Category: body & health

theres this boy. his mom tells him that if he sees a naked women
he will turn to stone so the kid walks away laughing. So he was
walking down the street and his friends are all in a circle
around a prostitute. so they pay her to strip. she gets naked
and the boy starts to run away . so one of his friends catches u
to him and says why r u running away and he says mommy told me
if i see a naked women i will turn into stone and i think i am
getting hard

boy:i have 5 conkers
girl:i have 6 conkers
boy:i have 10 marbles
girl: i have 12 marbles
boy takes off his pants
boy:i bet you haven’t got one of these
girl:no i haven’t
taking off her skirt
girl: but i have one of these and with one of these i can get as
many of those as i want

yo momma got a eye on her knee and they call her NEECEE.

Why do jewish women prefer circumsized me? Because they are twenty percent off.

There once was an old man from Trent, Whose penis was crooked and bent, And so to save trouble, He put it in double, And instead of coming, he went!

A fat lady rides the bus to work every day. Today she’s in some
discomfort because she has a pain in her lower abdomen. She
finally realizes that its just a tremendous build up of gas from
something she ate. The bus is quite crowded and she doesn’t know
what to do. Then she remembers that pretty soon the bus will run
across some railroad tracks and it will rattle and bang and make
lots of noise. She will be able to pass this gas and nobody will
know.

What she doesn’t know is that the bus driver has grown tired of
all the noise the bus makes when it rattles and bangs across the
railroad tracks. So last night he stayed after work and had the
maintenance crew tighten up all the loose bolts and lubricate
all the moving parts to quiet down the old bus.

Well, here come the railroad tracks, the fat lady raises up on
one cheek and lets it rip. It was one long, loud, juicy sounding
fart. The bus didn’t rattle and bang like it usually did and now
you could hear a pin drop inside the bus as everybody started
looking around.

The fat lady thought that maybe no one knew who did it and that
she should just act natural. She thought she should just start a
conversation with someone as if nothing had happened. She leaned
over to the man sitting across the aisle and casually asked him,
“Do you have a transfer?” He politely responded, “No I don’t,
but the next tree we pass I will try and grab you a handful of
leaves.”

There’s a celery, a carrot, and a dick talking.

The celery was like “Man, I got it bad, they chop me up and put me in cold water!”

Then the carrot was like “You think you got it bad they chop me up and stick me in HOT water!”

Then the dick said “Ya, well I got it the worst.
They put me in a plastic bag, stick me in a dark cave, and make me do push-ups until I puke!”

Q. What goes ha, ha, thump?

A. Someone laughing his head off.

ok there is this guy and he is having problems going to the bathroom ,so he goes to the docter and he says hey doc look can you help me out or what . so the doc puts his hand up the guys but and pulls out a remote. man no wonder why i always farted the volume on the tv went up,

Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize. Tom won the first prize – a whole year’s supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Dick was the winner of the second prize – six month’s supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti. And Harry won the sixth prize – a toilet brush. When they met in the pub a week later, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. ‘Great,’ said Tom. ‘I love spaghetti.’ ‘So do I,’ said Dick. ‘And how’s the toilet brush, Harry?’ ‘Not so good,’ Harry said, ‘I reckon I’ll go back to paper…’

When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned, so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination, the physician explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph’s condition could be cured through corrective surgery.

“How long will Ralph be on crutches?” the wife asked anxiously.

“Crutches? Why would he need crutches?” responded the surprised doctor.

“Well,” said the wife coldly, “You ARE planning to lengthen Ralph’s legs, aren’t you ?”

After a hot, hard day’s work Joe went into a bar to quench his thirst. He walked up to the bar and asked the bartender for a beer.

The bartender replied “There’s one thing every man has to do here before getting served. You have to tell me the name of your penis.”

Joe thought it was a bit silly and asked the bartender what he named his. The bartender said ” I named mine Nike…like you know…just go for it!”

So he thought about it for a few minutes then said ” I got one…Secret.” The bartender said “Why Secret?” Joe said “Well…it’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.”