Category: body & health

yo momma got one leg,and one eye.So they call her i-lean

Sung to the tune of “The Beverly Hillbillies”

Come and listen to my story ’bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with little fraction gone,
It seems one night after gettin’ with the wife,
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis, that is.
Clean Cut. Missed his nuts.

Well, the next thing you know there’s a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena’s in the car taken’ Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded a bend.
Curve, that is.
Tossed the nub. In the shrub.

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed “Over there”
To John Wayne’s henry that was waving in the air.
Found, that is.
By a fence. Evidence.

Now peter and John couldn’t stay apart too long
So a dick doc said, “Hey, I can fix that dong!”
“A needle and a thread is all we’re gonna need”
And the whole world waited till they heard that
Johnny peed.
Whizzed, that is.
Even seam. Straight stream.

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court
With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only thing they didn’t show on tape.
Video, that is.
Unexposed. Case Closed.

Ya’ll sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear?

Take the test…NO CHEATING!

What does:
A woman do sitting down?
A man do standing up?
A dog do on three legs?
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Got your guess ready yet?
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GET YOUR MIND OUR OF THE GUTTER!
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They shake hands!

Once there were seven wise men, who made up there mind to build a pussy of there own design. The first was a carpenter full of wit, with a hammer a chisel he made the slit. the second was a black smith, black as coal with an amble and chisel he made the hole . The third was a fisherman old and bent, with his old gray beard he gave it the scent. The forth was a tailor tall and thin, with a pretty red ribbion he lined it with in. The fith was a furreror, tall and stought, with a hide of a bear he lined it without. The sixth was a doctor with an MD Degree, he patted it and felt it and said it would pee. The seventh was a rabi and a mean litle runt, he kissed it and blessed it and called it a CUNT

A starving man has been walking through the woods for days. He
has no food, and no shelter. As he is walking he comes upon an
old house. Glad to finally see some civilization he runs to the
door and raps on it loudly. An old man answers. The starving man
asks the old man if he will give him shelter and food for the
night. Saying that he will be gone in the morning. The old man
agrees, saying that he can stay on one condition only. He must
not go any where near his granddaughter. If he does, he will
regret it greatly. The starving man agrees…after all, what
kind of girl would live so far out in the woods?

That night at the supper table the man and the granddaughter
can’t keep their eyes off each other. They decide to meet up
later on. And when they do, it’s like nothing either of them
have ever experienced before.

The next morning the man suddenly wakes up in his own room
because he feels a heavy weight on his chest. He looks down and
sees a rock sitting there. On it, it says “First Worst Torture
Test Known to Man–Rock on Chest.” The man laughs and thinks, is
this all? This is going to be easy. So he gets out of bed, and
throws the rock out the window. As the rock is hurtling toward
the ground below he notice’s another note stuck to the other
side of the rock it reads “Second Worst Torture Test Known to
Man–Rock Tied to Left Testicle.” In a panic the man tries to
reach for the rock, realizing that it is too far out the window
to catch, he decides to jump out after it. On his way down, the
man sees a third note taped to the side of the building, it
reads “Third Worst Torture Test Known to Man–Right Testicle
tied to bedpost.”

Knock Knock Who’s there? Madam Madam who? MADAM FOOTS STUCK IN THE DOOR!

one day a guy walks in a store and says i need a urdel the manager says we have mirror wood and glory he takes the mirror
the scond guy walks in and says i need a urdel so he takes the wood and the third guy
comes in and say the same thing and takes the glory one week later the first guy comes in and says i hate you and the manegers says why the guy says because every time i take a piss my piss bounces off the mirror and hits me the next guy says the same thing except every time he takes a piss he get splinters in his dick the third guy comes in and says i love you and the maneger says why the guy says becase everytime i take a piss a big mouth come out and sucks my dick

their this kid how cames in with no pants on the teacher asks him where were you and he on blueberry hill ok go get same pants on the second guy cames in with no pants on and the teacher asked him the same thing and he said i was on blueberry hill then they see this girl and the teacher asks her how are you am blueberry hill!!!

A guy walks up to his friend ans says ”why do you have ‘R’ and ‘L’ on your hands?”

He replies ”So I know which is my left and which is my right”

‘Oh” says the guy ”Now I know why my wife has C and A written on her panties!”

Q: How can you tell the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

A: SNOWBALLS!!!

public transport are putting fairs up ie: tube fairs are going up an arm and a leg and london bus fairs are going thru the roof!!

A lady walked in a store and a man came walking past and said your hair smells good.The lady just kept walking. The next day the lady went into the same store and the same guy came walking past and said your hair smells really really good. The lady got mad and went to see the manager of the store and told him about the guy. The manager said what’s so bad about that. The lady then said he was a midget!