piss”.Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, “OK why don’t you go behind these bushes”.She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.He shouts in horror “My God, don’t tell me your really a bloke!”.”No” she replies”, “I’ve changed my mind, I’m having a shit instead.”

There are two sperm and they’re swimming and swimming and
swimming for what seems like forever. They’re starting to get
tired and one sperm says to the other, “Do you think we should
pull over and ask for directions?” The other sperm replies,
“Naaaahhhhh, we can find it.”

So, they keep swimming. Finally, they see another sperm, who’s
almost dead and decide to stop and ask for directions. They ask,
“Do you think you can help us get to where we are going?” The
almost dead sperm says, “I’ll try, where ya going?” The two
sperms reply, “Well, we’re trying to find the fallopian tubes so
that we can try and fertilize the egg.”

The almost dead sperm just starts laughing. The other two sperms
look at one another, somewhat confused, and ask, “What’s so
funny?” The almost dead sperm finally regains his composure and
replies, “Well, you guys have a long way to go…you’re still in
the esophagus.”

A young courting couple are out for a romantic walk along a
country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his
lustful desire rises to a peak. He is is just about to get
frisky when she says, “I hope you don’t mind but I really do
need to have a piss.” Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he
replies, “OK why don’t you go behind this hedge.” She nods in
agreement and disappears behind the hedge.

As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down
her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable
to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer he reaches
through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He
quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and
with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick
appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, “My God
Mary have you changed your sex?!” “No,” she replies, “I’ve
changed my mind, I’m having a shit instead.”

Don’t try to understand the theory of relativity.

Relativity is like an erection – the more you think about it, the harder it gets.

Q: Why cant Sadam have sex with his wife?
A: Everytime he opened her legs he saw bush!