Category: body & health

A hospital patient, recovering from minor surgery, was being given an alcohol rubdown by two of the hospital’s more attractive nurses.

While manipulating the man’s body they noted that the word “tiny” was tattooed on the head of his penis.

Some months after the man’s discharge, Mary, one of the nurses, tod Joan, the other, that she had dated their former patient.
“How could you go out with a man that had ‘tiny’ tattooed on his love stick?” exclaimed Joan.

“How could I indeed!” said Mary. “It said ‘tiny’ when it was soft, but when aroused, it spelled:
‘Tiny’s Delicatessen & Catering Service. We deliver at all times, twenty-four hours a day!!!'”

This actually happened at Harvard University in October of this year. In a
biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found
in semen.

A young female freshman raised her hand and asked, “If I understand,
you’re saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in male semen?”

“That’s correct,” responded the professor, going on to add statistical
info.

Raising her hand again, the girl asked, “Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?”

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor
girl’s face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had
inadvertently said, or rather implied, she picked up her books without a
word and walked out of class…and never returned. However, as she was
going out the door, the professor’s reply was classic…. Totally
straight-faced he answered her question, “It doesn’t taste sweet because
the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the
back of your throat.”

a guy walks through a town and sees that there is a contest. . the reward is $5000.00
. . you have to make a horse laugh. . . there are a bunch of people around trying to tell jokes, funny stories and they even tried to tickle the horse but he just wouldn’t laugh. . the the guy takes the hore behind the bush and he comes out crakin up . . .he gets his reward. . . the next day the guy is leaving town and sees that there is another contest for $10000.00 you have to make the horse cry . . there are people sitting around teling stories about there familes and bad things that happened to them . . .but the horse just wouldn’t cry. . .so the guy takes the hotse behind the bush an he comes out crying . . so hte guy gets his reward and getting ready to leave. . .the people in the town saywait . . .wait. . before you leave tell us how u did it. . how did u make him laugh? He said i told him that my balls were bigger than his . . they said oka yhow did u make him laugh he said i showed him!!!!

There were three men on a ranch grooming their horses. All of a sudden, a
genie appears and says to the men, “I will each grant you one wish, then I
must go.”

The genie turns to the first man and says, “What is your wish?” The first
man thinks for a while and then says, “I wish for my dick to be as big as
my horse’s.”

The genie says, “Okay, just go to sleep, and when you wake up, your dick
will be as big as your horse’s.”

Then the genie turns to the second man and asks him what he would like to
wish for. The second man thinks hard then says, “I wish for my dick to be
two times the size of my horse’s.” The genie asks, “Are you sure that’s
what you want?” The second man nods his head. “Okay, go to sleep and when
you wake up, your dick will be twice the size of your horse’s.”

The genie turns to the third man and asks him what his wish is. “Um, I
wish for my dick to be three time the size of my horse’s.” The genie asks
him, “Now, are you sure that’s what you want?” The third man says, “Yup!
On second thought, make that four times the size” The genie tells the
third man to go to sleep and when he wakes up, he will have his wish.

The next morning, the first man gets up and shouts…”Hooary! My dick is
big!”

The second man runs to the first man and says, “That’s nothing, my dick is
HUGE!”

The third man comes into the room crying. The two other men ask him what’s
wrong. The third man replies, “My horsey was a girl.”

Once upon a time there was a lil’ Indian man who was doing
his business on the side of the highway. When he was finished he
got a ride with this man in a large red truck. The man asked the
lil’ Indian man some questions and they were on their way. About
5 minutes later the Indian man said he had to go “pee-pee”. The
truck driver thought, what a moron, and stopped on the side of
the rode and let the lil’ Indian man have his business. He
finished up and loaded back in the large truck and they were
off. About 5 minutes later the Indian man said again, “I gotta
go pee-pee!”. The truck driver getting annoyed questioned
himself about picking this Indian man up and let him go have his
business once agian. So he got back on and 5 minutes later the
Indian man again said he had to go piss. The truck driver
getting outraged let the Indian man out and then slammed the
door and took off. He sped up to 20 miles per hour and he saw
the lil’ Indian man running along the truck. He thought to
himself, this guy is stranger then he looks. So he slammed his
excellorator and was off at about 40 mph. The Indian man was
still running along the side. 45,50,55.. still there. He got up
to 70 and the lil’ Indian man was not slowing down. Confused and
frightened he stopped the truck, opened his door and said, “How
the heck can you run that fast?” The indian man replied, “If you
had you dick stuck in that dang door you’de run that fast too!”

There’s three chickens a really smart one, a kind of smart one,
and a dumb one we’re talking really dumb. The smart one yells
“Cockadoodledo.” The kind of smart one yells “Cockadoo.” The
dumb one yells “Any cock will do.”

This little girl had a nightmare she goes into her moms room and says mommy can i take a shower with you and her mom said sure but dont look down but she looked down and said mommy what is that that is my bush.
the next night she took a shower with her dad and here dad said do not look down so she looked down and said daddy what is that that is my snake.
so the next night she open the door and asked mommy can i sleep with you sure dont look under the covers she did and she said daddy your snake is in mommy bush.

the 1 major thing u never say to a naked guy on the street is:

HEY HAVE U LOST ANY OF UR DINKY CARS….CAUSE THERES 1 IMBETWEEN
UR LEGS …

mark hoppus
Blink-182-

One day, good news circulated around the testicle. Apparently,
the host and his wife had been talking about having kids. Well,
one young sperm decided that he would be the first one to the
egg, so he immediately began a rigorous exercise program to get
in prime condition for the upcoming race. He practiced for hours
a day, and soon had broken the record for laps around the
seminal vesicle.

Then, one day it was time to line up for the big race to the
egg. All the sperm lined up in the vas deferens, and the eager
sperm forced his way to the front of the pack. The go ahead was
given to start the race, and the marathon sperm shot far ahead
of all the rest. The others had just lost sight of him when he
suddenly turned around and started swimming upstream as fast as
he could.

As the others passed him they shouted “What’s wrong?”
“BLOW JOB!!!!”

A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parent’s house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn’t loud, but everyone at the table heard the fart. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women’s feet, and said in a rather stern voice, “Bailey!” The woman thought, “This is great!”, and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn’t even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and said sternly, “Get out of here Bailey!” The dog didn’t move. Once again the woman smiled and thought, “Yes!” A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn’t even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled at train whistle blowing. Finally, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, “Dammit, Bailey, get away from her before she shits on you!”

One day this couple had finally decided to have sex. They went
into the bedroom, and he put her on the bed.

He then proceded to remove his shirt, flexing his biceps. She
started to moan, “Oooh baby what’s that?” “These honey, these
are called TNT.” he replied.

Next he started to bounce and flex his pectorials (chest
muscles). She started to really get horny now, “Ooooooooh baby
what are those?” “These honey, these are land mines.” he boasted.

Slowly taking off his pants, he started to flex his leg muscles.
By this time she was all wet and rubbing on herself,
“Oooooooooooooooh uuuuuuh ooooooh baby what are those?” All big
headed and macho he said, “These my love slave, these are
granade launchers.”

Then taking off his underwear she screamed, “Aaaaaah!” and ran
right out of the room. He quickly threw on some clothes and
chased her down, “Hey sweety why did you run out of the room so
fast?” She replied, panting, “With all those explosives, I
thought you were going to explode with such a short fuse.”

Guys, see how ingrained where you stand at the urinal is in YOUR brain.Urninal (320K)Note: Our “Send this Joke to A Friend” email thingy doesn’t transmit programs. But if you see this in email, you can click on the link above!