Category: body & health

An old Italian woman is riding the elevator, in a very lavish New York City Office Building.

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume, turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, “Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!”

The next young and beautiful woman gets in the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, “Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!”

About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, bends over and farts, announcing “Broccoli – 49 cents a pound!”

One day a tacher went to work and when she got there her class
was already in the room, she noticed a little boy scratching
his Penis Because it Hurt. She said whats going on. He Said my
penis hurts so bad. The teacher said go call your mom. When
the boy got back in the room the teacher wasnt there so he asked
his class mate where she went . When the teacher came back in
the room she seen the boy with his penis out of his pants. She
said what are you doing and he said my mom would come at noon
and she said stick it out till noon.

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto

Poor Billy is dating a rich girl and has no idea what to give her for her birthday, (as she has everything) as he tells of his dilema to his friend, his friend suggests that he tatoo her name on his sex organ. Billy goes to a tattoo parlor and tells the man her name is Wendy.

When finished he looks down and sees. . “W Y” and says “Hey I said her name was Wendy”

Man says “Don’t worry shake it.” . . . He does, . . and voila!- Wendy.

He ties a ribbon on it and presents it to his girl. . . she is so happy that she invites him on a Carribean cruise.

While in port at Jamaica in a disco he goes to the bathroom. While at the urinal a tall Jamaican stands next to him glances down sees “W Y” and says “W Y, huh?”

Billy says oh! its my girlfriend’s name, look (shakes it. . . Wendy)

Jamaican says: “Ah good show man, Wendy, very nice.”

Billy looks at the Jamaican and notices his organ also says “W Y”.

Billy says: “Hey, wait a minute, yours says Wendy too?”

“Ah no man. Mine says “Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day.”

21 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU MIGHT MEET IN THE MEN’S ROOM!

EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.

SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.

CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.

TIMID: Can’t piss if someone’s watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.

INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink.

CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.

WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.

FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.

ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.

PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.

DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.

TOUGH: Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it.

EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap, then does both.

FAT: Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoe.

LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns.

DRUNK: Holds right thumb in left hand, pisses in pants.

DISGRUNTLED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.

CONCEITED: Holds two-inch dick like a baseball bat.

RADICAL: Ignores urinal. Pisses on wall.

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to
raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their
terrace house. After a few days, a young attractive woman
applied for the room and explained that she was a model working
in a nearby city center studio for a few weeks and that she
would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for
the whole week. Doris showed her the house and they agreed to
start straight away.

“There’s just one problem,” explained the model. “Because of my
job, I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don’t
have a bath. ” “That’s not a problem,” replied Doris. “We have a
tin bath out in the yard and we bring it in to the living room
in front of the fire and fill it with hot water.” “What about
your husband?” asked the model. “Oh, he plays darts most
weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings,” replied Doris.
“Good,” said the model. “Now that’s been settled, I’ll go to the
studio and see you tonight.”

That evening, Fred dutifully went to his darts match while Doris
prepared the bath for the model. After stripping off, the model
stepped into the bath. Doris was amazed to see that she has no
pubic hair. The model noticed Doris’ staring eyes, so she smiled
and explained that it is part of her job to shave herself,
especially when modeling swimmer or underclothes.

Later when Fred returned, Doris related this oddity and he does
not believe her. “It’s true, I tell you!” said Doris. “Look, if
you don’t believe me, tomorrow night I’ll leave the curtains
slightly open and you can peek in and see for yourself.”

The next night, Fred left as usual and Doris prepared the bath
for the model. As the model stepped naked into the bath, Doris
stood behind her. Doris looked towards the curtains and pointed
towards the model’s naked pubic Area. Then she lifted up her
skirt and wearing no panties, pointed to her own hairy mass.

Later Fred returned and they retired to bed. “Well, do you
believe me now?” she asked Fred. “Yes,” he replied. “I’ve never
seen anything like it in my life. But why did you lift up your
skirt and show yourself?”

“Just to show you the difference.” answered Doris. “But I guess
you’ve seen me millions of times.” “Yes,” said Fred, “I have –
but the rest of the dart team hadn’t.”

This newly wed couple went on their honeymoon. When they got to the hotel,
the man began to undress. When he took his pants off, his knees were all
knotty and twisted. His wife exclaimed “Oh, goodness, what happened to
your knees?” He explained to her that his mother said he had a bad case of
kneesles when he was a child. She said, “Don’t you mean measles?” He said
he was sure it was kneesles.

Next, he took off his socks and his toes were crooked and turned and she
asked what had happened to his toes. He again explained that his mother
said he had a severe case of toelio as a child. She said he must mean
polio and he said, no that it was definitely toelio.

When he took off his underwear, his new wife rolled her eyes and
exclaimed, “Don’t tell me you had Small Cocks, too?!”

There was once a beautiful woman named Rebecca who lived with 3
men: an author, an artist, and a blind man.They each visited her
once a day. One day Rebecca was taking a shower when she heard a
knock at the door. So she put on a towel and answered the door.
It turned out to be the artist. He said ” Congratulate me,
Congratulate me, I have just finished a masterpiece.” Rebecca
didn’t care so she slammed the door in his face. Right when
Rebecca was getting back in the shower she heard another knock
so she put her towel back on and answered the door. It was the
author this time and he said ” Congratulate me, Congratulate me
I have just finished a new best-seller. Rebecca didn’t care so
she slammed the door in his face. Rebecca got back in the shower
and 15 min. later she heard another knock. She figured it had to
be the blind man so she didn’t have to put on her towel and she
answered the door. She was right it was the blind man and he
said to her “Congraatulate me, Congratulate me I can see again!”

A man went to the doctor one day and sat down on the table.
“What seems to be the problem?” asked the doctor. “Doc, my dick
is orange,” said the man. “Come back in a week and we’ll see if
there is any change.” the doctor told the man. A week later, the
man came back, “Doc, my dick is still orange.” “What do you do
for a living?” asked the doctor. “Nothing, I’m unemployed.”
replied the man. “What do you do all day?” asked the doctor.
“Ah, just sit around and watch porn videos and eat Cheetos.”

Q: If someone was to kick a guy in the desert between the legs, how would they sound?

A: Like a wolf howling for a while!

A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes back there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a note to the Chinaman that says, “Use more soap on panties.”This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry.Finally fed up the Chinaman responded with his own note that said, “Use more paper on ass.”

Hi!! there was a very tall man. He was flying from london to newyork.
He was burstiung 4 a pee and decided to pee. he went 2 the toilets but it was to small to a man that height. he was peeing when a woman opened his door. with that fright he pee on her boobs.
she told him that she was there to make sex in the toilet with a puppy dog!!