Category: body & health

Three guys are on top of the Empire State Building and they are bragging
about how big their dicks are. They finally decide to compare them by
dangling them off the roof.

The first guy pulls his dong out and hangs it over the side and it dangles
down to the 20th floor.

The second guy pulls his hog out and lets it fly over the side of the roof
and it goes down to the 10th floor.

Then the third guy whips his schlong out and lets it fly. He then starts
shaking his body wildly. The first guy asks the third guy, “What are you
doing?” The third guy replies, “I’m dodging cars!”

Gravy Pants

Firing Scud Missiles

Turd Honking

Mud Duck

Panty Burps

Pant Stainers

Cut the Cheese

Trouser Cough

K-Fart

Crack Splitters

Turd Tooties

Anal Audio

Great Brown Cloud

Exercising the meat nozzle

one day a guy named pussy walked in the house and said hi to his wife dick head. he asked dick head if she wanted to get it going on but she said no because she had to go to an apointment.

When she got there the doctor asked dick head if she had balls to go with her dick she said yes!!!

So then the guy had an apointment and the doctor asked if he had boobs to go with his pussy. and he said yes.

So later that night Pussy and dick head had sex and dick head asked pussy what happened to your boobs and he said I was having sex with a bartender and a dog came and ripped off my boobs!!!

one day a man walks into a bar and says he wants to make a bet.
the bartender knowing the man always loses a bet asks him what
he is betting on.the man tells him he is gonna bet that he has
three nuts. the bartender says well i am going to take your side
on this one. so the man stands up and says me and the bartender
bet 1000 dollars a piece that between the two of us we have five
balls. just then the bartender pulls out this .45 magnum and
says mother fucker you better have four.

One day a lady walked into a tattoo parlor and asked the tattoo
artist, “Are you good?” He replies, “But of course!” She said,
“I need a tattoo of Mike Tyson on my left inner thigh and a
tattoo of Riddick Bowe on my right inner thigh. But I won’t pay
if they don’t look like them.” The tattoo artist agreed to the
condition. She undressed and he started the tattoos.

After he finished the tattoos, she said, “Let’s ask the next
person who walks in whether they look like Mike Tyson and
Riddick Bowe.” A little while later a man walks in. She spread
her legs and asked the man, “Do they look like Mike Tyson and
Riddick Bowe?” The man replied, “I don’t know, but that son of a
bitch in the middle sure looks like Don King.”

there was a camel and an elephant. The elephant said to the camel, “why do you have boobs on your back?” Then the camel said to the elephant, “i wouldnt be talkin if i were you, why do you hav a big dick on your face?”

ok there were these 3 guys walking along in the desert, the dry,
sandy, deserted desert after their plane crashed. So their
walking along delirious from hunger when they spot a lil shak in
the distance, & they were all like OMG there will be food
there!!! so they run up to this house and knok on the door:
“BANG BANG BANG!!”
and this lil old lady answers the door, giving them the once over
1st guy goes HI, were lost, we’re starving, please do you have
any food”
the lil old lady sais” well yes, ill get you food, but one of
you willl have to come in with me 1st” , so she chooses the 1st
and
cutest guy (natutally)and tells him to follow her, where she
leads him to her bedroom, where she then starts explaining about
the lack of
men in the deset, all the time the guys thinking OMG the horny
bugger what is she thinking? To answer his thoughts she pulls
off her cloths and goes ” give it to me give it to me”.The poor
guy looks at her ugly wrinkled body and shudders, but if thats
not bad enough her pussy is all pussy yellow and gross so he
sais no (naturally) but she goes fine, no sex no food. The guy
driven by hunger goes “oh,… ok” just as he spots some
vegetables comeing out of the cuppord, so he sais one minute so
he can get ready. While ‘getting ready’ he grabs some corn out
of the cuppord and is just about to eat it then jump out of the
window when he thinks of his friends, then he decides, well this
lil old lady’s eye sight cant be too good, ill just screw her
using they corn. like heck i aint touchen her. So he calls out
to her
“ready!”
and he starts screwin her with this corn next to the cupporn,
and when one cob gets soggy he throws it out the window and just
continous with another peice untill finaly she sais that shes
“had enough”and as promised she puts her clothes back on “thank
goodness” adn prepares a huge meal, a huge tasty meal and takes
it out side to his friends . but to the guys surprise his
friends say
“no its ok, where not hungry”
“why not??!!” the 1st guy sais thinking he didnt go through that
disturbing experience for nothing…… then his freind replies
“it’s cool, were really full from that creamed corn you through
out the window to us”

And that boys and girls is one corny joke

Why do bald men have holes in their trouser pockets? So they can run
their fingers through their hair!

A man wakes up screaming one day, picks up the phone and calls his wife who knew he was constipated the day before. When she picks up the phone he gripes, “That god damn laxative said guaranteed to work by 8 a.m.!”His wife asks, “Well did it work?””Yes!” he screams. “But I didn’t wake up until 9!”

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.

“What happened to you feet?” his wife asked.
“I had a childhood disease called tolio.”

“Don’t you mean polio?”
“No, tolio, it only affects the toes.”

He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees.

“What happened to your knees?” she asked.
“Well, I also had kneesles.”

“Don’t you mean measles?”
“No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.”

When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said…
“Don’t tell me, you also had smallcox!”

A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn’t pop up right now. As she turns back, and there standing next to her is a salesman.

“Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?”

Very uncomfortably she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?”

He answers, “Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price.”

There was a man sittin in a bar with a small head and a man opposite him. The 2nd man crossed to the first and said ” i cant help but notice how out of proportion your head is to your body how did it happen?”
The man with the small head said” buy me a beer and al tell u the story”

He bought the beer and the story begun.
” well a was oan ma ship wi the crew n the ship began to sink. I swam for a while till a saw a mermaid oan a rock. she swam to me and told me she was a magical mermaid and could grant me three wishes.”

“So my first wish was that i wood b rescued and soon a ship was sailing my way. then my second was that i wood have a big muscly body and i got one. then for my 3rd wish i thought for a while and came up that i wanted to have sex with the mermaid but she explained that since she was part fish it wouldnt work so again a thought for a while then i decided that she could give me head down below so i announced to her my third wish is that you give me a little head !”