Category: body & health

What is round and oval, always wet and juicy and most of the time it has a bad smell to it, What is it?

It is actually your mouth.
If you think it was a vagina you have a bad mind.

There was a man and a woman that just got married. And the
wife asked ” We have to have a honeymoon.” Then
The husband said “When?” Then the wife said ” I am busy on all
the days of the week, exept for Friday; lets do
it on Friday!” “No! I go fishing with my freinds on Friday, OK,
wether
you #1: We have the honeymoon fishing with my freinds,
#2: You suck my Dick or #3: I fuck you in the ass. Then the
wife thought about it and chose #2. So she gets into
the postion and then said ” Eeeeewwww! Why does your Dick smell
so bad?” Then the husband said ” A dog chose
#3.”

Consider yourself E-Mooned! 🙂 ,,,, ,,,, ..ooo*””**oooooo*””*ooo.. . o*” ”*oooo*” ” * o. . o” ”o” ”o o o *o .o o ‘o o o o. o o o o o/ o o –0– o o. /o .o ”o o o”’ oo o oo oo. oo oo ‘ooo. .oo ooo ”o ””oo,, ,,oO-‘O,, ,,,,,,.. oo” o o. ”””””” oo ””””” .o ‘o oo o’ *o oo o ‘o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o oYou have been E-mooned! Send this to 5 people within the next hour andyou will be blessed with people laughing at your E-mail. HappyE-mooning!!! This is NOT a chain letter, so if you don’t mail it out, youwon’t have bad luck. (But who wouldn’t want to E-moon a friend?)

A white guy is being shipped off to Jamaica for a year with the army.
His fiance, Wendy, is really worried about her man being unfaithful, so she asks him to tattoo her name to his penis…He agrees, and does so.

When his penis isn’t erect you can see the letters W and Y.
The woman feeling secure knowing that her name is tattooed on her man’s penis says good-bye to her fiance and he leaves for Jamaica.

One day, while in Jamaica, the guy is at the urinal and a black Jamaican comes and stands at the urinal next to him… The white guy happens to notice that the Jamaican also has a tattoo on his penis and he could see the letters W and Y, so he says to the Jamaican, “Wow, that’s really interesting, I guess you have a girlfriend named Wendy too?”

And the Jamaican looks at him with a puzzled look and then stretches out his penis and it says…
“Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day!”

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my penis I will keep, And if I wake and it is gone, I hope to find it on the lawn.

I hope the dog that’s running free, Doesn’t see that little part of me, Many precautions I must take, To keep this part I love to shake.

Much attention I must pay, To assure I put the knives away, The mower, chain saw, the hatchet too, Why there’s no telling what she’d do.

To rid me of my manly charm, I must keep it safe, away from harm, So I cross my fingers, as I close my eyes, and I cross my legs to avoid surprise!

25 slogans for national comdom week.

Cover your stump before you hump.
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
Don’t be silly, protect your willy.
When in doubt, shroud your spout.
Don’t be a loner, cover your boner.
You can’t go wrong, if you shield your dong.
If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.
If you slip between her thighs, condomize.
It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.
She won’t get sick, if you wrap your dick.
If you go into heat, package your meat.
While your undressing venus, dress up your penis.
When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse.
Especially in December, gift wrap your member.
Never ever deck her, with an unwraped pecker.
Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
The right selection, is to protect your erection.
Wrap it in foil, before checking her oil.
A crank with armor, will never harm her.
If you really love her, wear a cover.
Don’t make a mistake, cover your snake.
Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.
If you can’t shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.
No glove, No love.

Wait!!! Who the hell are making up these dumb ass jokes.well who ever is shut up and give me deep throte.
Ha ha ha ha..

A man went to a doctor to have his penis enlarged. Well, this particular procedure involved splicing a baby elephant’s trunk onto the man’s penis.

Overjoyed, the man went out with his best girl to a very fancy restaurant. After cocktails, the man’s penis crept out of his pants, felt around the table, grabbed a hard roll and quickly disappeared under the tablecloth.

The girl was startled and exclaimed, “What was that?”

Suddenly, the penis came back, took another hard roll and just as quickly disappeared.

The girl was silent for a moment, then finally said, “I don’t believe I saw what I think I just saw… Can you do that again?”

With a bit of an uncomfortable smile the man replied, “Honey, I’d like to, but I don’t think my ass can take another hard roll!”

Sung to the tune of “The Beverly Hillbillies”

Come and listen to my story of a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone.
It seems one night after gettin’ with his wife,
She lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.
(Penis, that is)
(Clean cut, Missed his nuts)

Well, the next thing you know, there’s a ginsu by his side,
And Lorena’s in the car takin’ Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
And tossed him out the window as she came around the bend.
(Curve, that is)
(Pricker shrubs, Wheel hubs)

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weanie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed “Over There,”
To John Wayne’s Henry that was waving in the air.
(Found, that is)
(By a fence, Evidence)

Now Peter and John couldn’t stay apart too long,
So the Dick Doc said, “Hey, I can fix your Dong!”
“A needle and a thread is all you’re gonna need.”
And the whole world waited ’til they heard that Johnny peed.
(Whizzed, that is)
(Even seam, Straight stream)

Well, he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court,
With a cock-eyed lawyer since his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only one they didn’t show on tape.
(Video, that is)
(Unexposed, Case closed)

A man walks into a tattoo parlour, and asks the tattoo artist to tattoo a picture of a hundred dollar bill on his penis. The tattoo artist, being a sensitive man, refuses, telling the man that it would be too painful to do that. The man insists on having it done, so the tattoo artist tells him that if he can come up with three good reasons to have it done, he would do it. The man tells him, ” One, I like to play with my money. Two, I like to watch my money grow. And three, my wife will blow a hundred bucks everyday!”

One day, a boy came home from school and said, “Mom, my dick’s too big.
What can I do?” Startled, the mother told him to ask his father. He did.
His father told him to paint it red and call it his Little Red Mouse.

He did as he was told and went to school the next day. Upon seeing the
boy’s cock, his teacher asked, “What do you call that?” He replied, “It’s
my little red mouse.” The teacher sent the boy and his little red mouse to
the principal’s office.

On the way there, he saw his girlfriend coming out of the bathroom. She
noticed his dick and said, “What’s that?!” He told her of his little red
mouse and she then did the unexpected. She lifted up her skirt and said,
“Get ’em Pussy, Get ’em!”

Top ten things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for
a day:

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping-pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes BEFORE closing
time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more
without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it
recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

And, the number one thing men would do if they woke up with a
vagina:

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Top ten things women would do if they woke up and had a penis
for a day:

10. Get ahead faster in the corporate world.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine why you can’t hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it’s like to be on the other end of a surging
orgasm.
4. Touch/shift yourself in public without thought as to how
improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as
funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction
which occurs between a man’s eye and the ruler situated next
to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final
measurement.

And the number one thing women would do if they woke up with a
penis…

1. Repeat number 9.