Category: body & health

A guy races into the men’s toilet, burns up to the urinal, whips out his
twelve inch dick and says with a sigh of relief, “Phew, just made it.” The
guy next to him looks over and says, “Impressive, can you make me one too?”

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road, when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. “My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood. The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away.Further down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again; this time he is crouched behind a tree stump. “My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf,” claims Little Red Riding Hood. Again, the surprised wolf jumps up and runs away.About 2 miles down the path, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign. “My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf,” taunts Little Red Riding Hood.With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, “Will you get lost? I’m just trying to take a dump!”

Did you ever hear of the artist with brown fingers?
Pic-ass-o

A tomato, a pickle and a dick were arguing about who has it the worst.

The tomato says, “I have it bad because I get cut up and put in salads.”

The pickle says, “You think you have it bad. I get cut up and put on
burgers.”

Then the dick says, “You guys both got it easy. I have to put on a hat
every night and do pushups till I puke.”

Two gentlemen are driving down the interstate and decide to stop
at a Truck Stop for dinner. They sit at the counter and when the
waitress arrives, both gentlemen order hamburgers.

The waitress promptly goes to the freezer, pulls out two
patties, and places one each under each arm. When asked what the
hell is going on, she calmly explains that they have no way to
defrost the patties since the microwave is broken.

One man says to the other, “Boy, I’m sure glad I didn’t order a
hotdog.”

– OOPS !!
– I wonder what this does!
– Hand me the saw someone!
– Did he say the right or left leg?
– It is now out of my hands…Nurse, could you grab it? It’s over there
behind the keg.
– I’d feel alot better about this if the dotted lines were pre-drawn like
back at night school.
– Someone call the janitor – we’re going to need a mop.
– Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!
– Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
– Hand me that…uh…that uh…thingie.
– Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
– Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
– Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
– Rats, there go the lights again…
– “Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys and this guy’s got two of ’em.”
– Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens.
– Could you stop that thing from beating; it’s throwing my concentration
off.
– What’s this doing here?
– That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
– I wish I hadn’t forgotten my glasses.
– Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
– What do you mean he wasn’t in for a sex change…!
– Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
– And now we remove the subject’s brain and place it in the body of the
ape.
– OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
– This patient has already had kids, am I correct ?
– Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card ?
– Don’t worry. I think it is sharp enough.
– She’s gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!!
– FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out !
– Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing !
– Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.
– What do you mean you want a divorce ?

A women goes in for a face lift but doesnt want to have surgery. The doctor says there is a new precedure were they put a little screw in your head and everytime you see a wrinkle you just turn it to puul your skin up. The women gets the precedure. About a year later she comes back and complains about the bags under eyes. the doctor says lady those arent bags those are your boobs and if you dont leave that screw alon your gonna have a beard.

How can you tell if some guy was masterbating?

One legs bigger than the other!! ha ha

There is this guy who has a 25 inch dick. He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he just can’t please the ladies because it is just too big, he hasn’t found a lady yet who likes it and he can’t get any pleasure.

She tells him to go into the woods and he will find a frog. When he finds the frog, he is to ask it to marry him. If the frog says no, his cock will shrink 5 inches.

He goes into the woods and finds this frog. He asks “frog, will you marry me?” The frog says “no” And his prick shrinks five inches. The guys thinks to himself, “Wow, that was pretty cool. But, it’s still too big.” So he goes back to the frog and again asks the frog: “Frog, will you marry me?” Frog: “No, I won’t marry you.”

The guys dick shrinks another five inches. But that’s still 15 inches and he thinks his chop is still just a little bit too big. But he thinks that 10 inches would be just great. He goes back to the frog and asks: “Frog, will you marry me?”

Frog: How many times do I have to tell you NO, NO, NO!!!

two guys in a bar talking when one says “im really unhappy about being bald” the other says “why dont you have a transplant” he replies “dont be stupid id look even worse with a liver on my head”

A guy goes to the doctor and they had to take a urine sample. Now this is a pretty big guy so they had a lot. The urine sample sits on the table with the coffee machine. The guy takes some of the urine, accidentally, spits it out and says “This tastes like s***!”The doctor says, “It is s***.”The guy says, “Oh, then it’s not me.

Bubba and Earl are sittin in a bar on a hot summer day. Bubba say’s to Earl “Why does women like summa so much?” Earl say’s “Dunno?” Bubba say’s “cuz it’s skeeter season”. Earl say’s “how ya figga dat?” Bubba say’s “Simple, sketters dunt hafta pull down thar pants to give em a poke”. Earl say’s to Bubba “Yeah, but I got a bigga stinger”