Category: body & health

Corey:How do u stick an elephant into a paper bag?
Christian:Umm i donno how?
Corey:You take the “f” out of “safe” and the “f” out of “way.”
Christian:But wait there’s no f in way!

Wat does one cheek say to the other cheek?
How come we are the ones that always flirt and the one in the front is who gets all the fun.

One day a man and a women were sitting beside each other on an
airplane. Now this man kept sneezzing over and over again. But
everytime he would sneeze he would groan or grunt like it was
pleasuring him. The women sitting beside him said, “You poor
man! What’s wrong with you?” The man told the women, that
everytime he sneezed he would have an orgasium. The women felt
so sorry for him, so she asked him what he was taking for it?
The man said, “Black pepper.”

Your Mama’s Like A shotgun Two Cocks And She Blows!

3 males were speeding on a highway. A nearby cop sees the
speeding car and pulls them over. Noticing that they are drunk,
he starts writing them a ticket. The 3 males, begging the gay
cop not to write them a ticket, says that they will never drink
and drive again. But the cop doesnt change his mind, telling
them that they should have thought of the consequences before
drinking and driving. After much pleading and arguing, the gay
cop tells the three males that if all three males’ dicks add up
to 20 inches, they will be free to go, which they agree to. So
the first drops his pants, and the cop measures his penis. 10
inches. “10 more inches,” says the cop. The second guy’s penis
is measured, and comes out to 8 inches. Reminding the males that
20 inches is the requirement, he leads the third guy to the side
of the road to measure his penis. After a moment, the cop comes
back saying,”You guys got lucky, your friend popped a boner.”

True story: A friend’s mom was driving in Canada. She was going through a park area. She sped up. Suddenly, she was pulled over by a park ranger. She decided to see if she could be cute and get herself out of a speeding ticket. When the officer approached her car, she asked innocently, “Gee, officer, did you pull me over to give me a ticket to the policemen’s ball?”

To that, he replied, “No ma’am. We’re Rangers! We don’t have any balls!” He continued to write down some information.

After about a half a minute, the ranger looked up, turned red, and muttered, “Never mind.” He closed his ticket book, got in his car, and drove off – no ticket was issued.

Well, if there’s any truth to this study at all, then I should live to be 180 minimum! 🙂

From the New England Journal of Medicine:

Great news for girl watchers: Ogling over women’s breasts is good for a man’s health and can add years to his life, medical experts have discovered.

According to the New England Journal of Medicine, “Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out” declared gerontologist Dr. Karen Weatherby.

Dr. Weatherby and fellow researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outpatients – half of whom were instructed to look at busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so.

The study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances of coronary artery disease. “Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation,” explains Dr. Weatherby. “There’s no question: Gazing at breasts makes men healthier.”

“Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years.”
…hmmm – I wonder if PC boobies count?

P.S: I’ve already volunteered myself to science just in case they want to do a “hands on” study of the same type…woo-hoo!

Confucious say:

Man who go to bed with itchy ass, wake up with smelly finger.

one way to say your fly is open to a boy/girl:

to a boy: the barn door is open the stallions go to get out!

to a girl: the barn door is open the mare is going to get out!

This man was walking to his house and saw a tornado and it was coming towards him and then it knocked down his house so he ran and ran and ran then he saw a farm house it looked pretty safe so he ran to it and asked the guy if he could stay there for the night and told him why not then the farmer showed him where he would be staying and said there just one rule he said dont stick your dick through thoes three holes so he said ok but he was curious that night so he stuck his dick though the first hole and said ooo this feels weird then stuck hus dick though the second hole and said ooo oohh this feels so good yes, but he still wanted to feel what was in the third hole so he stuck his dick in it and said aaahhhhhhhh fuckin bitchass mother fukin pice of shit aaaahhhhhh!!so he woke up the next morning to see the farmer hovering over him he said you stuck your dick through the three holes didn’t ya he said yes and so the farmer said i might as well tell ya what was in the three holes the fist one was my cows ass the second one was my wifes pussy and the third one was my meat grinder!!

Men are vain and spend at least ten minutes a day looking in a
mirror.
Women are crazy and check their reflection in every single
object they see that reflects such as mirrors, windows, cars,
TVs…

Women take a bath/shower every single day to ensure they are
clean and smell nice.
Men use deodorent.

Women put on new clothes every single day and often spend up to
an hour switching things around until she finds a good
combination.
Men put on the closest thing on the floor or in the closet.

Women paint their nails.
Men bite their nails.

Men cannot hug someone of the same sex without wondering whether
they are gay or having their friends wonder if they are gay.
Women can not only hug their friends, but do so in public places
without ANYONE wondering if they are a lesbian.

To women farting is a rude embarrassing noise.
To men farting is a constant source of amusement.

Women try to hide cuts and bruises because they are flaws.
Men compare cuts and bruises to see who has the biggest one.

Men can’t go a day without rearranging his family jewels. (dick)
Women never have to rearrange their privates.

Men go to the hospital if blood spews from their privates.
Women use a tampon.

Women date preparation; two hours.
Men date preparation; five minutes.

Women dress up for; shopping, sports, school, work, holidays,
parties, hanging out with a friend, going to the movies, going
bowling, lying around the house, reading, and watching TV.
Men dress up for; weddings, funerals

When women forget to shave no one notices.
When men forget to shave the whole world knows.

Women’s magazines feature half naked women, that women ogle at,
wishing they looked like them.
Men’s magazines feature fully naked women, that men lust after.

Women’s chores are simple things like cooking and cleaning.
Men’s chores are dangerous things like putting up the Christmas
lights on the roof and checking out loud noises at night.

Men are stronger.
Women are smarter.

Women know they’re weaker.
Men think they’re geniuses.

Women are sure they look horrid and ugly and that all the men
like that girl over there more then the like her.
Men think they are god’d gift to women.

When men get a cold, they are dying and stay in bed for two
weeks.
When women are dying, they just have a cold and continue to run
around doing errands and chores.

In conclusion; men and women just do not go together. Why isn’t
everyone gay?

30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man…

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it’s cute.
3. Why don’t we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It’s OK, we’ll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no… a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won’t take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the ‘early bird’.