a blonde was sick of all the blonde jokes so one day she died her hair brown and decided to go for a drive. She drove for ages and she came to a road where it was blocked with sheep, there was a farmer leading them along so the blonde called out ” hey farmer if i can guess the number of sheep you have with you can i pick one and take it home with me?”
“sure” the farmer replied.
the blonde thought for a few moment and then uncertainly said… 384??
” ohmigod thats absolutely right, pick the sheep you want”.
the blonde did that but just as she was loading the sheep into her car the farmer shouts “hey ill make you a deal if i can guess the real colour of your hair, can i have my dog back???????
Category: blondes
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was…
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of
problems selling
it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told
her problem to
a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her,
“There is a
possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not
legal.” “That
doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde,”if I only can sell the
car.” “Okay,”
said the brunette. “Here is the address of a friend of mine.
He owns a car
repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter
in your car
back to 50,000 miles. Then it shouldn’t be a problem to sell
your car
anymore.” The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to
the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, “Did
you sell your
car?” “No,” replied the blonde, “why should I? It only has
50,000 miles on it.”
Convertable
Two blondes had just bought a brand new convertable. They decided to take a cruise. They went to the bar. They decided to leave after being there for about an hour. They notice they left to car keys in the car. They tried for about 2 hours trying to get the keys. A lady was standing outside of the bar and told the two women they better hurry up because a really bad storm was coming and they left the top DOWN on the car!!
Beer Bottle
What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?They’re both empty from the neck up!
Wet blondes
Why don’t blondes water ski?
Because they lie down as soon as their crotches get wet.
Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by yisman
License Plate Number
There were 2 friends, a blonde and a redhead. After shopping the redhead
left the keys in the ignition because she was carrying lots of things and
didn’t think anybody would steal it.
She hears a car going and runs out to see that her car is gone. Her blonde
friend was there when it happened. The redhead asks if the blonde got
their description and the blonde said she got something better. The
redhead asked, “What?” The blonde said, “I got their license plate
number!”
Potatoes!
One night there was three fugitives escaping from jail. One was blonde, one was brunette and the other was a red-head. They had the police hot on their trail and quickly thinking the brunette points out an old, abandoned factory perfect for hiding in. When all three were inside the red-head, quickly thinking said they should all hid in old potatoe sacks in the corner as they could hear the police approaching the factory. They all got in their little potatoe sacks and barely a minute later the police came crashing through the door. They looked at the sacks and said ‘Hmm maybe they are hiding in these’ The officer kicks the Red-head’s sack and she makes whimpering noises. ‘Hmm just puppies in that sack’ The officer kicks the Brunette’s sack and she makes mewing noises. ‘Hmm just kittens in that sack’ He says. He finally kicks the blonde’s sack and he hears…. ‘POTATOES POTATOES!’
On her way to Disneyland
A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT”. After thinking for a minute, she said to herself “Oh, well !” and turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES”. By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
Martha Stewart’s Holiday To-Do List
December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down
and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.
December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering
machine.
December 3
Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion a
cat-o-nine-tails. Flog gardener.
December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses me.
December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7
Debug Windows ‘2000
December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11
Laid Faberge egg.
December 12
Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13
Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for
decorative pie crusts.
December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
December 15
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade “Holiday Scents” in case tires are
shot out at mall.
December 17
Child proofs the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
December 19
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be the same height
when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
December 20
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner’s sugar to add a
festive sparkle to the pasture.
December 21
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon
sticks.
December 22
Float votive candles in toilet tank.
December 23
Seed clouds for white Christmas. Festoon windows with worthless stock.
December 24
Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute
Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they
really are.
December 25
Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented with homemade
potpourri.
December 26
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
December 27
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
December 31
New Year’s Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone
of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.
The Blonde's Hai
One day a blonde walked into a barber shop and asked for a hair cut. when the barber asked her how she wanted it she said any way, just don’t take of my headphones.She went into the barber shop every day for a month and told the barber the same thing every day.One day the barber decided to see what would happen when he took off the headphones. When he did the blonde grabbed her neck then fell over dead. When the barber listened to the headphones they were saying breathe in breathe out….
Bar!
3 blonds walk into a bar what do they say?
Nothing thay dont know where they are.
Blondes getting even
Do you know why there is so many “dumb blonde” jokes?Because brunettes and redheads have nothing else to do on Friday and Saturday nights……….