Category: body & health

A teenage boy was baby-sitting a little girl. He needed to go to
the washroom. Suddenly the little girl walked in. The little
girl goes “What’s that?” pointing to his penis!Theboy says
“That’s my Franklin but don’t play with it!”. The little girl
says “I’ll tell my mommy and daddy!” so the boy says fine. When
the mom and dad get home they see the baby-sitter running out of
the house holding his penis.The parents ask what happened. He
replied ” I’m never baby-sitting your daughter again”! So the
parents walk inside and ask their daughter what happened. She
said ” Well i was playing with Franklin when he sprayed water on
me so i bit him”!!!!!!

One day, a man with no arms walked into the bathroom. Another man that was in there, asked, “I don’t mean to be rude sir, but how to you go to the bathroom with no arms?”

The guys with no arms replied, “Well I need a little help, could you unzip my pants?”
The other guys reluctantly says, “sure”.

The guy with no arms says, “I need a little more help than that, I need some aim.
Would you mind?”

The guy, very reluctant to do it this time said, “Sure, I guess”.
When the guy pulled out the mans penis, there was red pustules and blisters and hair all over it. The man preceded to help the man out.

When the man with no arms was finished. The other man asked him,
“I don’t mean to be rude, but what was all over your penis?”

The man then replied, as he pulled his arms out his shirt, –
“I don’t know but I sure as hell ain’t touching it!”

One night a guy was driving in the woods until his car broke
down.He was now walking in the woods,but then he stopped because
he say a cabin.He went up and knocked on the door.A man answered
the door.The guy asked the man if he could spend the night.The
man said yes as long as he dosent go near any of his three
daughters.The guy ok.Later that night the guy was walking down
the hall.A girl came out of one of the doors.She is the oldest
daughter.(18)She asked the man to help her with something.The
guy said he couldnt because her farther said he cant go near
them.The girl said,if you dont I will spread red ink all over my
sheets and say you rapped me.So he helped her.When he came out
he went down the hall even more.Then the middle aged daughter
came out.(14)She asked the man to help her with something.The
guy said he couldnt because her farther said he cant go near
them.The girl said,if you dont I will spread red ink all over my
sheets and say you rapped me.So he helped her.He came out and
saw the youngest daughter down the hall.He walked over to
her.She asked the man to help her with something.The guy said he
couldnt because her farther said he cant go near them.The girl
said,if you dont I will spread green ink all over my sheets and
say you rapped me.He said to the girl isnt it suppose to be
red.She said,when i am older because right now my cherry isnt
ripe yet

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more. ‘And just how would I go about doing that?’ he asked. ‘It is very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the collection plate.’ So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and behold the plates were full of 20 dollar bills. Now, the preacher did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried his mass hypnosis again. Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the chain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud thud and springs and parts flew everywhere. ‘Crap!’ exclaimed the pastor. It took them a week to clean up the church.

Two indians were being chased by buffalo. One indian puts his ear to the
ground and says, “Buffalo come!”

The other indian said, “How do you know?”

The indian replied, “Ear sticky!”

Teacher asks Johny:”Make a sentence with contagious”.Johny replies”as you grow,your cunt ages”!

Q. What is the worst thing about a lung transplant?

A. The first time you cough, it is not your phlegm.

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:* I do physical labor* I work at great depths* I work head first* I do not get, weekends off or public holidays* I work in a damp environment* I don’t get paid overtime or shift penalties* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation* I work in high temperatures* My work exposes me to contagious diseasesResponse from the administration:After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:* You do not work 8 hours straight, who you kiddin!* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods* You do not always follow the orders of the management team* You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks* You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift* You don’t always observe security measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits* You don’t wait till pension age before retiring* You don’t like working double shifts* You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day’s work* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. “We don’t need anyone,” they replied. “You can’t afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything.” “Well we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job.” He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks – one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00. “How in the world did you do that?” they asked. “I told you I’m the worlds best salesman. I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!” “Did you get a urine sample?” they asked him. “What’s that?” he asked. “Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples.” Morris was gone about six hours and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says, “Here’s Mr. Brown’s and this one is Mr. Smith’s.” “That’s good,” they said, “but what’s in those two buckets?” “Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a State Teacher’s Convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!”

A man walks into a whore house to relieve himself and tells the
pimp “I want the best whore in the house”. The pimp says “then
go to the fourth floor”. So the man goes to the fourth floor and
when he enters the room he notices that the whore is in the
bathroom and there is a platter of shrimp on a taple. He starts
eating them and when the whore comes out she takes one look at
him and screams then jumps out the window. So he goes to the
pimp again and asks for his second best whore. The pimp says to
go to the third floor. So he goes up to the third floor and he
notices that the whore is in the bathroom and there is a platter
of shrimp on the table. So he starts eating them but when the
whore comes out she takes one look at him and then jumps out the
window. So he goes back to the pimp and asks for his third best
whore. The pimp says to go to the second floor. So when he
reaches the second floor he sees that the whore is in the
bathroom and again there is a platter of shrimp on the table. So
he starts eating them but when the whore comes out she screams
and right before she jumps out the window he grabs her and asks
“Why are all of you jumping out of the window when you see me”?
She then says “because you’re eating last months abortions!”.

One time 3 friends were in forest and they saw a magical
fence.
Hairy jumped the fence and wishes for 50,000,000$. He got it.

Then Dick jumped the fence and wished for an under water
fortrase. He got it.

Then Moe (having no clue what was going on) jumped the
fence and scraemed “Hairy…Dick?!”

And he got a hairy dick.

Ok this guy named Rhys david betts walks into a tatoo shop and asked the man if he could put a tatoo of a 100 doller bill on his penis. So the man said that it was no problem.Later the man asked Rhys why he wants a 100 bill on this penis. So Rhys then said “My wife hasnt bin giving me blow jobs lately,and she said she could blow a 100 doller bill in no time!!