Category: body & health

This guy has a bad case of hemorrhoids, he decides to go see the
doctor. The doctor says, “It’s not too bad, you just need to put
these suppositories up your ass.” The doctor then says, “I’ll
give you the first dose, then you can have your wife give you
the second this evening.” The man replies, “Okay.” Later that
evening he is talking to his wife and tells her what the doctor
said, and she said she would help. She puts one hand upon his
shoulder and tells him to bend over. All of the sudden the guy
screams “Oh My God!!” “What’s wrong?” The man replies, “I just
realized that the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders when
he gave me my medicine.”

When you think you have a bad day, remember this one from a
young mother:

“I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the
bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a
mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few
shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included
one with each of our Christmas cards.

Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I
stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition
to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror–wearing
nothing but a camera!”

Why did the condom fly across the room?? It got pissed off!!!

A woman walked into an antique store that was down the street
from her home. As she wondered around the store the clerk asked
her what she was interested in. She said she was interested in
buying a mirror.

He showed her a couple mirrors then told her he had a special,
magic mirror in the back. She laughed, and said yeah, right! He
showed her to the mirror and told her: All you have to say is
“Mirror Mirror on the door” then asked for anything. She gave it
a try.

Mirror Mirror on the door—Make my breast a 44

“KABOOM”

She had some huge breast

she ran down the street to her house to show her husband. He
seen her and said “damn, what the hell happened”? she told him
of the magic mirror on the corner. He raced out the door headed
to the antique shop. As he arrived he told the clerk he wanted
to try the magic mirror. The clerk took him out back where the
mirror was and told him what to say. The man looked at the
mirror and said

Mirror Mirror on the door–make my dick touch the floor

“KABOOM”

His legs fell off.

What is total agony? A one-armed man hanging from a twenty story
building, with a serious case of jock itch.

Two little aliens were flying through the desert in there spaceship one day when they came across an old abandoned gas station. The first little alien said the the second little alien maybe we should check it out…so the second little alien said ok! so the second little alien tells the first lil alien you stay here ill go check it out… well the little alien is walking around for a while and he doesnt see anything, so he walks up to the gas pump and he says take me to your leader… well the gas pump doesnt do anything so the little alien says again take me to your leader..well that gas pump still doesnt do anything, so the little alien takes out his ray gun takes a step back and says take me to your leader or ill blast you! the gas pump still doesnt do anything so the lil alien shot the gas tank with his ray beam and took off running when he got back in the space ship he said lets go lets go the first lil alien says well whats wrong, the second lil alien said i knew it i knew it i knew it any motherfucker that could wrap his dick around hisself two times then stick it in his ear is a bad motherfucker!

Ron and his friends are out at the local bar, “getting a-bit-to-much” to drink. Finally, after too many rounds, Ron leans over and pukes all over himself. “Hhey manh, looc herre. My…my honey is ggoing toh KILLLLL me! Me a mess!” he blurted. Next, after a couple “drunk” moments, Ron’s friend murmurs back, “Ittf’s okey. Whhat ya doo, is you pu…put a 10 dollar bbill in yor poket, and tell you girlfrriend that someone else ppuuked on you, an gave ya 10 buks to got the shirt dri-cleanedd! It ‘ill bee ookay.””Aalll rightf.”When Ron goes home, sure enough, his girlfriend starts screaming the living hell out of him. “You go out with your little friends and come back all puked over your self! LOOK AT YOU! You’re a mess. Everyti�”Ron builds up his voice over the hargue, “IIt wasnn’t mey. Soome othber guy, hee da one dat puke aall on me! loak, he gaave mhe a 10 dallor bill to cllean it…it…it up!”Coldly, his girl friend replies, “Oh yeah, then how come that’s a 20 bill!”Ron proudly replies, “Well…um…uh…he…uh…also shit in my ppants!”

Lunch Anyone?
A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger.
The huge guy behind the counter bellows, “One burger!”” Whereupon the chef
grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat

One day a penis, a pickle and a cucumber were all standing around talking about how much their lifes suck.

The Cucumber said “Imagine sitting in dirt all your life and then shoved in a bag

At school, a teacher puts up a question on the board every Friday. Whoever gets it correct, gets to go home early, and stay home till Monday. The teacher puts up questions so hard, that the kids can’t answer it.
One day a kid went home, took 2 golf balls, spray-painted it black, put it in a brown bag and went to school. Before the teacher put up the question the boy rolled the 2 golf balls to the front of the room.
The teacher saw it, and asked, “Who’s the comedian with the black balls?”” The kidd stood up

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was
taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she
had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, “Is my time up?””

God said

There were three men hiking in the mountains and they came upon a cabin. They decided to stay there for the night because it was getting late and it was cold. It was really cold that they all decided to slept in the same bed.

The next day they all woke up and the man to the left said, “Man I had the weirdest dream