Category: body & health

A man with a 25 inch penis went to his doctor and complained he
was unable to establish an intimate relationship with a lady due
to his size. “Doctor,” he asked in total frustration, “is there
any way you can shorten it?” The doctor replied, “medically son,
nothing can be done; but, I know of a witch who may be able to
help you”, and he gave him directions to the witch’s house.

The man calls upon the witch and explains his dilemma: “Witch,
my penis is 25 inches long, so I cannot establish an intimate
relationship with a lady?” The witch stares in amazement,
scratches her head, and then replies, “I think I have a solution
to your problem. You need to go deep in the forest to Hidden
Pond. You will see a frog sitting on a log who can solve your
dilemma. You must ask the frog, ‘will you marry me?’ Each time
the frog says ‘NO’ to your proposal, your penis will shrink five
inches.”

The man couldn’t hide his excitement as he dashed into the
forest and located Hidden Pond. He called out to the frog, “will
you marry me?” The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied,
“NO!” The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches
shorter. “WOW,” he screamed, “this is great!! But it’s still too
long at 20 inches, so I’ll ask the frog to marry me again.”
“Frog, will you marry me?”, he shouted. The frog rolled its eyes
back in its head and screamed back, “NO!” The man felt another
twitch in his penis, looked down, and it shrank another 5
inches. The man reflected, “this is fantastic, but 15 inches is
still a monster; just a little shorter would be ideal”.
Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, “Frog will
you marry me?” The frog looked back across pond shaking its head
in disgust, “How many times do I have to tell you? NO! … NO!
… and for the last time, NO!”

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married
couple’s
house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw
her
daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work,” the
daughter-in-law
answered.

“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.

“Love dress? But you’re naked!”

“My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and
it
makes me
happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will
be
home from
work any minute.”

The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left.
On
the way
home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she
undressed,
showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door.
Finally her
husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by
the
door.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“This is my love dress” she replied.

“Needs ironing.” he said.

Yo front teeth soo messed up and cricked that they started singin {Lean on me when your not srong ill be your friend ill help you carry on}

You know how when you wake up and your dick seems like its been
awake for atleast five minutes. Then it’s like,”Hey how’s it
going”.
Also, your sitting there, and your talking to your dick.
“Hey man what happened last night”, you say.
“Well, I got a bit nervous so I fired a few warning shots”, your
dick anwers.

Jack and Jill went over the hill to have a talk with their boss. Jack left. The boss got high pulled down his fly and Jill said,”How much does it cost?”

After much research and millions of dollars, our scientists have
discovered the secret ingredients to Viagra!

VIAGRA INGREDIENT LIST: (TopSecret!) 3% Vitamin E 2% aspirin 2%
ibuprofen 1% Vitamin C

…and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . …92% Fix-A-Flat!

A bloke goes into a pub in the middle of nowhere, needing to go
to the toilet. The barman directs him outside, where a rickety
old dunny is.

The man does his buisness, and is about to wipe his arse when he
sees that there is no toilet paper. However, there is a note
nailed to the wall, which reads- We are sorry about the lack of
toilet paper, we ask you to please wipe yourself with your
finger, then stick it through a hole in the wall, where it will
be cleaned.

The bloke dosen’t think much of this, but he decides to follow
the request. So he cleans himself with his finger, then sticks
it out of the hole. All of a sudden it is hit by a hammer. So he
pulls his finger in…… and sucks it.

The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada’s top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

“Oh my God,” said the Queen, “that’s disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?”

The Doctor leading the tour explains; “I am sorry your highness, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with
semen.  If he doesn’t do that 5 times a day, they’ll explode, and he would die instantly.”

“Oh, I am sorry,” said the Queen.

On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient oral sex.

“Oh my God,” said the Queen, “what’s happening in there?”

The Doctor replied, “Same problem, better health plan.”

A man went to his doctor and said, “I want to be castrated.”
“What?” said the doctor, “surely you don’t want that.”
“Yes,” said the man, “that’s what I want; I insist.”

So, the doctor told him to check into the hospital. When he did he was stripped, laid on a cart, wheeled into the operating room, anaesthetized, and CHWOP! off they came. The next day, he woke up in a double room and, wanting to be socialable, asked the man in the next bed what he was in for.

“Oh, I was circumsized,” the man said.
“Son of a bitch! That’s the word I was looking for!”

If you Americna in the livng roo what are you in the Bathroom?………………………
Eu-ro-peein

The male sexual organ requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons:

– has to work hard;
– has to work at great depths;
– has to work upside down;
– has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work;
– has to work in a high humidity environment;
– has to work at high temperatures;
– does not get weekends and holidays off;
– does not get time off after extra hours of work;
– has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness.

Request DENIED for the following reasons:

– does not work 8 hours in a row;
– does not answer immediately to all requests;
– does not have a degree;
– after a short activity period, falls asleep at work;
– shows no fidelity to the workplace;
– retires too early;
– does not work at all unless pushed from behind;
– does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work.

One day a lady went into a fishing shop to buy her husband a fishing pole for his birthday.

She picked up a really nice looking pole and asked the salesman how much it was. The sales man says, “I am blind but if you give me the pole I can tell how much it is by the weight.”

So the lady gives him the pole and he says, “That pole is worth $45.” She was amazed at how cheap that was.

So then she picked up another really nice pole, hands it to the man and he says, “This pole is worth $55.” she decided that was also really cheap.

And then she picks the nicest looking pole in the place and handed it to the man and he says, “This pole is our best and it is $70.” she told him that she would take it.

As she was getting the fishing pole all rung up, she had to fart really really badly. She decided since the man was blind that it really wouldn’t matter if she farted in front of him so she just let it loose.

All of a sudden the man says, “It all comes up to $80.”

Confused the lady says to him, “But you said the fishing pole was only $70.”

He said, “It is. Its $70 for the fishing pole and $10 for the duck call.”