Category: body & health

One day in a kindergarten class, a young boy went up to a girl,
pulled down his pants and asked, “What’s this?” and the little
girl said that she didnt know. Then later that day she went up
to him and pulled her pants down and asked, “What’s this?” and
the little boy said that he didnt know. That day after school
each child went home. When the little boy got home he pulled
down his pants and asked his brother, “Whats this?” his brother
replies, “That is your limo. You can park it in any garage you
want to.” Satisfied with the answer, the little boy went to his
room. At the same time at the little girl’s house she pulled
down her pants and asked her sister, “What this?” and her sister
told her, “That is your garage. Dont let ANY limo park in it.”
Satisfied, the little girl went to her room. The next day in
class the boy went over to the little girl, pulled down his
pants and said, “My big brother said that this is my limo and I
can park it in ANY garage I want to.” The little girl pulled her
pants down and said, “Well, my sister told me this is my garage
and I cant let ANY limos park in it.” When the little girl went
home, her hands were all bloody. Her sister asked her what
happened and the little girl said, “A limo tried to get into my
garage, and I pulled its front wheels off.”

There is this little boy. He was told to take a shower but he
wants someone with him. He asks his mother. She says no. The
little boy asks again, with the mother respoding no. Finally,
she agrees. She say to the boy, “Don’t look up or down.” In the
shower, the boy looks up and askes, “Mommy, mommy, what’s that?”
She responds, “Those are headlights.” Then the little boy looks
down. He asks “Mommy, mommy, what’s that?” She responds, “Thats
grass.” The next day, the boy askes his dad to go with him in
the shower. He says no. The little boy asks again, with the
father respoding no. Finally, he agrees. He say to the boy,
“Don’t look down.” In the shower, the boy looks down and askes,
“Daddy, daddy, what’s that?” He responds “That’s a snake.” A few
nights later, the little boy had a bad dream and wants to sleep
with his parents. They say no but the boy continues to ask. They
finally agree and they tell him, “Don’t look under the covers.”
The boy looks under the covers and says, “Mommy, Daddy, turn on
the headlights, there’s a snake in the grass!”

A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.

He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land.

The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.

Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that if ONE bee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk.

An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor guy slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked if he had been stung.

The city fella looked up and weakly said, “No… the bees never touched me – but doesn’t that calf have a mother!?!”

what reindeer laughed at rudolf?

olive………(say this out loud) ALL OF the other raindeer,
used to laugh and call him names……….

one day, a blonde brunett and redhead all were in a elevator.
they all noticed something white on the floor. well the redhead
put her head down and said, “i have no idea what it is.” then
the redhead put her head down, and said, “i think its cum.”
After that remark, the blonde put her head down, tasted it, and
said, ” well its no one in this building!”

a blonde, brunett and redhead were all about to get killed. The
redhead was called up, and the killer asked if she had any final
words. she said no, and the killer was about to shoot her, when
she said TORNADO! so the man looked around panicly, and gave the
redhead enough time to run away. then the brunett was called up,
and the killer asked if she had any final words and she said no.
So he said, “ready, set -” but the brunett interuped him by
saying earthquake!! so the killer got down under a table, giving
the girl enough time to run away. Finally the blonde was called
over. the killer asked if she had any final words, but she said
no. So the killer said, ” Ready, Set -” and the blonde shouted
FIRE!!!

It was a really hot day at the office. There were about 20 people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on. All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was the most hideous smell anyone had ever smelt. One man said, “Uh oh, someone’s deodorant isn’t working.” A man in the corner replied, “It can’t be me. I’m not wearing any.”

A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends
$15,000.00 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way
home she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving,
she asks the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but
how old do you think I am?”

“About 32”, the clerk replies.

“I’m actually 47”, the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and upon getting
her order, asks the counter girl the same question. She replies,
“I’d guess about 29”.

The woman replies, “Nope, I am 47.” Now she is feeling really
good about herself.

While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same
question.

He replies, “I’m 78 and my eyesight is starting to go. Although,
when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman
was, but it requires you to let me put my hands up your shirt
and feel your boobs. Then I can tell exactly how old you are.”

They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got
the best of the woman and she finally says, “What the hell, go
ahead.”

The old man slips both hands up her shirt under her bra, and
begins to feel around.

After a couple of minutes she says, “Okay, okay, how old am I?”

He removes his hands and says, “You are 47.”

Stunned the woman says, “That is amazing. How did you know?”

The old man replies, “I was behind you in line at McDonald’s.”

whats another way to say khalil scott
stoner

What did the mummy say to the vampire?
you suck!

2 men went hiking. They set the tent up when all of a sudden a
bear jumped out. Frightened,the men started to run. The first
man stopped to take his running shoes out. The other guy said
what are you doing you cant outrun a bear! The man said all i
need to outrun is you.

I took one of those viagra tablets the other day, it got stuck in my throat and I had a stiff neck for about eight hours!

1. I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

2. I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

3. I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been
more specific.

4. Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you,
but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the
window?

5. Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot,
but anyone going faster is a maniac?

6. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five
miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we have no idea
where she is.

7. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I
lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody
stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of
them.

8. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if
you’ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your
laundry isn’t your biggest problem.

9. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they
tell you it’s because they’re such beautiful animals. I think my
wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the
wall.

Osama bin Laden has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes
to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
“I don’t know what to do here,” the devil says. “You’re on my
list, but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to
stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do: I’ve got a
couple of people here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let
one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let
YOU decide who leaves.”

Osama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil led him
into the first room.

In it was Manuel Noriega and a large pool of water. He kept
diving in and surfacing empty-handed. Over and over and over.
Such was his fate in hell.

“No,” bin Laden said, “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer
and I don’t think I could do that all day long.”

So the devil led him to the next room. In it was the Ayatollah
Khomeini with a sledgehammer and a huge pile of rocks. All he
did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

“No, I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I’d be in constant
agony if all I did was break rocks all day,” bin Laden
commented.

So the devil opened a third door. In it, bin Laden saw Bill
Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head
and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was
his girl Monica, doing what she does best. Osama bin Laden
stared in disbelief and finally said, “Yeah, I can handle this.”

The devil smiled and said, “OK, Monica, you’re free to go.”