Category: body & health

two men were at a bar and 1 man pulled out a cigar but he didnt
have a lighter,so he asked his buddy if a lighter,as he said yes
he pulled out a 12 inch. lighter that said bic. on it,the other
man said “o its a bic,i’ve seen those b4,but thats the biggest 1
i’ve ever seen!”he said “were did u get it?””i got it from my
genie said the other man”u got a genie?”the other man replied
with”yes,i sure do”so the other man said can i see him?” so the
other man pulled his genie out of his bag.the other man said “
can i make a wish?”th genie said”well of course”so the other man
said”i want a million bucks” so the genie went away and all of a
sudden a million ducks..the man said”I WISHED 4 A MILLION BUCKS
NOT A MILLION DUCKS!!!”the other man said”o i didnt tell u? the
genie has a bad hearing” the other man said o so now u tell
me…what a rip off..” the other man says,”tea,i know,you dont
think i acctuly wished 4 a twelve in. bic

Q. Why do women have boobs?

A. So men have something to look at while they are talking to them.

WHY DO THEY MAKE GLOW IN THE DARK CONDOMS? SO GAY GUYS CAN PLAY STAR WARS AT NIGHT

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men’s toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn’t reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one. As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child.”I guess you must be in the fifth,” she said.”No ma’am,” he replied, “I’m in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow

head… ha ha ha, leg… ha ha ha, toe, liver, chicken!

A man and his wife were doing yard work outside. The wife goes
inside to take a shower. The husband was still outside and
wanted to rake up the leaves on his front lawn, but he couldn’t
find the damn rake.

He yells to his wife, who looks out the upstairs bathroom
window, “Where’s the rake?” Unfortunately she can’t hear him. So
he decides to point to his eye (meaning I), points to his knee
(meaning need), and then makes raking motions. She has no idea
what he means and yells, “What?” So he goes through the whole
routine again.

She nods, this time, like she understands what he’s trying to
say and, then, points to her eye, points to her left breast,
points to her ass, and points to her crotch. Her husband is
totally confused (and somewhat aroused), so he goes into the
house, runs up the stairs, and leans his head around the corner.
“What did you say?” he asks. She replies, “Eye, left tit,
behind, the bush.”

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The
four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.

Then, the young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1, I will
show you my legs.”

The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs.

Then she says, “If each of you gentlemen will give me $10, I’ll show you
my thighs,” Men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill.
The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her undies.

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off
their coats. Then the young girl says, “If you will give me $100, I will
show you where I was operated on for appendicitis.” Naturally, all three
fork over the money. Then the girl turns to the window and points to a
hospital in the distance and says, “There!”

A man and a woman had a dog. There dog slept with them, but the
dog had the problem of snoring extremely loud. The woman finally
got fed up and went to the vet to see if he could help.

The vet replied, “Tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles. It
will stop his snoring.

To that the woman replied, “Ha! Yeah right!

That night while the woman was trying to sleep, the dog’s
snoring became so nerve racking, that she rummaged through her
closet and finally found a red ribbon. She carefully tied it
around the dog’s testicles and almost immediatley, his snoring
stopped.

Satisfied, the woman went to bed. As she began to dose off she
heard her husband enter the bedroom from a night of drinking
with his friends.

The man climbed into bed and began to snore louder than the dog
had done. The, woman was thinking that maybe tying a ribbon
around the man’s testicles would fix his problem to.

Again, she rummaged through the closet until she came across a
blue ribbon. She tied it around the man’s testicles, and, like
the dog, he stopped snoring almost immediatley.

Now the woman went to bed happy.

The next morning the man woke up before the woman. He went to
the bathroom to take an early morning wizz. When the man dropped
his pants, he was shocked to see he had a blue ribbon around his
testicles! Then the dog walked in and the man noticed the red
ribbon around the dog’s testicles.

To this the man said, “I don’t know where we were or what we did
last night, but it looks like we got first and second place.”

The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemlpoyed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1st, 2004 your penis will be taxed according to size. The brackets are as follows:

10″- 12″ Luxury Tax……….$30.00
8″- 10″ Pole Tax………….$25.00
5″- 8″ Privilege Tax………$15.00
4″- 5″ Nuisance Tax……….$ 3.00

Males exceeding 12″ must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4″ is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!

Sincerely, Pecker Checker IRS

*****NOTE***** We are still waiting for answers for the following questions:

– Are there penalties for early withdrawals? – What if one’s penis is self employed? – Do multiple partners count as a corporation? – Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes? – Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?

Why did the condom go flying across the room?

It got pissed off!

A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.”

The small guy faints.

The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, “What’s wrong with you?”

The small guy says, “Excuse me, but what did you say?”

The big dude looks down and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.”

The small guy says, “Thank God! I thought you said ‘Turn around’.”

There was once a guy whose tongue was so long that when he stuck it out for the doctor, the nurse went, “Aaaaaahhh!!!”