Category: body & health

A man is having terrible headaches. He can’t sleep, eat, think,
or do much of anything because of the pain. Several doctors
examined him and couldn’t determine the cause of his problem. He
finally went to one of the top neurological specialists in the
country who examines him and says, “I’ve found the cause of the
pain. Your testicles are pushing up into your spine. The
constant pressureon the spine causes the headaches. The only
thing I can do is perform surgery and remove your testicles.”

The man is shocked to hear this but the decision is not
difficult as he know he cannot stand the pain of the headaches.
He has the surgery and immediately fells like a new man. The
pain is completely gone and he feels like he has a new life. He
is so happy he decides to buy himself a new suit. He goes to a
small men’s shop and tells the old tailor that he wants to buy a
suit.

“Sure,” says the tailor. “You’re a 42 long, right?”

“Wow, how did you know?” says the man.

“Hey, I’ve been in this business a long time. You learn a few
things” said the tailor.”

The tailor brought the man a suit that fit perfectly. It looked
so good that the man decided to buy a new shirt to go with it.

“16, 34, right?” said the tailor.

“Right again!” said the man. “You’re amazing.”

“Hey, I’ve been in this business a long time. You learn a few
things”.

The tailor brought a shirt and tie and they looked great. The
man said, “Hey, let’s go for broke. Give me a pair of the silk
boxers too.”

The tailor said, “36 right?”

“I’m disappointed,” said the man. “But 2 out of 3 is still good.
I wear size 34 boxers.”

The tailor said, “Hey, I’ve been in this business for a long
time and I think you need 36.”

The man replied, “It’s obvious you know your business but I’ve
worn size 34 for as long as I can remember. I’m going to have to
disagree with you on this one”.

“Hey look,” said the tailor, “I’ll sell you whatever you want.
But I’ve been in this business a long time. If you wear a size
34 it’s gonna push your nuts up into your spine and give you
terrible headaches.”

After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over,
pulled
out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

There might be some matches in the top drawer.”

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of
matches
sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally,
the guy began to worry.

“Is this your husband?” he inquired nervously. “No, silly,” she
replied, snuggling up to him.

“Your boyfriend then?” he asked. “No, not at all,” she said,
nibbling away at his ear.

“Well, who is he then?” demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the
girl
replied, “That’s me before the operation.”

Man and a woman had been dating for about a year and their
relationship was taking a turn towards getting serious. Man
proposed and she accepted, however she told him that she wanted
him to know that her chest was just like a babys. He said that
he loved her and that her measurements didn’t matter to him. He
also told her that his penis was also like a baby. She said that
she loved him and size didn’t matter.

Come the day of the wedding and all went well. That night the
happy couple checked into the honeymoon suite at the resort
hotel. The blushing bride was in the bathroom putting on a sexy
nightie. Her husband was in the bed waiting. As she entered the
bedroom, she reminded him of her confession about her chest
being like a baby.

“Don’t worry honey” he said. She took her night gown off and her
breasts were the smallest he had ever seen. He said that he was
going to get undressed and reminded her of his confession about
his penis being like a baby.

As he took his pants off the new bride said, “Good God All
Mighty. I thought you said your penis was like a baby” “It is,”
he said, “9 pounds and 21 inches long!”

Q. Why do the teletubbies only have onr toilet?A. Because the’ve only got one tinky-winky

What’s the difference between 3 golf balls and a period?

You can’t gargle 3 golf balls!!!

A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her
that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten
years and had wanted a baby very badly. she got on a bus, and on
her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with
someone.

The gentleman sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to
share the good news with. Sir, she said, I just received the
best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with
someone or I’ll bust. She told him the news that the doctor had
told her about being pregnant.

The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his experience. He
said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens laying
eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning
and all of his hens had layed eggs. I was so happy, “but
confidentially, I changed cocks.” he said. The newly pregnant
woman responded, “Confidentially, me too.”

He said….Do you love me just because my father left me a
fortune?
She said…Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left
you the money.

He said… Why don’t you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said…I would, but you’re never there.

She said…What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said….It’s not my fault…I ran out of money.

He said… Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make
love to you in the worst way.
She said…Well, you succeeded.

He said….Shall we try a different position tonight?
She said…That’s a good idea, you stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart.”

your right leg is Christmas your left leg is Thanksgiving can I get in between the holidays?

one day there was a man that was having severe headaches. when he went to the doctor the doctor had told him that the only way to get rid of this pain was by cutting of his balls. the man said was uneasy about it and didnt want to but then his head started hurting again so he cut them off. he was feeling so good after that that he went to buy himself a new shirt. as he walked into the door the clerk said ” size 30″
the man said “how did you now?”
the clerk said “ive been doing this for 10 years, i know these things”
so the man bought the shirt. he was felling so happy about the shirt thatt he went to buy some socks.
again when he walked in the clerk said “size 12”
“how did you know?”
“ive been doing this for 20 years, i know these things”
the man felt so great about his new socks that he went to buy some boxers
when he walked in the clerk said “size 30”
“nope,size 28!”
“are you sure? i think its size 30”
“yep. im sure. all my boxers are size 28”
“i dont know… ive been doing this for 30 years and i know that if boxers are to tight your balls squeeze together and you get severe headaches”

why dont chickens wear underware?

because their peckers are on their face

How do you make a kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it!!!

One night, a king a queen a prince and a princess were at a bar and they decided to take a vacation to colorado and they get on the plane and then the plane crashes. The king, the queen, the prince and the princess all die, who was left?

The night was left because when you say this to someone the will think it is the night sky, unlike the person!!!!

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Why was piglet looking in the toilet?

He was looking for pooh!!!!!

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There was a man and he walked into a drinking bar and another man gave him a glass of water and then pointed a gun at him, why did he do this?

He had the hiccups!!!!