Category: body & health

A man went to bed with two women, how many ANIMALS were in the bed the next morning?

12…

3 asses
6 calves
2 pussies
and
1 dead cock!!!

A young man goes to a doctor for a physical examination. When he
gets into the room, the man strips for his exam. He has a dick
the size of a little kid’s little finger.

A nurse standing in the room sees his “Little Willie” and begins
to laugh hysterically.

The young man gives her a stern look and says, “You shouldn’t
laugh, it’s been swollen like that for two weeks now!”

Your so skinny you look like a penny

You so fat you went into 7-11 and didnt come out till 12:15.

Theres this man with a one inch penis who is very ashamed of his
“family jewels”.
One day he gets asked out on a big date and decides to seek help
from a professional about his rather small willy.
“Doctor,” he said “can you please help me, I have a date tonight
and I cant go looking like this.”
The doctor handed him some medication and said , “Take this now
and whenever someone apologises to you your dick will grow an
inch bigger.”
Well the man was very excited about this and took the medication
right away. On his way home he “accidentally” bumped into a
woman who immediately exclaimed , “Oh Im sorry.”
He rushed into a nearby alleyway to check out the goods and sure
enough it was an inch bigger!
He came out of the alleyway and bumped into another stunned
pedestrian who also exclaimed , “Oh Im sorry.”
The man rushed into the nearest public loo and checked out his
penis again and it was yet another inch bigger.
The man was almost to his building when he made the mistake of
bumping into a Japanese woman who bowed her head , put her hands
together in a sort of praying motion and said , “1 thousand
apologies, 1 thousand apologies.”
Well the man rushed upstairs and his dick was SOoooooooooooooooo
long it wouldnt even tuck into his sock safely so he wrapped it
around his neck and painted it pink and white like a scarf.
Well the date went fine until the couple went to the movies .
His date was patting his scarf all night until finally the man
with the microphone said , “Could the man with the pink and
white scarf – please stop squirting milkshake on the roof!!!!!!!”

you know why a man has a hole in the end of his penis? To get oxygen to his brain

What kind of bees make milk ?

Boobies!

you know what they say BIG HANDS /BIG…

There were these two canibles (people who eat other people)…
and they were eating this guy. One started eating at the top,
and one at the bottom. The canible at the top said to the
canible at the bottom ‘How are you doing?’ The canible at the
bottom looked up and said ‘I’m just having a ball!’

20. The cucumber has left the salad.
19. I can see the gun of Navarone.
18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging
out.
17. You’ve got Windows in your laptop.
16. Sailor Ned’s trying to take a little shore leave.
15. Your soldier ain’t so unknown now.
14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell.
13. Paging Mr. Johnson… Paging Mr. Johnson…
12. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked
position.
11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck,
Sir!
7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!
5. You’ve got your fly set for “Monica” instead of “Hillary.”
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction…
3. You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. I’m talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HIS FLY IS UNZIPPED…

1. I thought you were crazy; now I see your nuts.

President Clinton was to represent the United States of America on a highly formal, orchestrated ‘state visit’ to Great Britain. Air Force One stopped at a bright red carpet along which the President strode to join Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate 17th-century coach hitched to 6 enormous matched white horses. The coach proceeded through the streets enroute to Buckingham Palace, the President and the Queen alternating between exchanging pleasantries and waving out their respective windows to the cheering throngs. At one point, the right rear horse produced a thunderous, cataclysmic fart that reverberated through the air and rattled the doors of the coach. Presidents and Queens are, first and foremost, human beings. Their first reaction was to focus their attentions outside their respective windows, and behave as if nothing extraordinary had happened. The Queen, steeped in decades of experience living with the mundane and bizzare together, was the first to realize that ignoring what had happened was ridiculous. ‘Mr. President, please accept my regrets – I’m sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control.’ ‘Your Majesty, please don’t give the matter another thought; why, if you hadn’t said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses.’

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, a man got
a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having the time to
get the paperwork to take the puppy on board, the man just hid
the pup down the front of his pants and sneaked him aboard the
airplane.

About 30 minutes into the flight, a flight attendant noticed the
man shaking and quivering. “Are you OK, sir?” “Yes,” said the
man, “But I have a confession to make. I didn’t have time to get
the paperwork to bring a puppy on board, so I hid him down the
front of my pants.”

“What’s wrong? Is he not housebroken?” “No, that’s not the
problem. The problem is he’s not weaned yet!”