Category: bill clinton

If you recall, when George Bush was President, he banned broccoli at formal dinners: ‘When I was a little boy I hated broccoli, and I said, ‘When I’m President of the United States, I won’t have to eat broccoli!”Well, Clinton should use the Broccoli Defense: ‘When I was in college and couldn’t get laid, I said, ‘When I’m President of the United States…”

What was Monica’s official statement about the whole sex scandal?
It really left a bad taste in my mouth.

“I feel schizophrenic; first he says ‘open your mouth,’ then he says ‘keep
it closed.'”

– Monica Lewinski

What are the ingredients for the new, improved Clinton stew?

One wiener, one tongue, one cooked goose, lots of spilled beans and hot water, stir with cigar until done.
Taste cigar for flavor, but don’t inhale.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Q: Well, then what do you call someone who sees the glass in front of him as
half empty?
A: Teddy Kennedy.

“I feel schizophrenic; first he says ‘open your mouth,’ then he says ‘keep it
closed.'”
– Monica Lewis.

Q: What does Hillary Clinton have in common with Gerald Ford?
A: They both became president without being elected.

This just in: Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered
President Clinton’s firm denial: “I have had enough. This whole experience has
left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can’t stomach any more. I feel as if I am
getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and has blown up in
my face. This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I
am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming.
will meet this challenge the only way I know how … head on. I have licked
bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to
say that Monica Lewinsky isn’t a finisher, that she quit before the job was
done. I will work nonstop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean
of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it. ” Thank you, Monica
Lewinsky.

What was the first thing Monica Lewinsky saw in Washington?

The executive branch.

Q. What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a dishonest lawyer?A. Chelsea!

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of
those girl-to-girl talks, and Hillary says to Janet, “You’re lucky that you
don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill,
and there is no telling where he last had his pecker.”
Janet responded, “Just because I am esthetically challenged (that’s
“politically correct” for ugly) doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight off unwelcome
sexual advances�.
Hillary asks, “Well, how do you deal with the problem?”
Janet, “Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I
muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can.”
That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips
into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be want some
action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him.
She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart
you could imagine.
Bill rolls over and says, “Janet, is that you?”

There are three guys on a plane, George Bush, Bill Clinton, and Saddam Hussein.

Bored, George Bush blurts out, “I want to see an apple fly,” so he throws one out the window and it flew.

A while later Bill Clinton says, “I want to see an orange fly,” so he throws one out the window and it flew.

A little while longer, Saddam Hussein says, “Well, I want to see a grenade fly,” so he throws one out the window and it flew.

The plane lands and the three guys are walking down a market street when they come across an old woman crying and rubbing her head.

“Whats the matter?” they ask her.

“I was sitting here tending to my shop when an apple flew from the sky and hit me on the head.”

A bit embarrassed, they continue walking down the street.

A while later they come across a man crying and cursing at the sky. “What’s the matter?” they ask him.

“I was sitting here minding my own buisness when an orange came out of the sky and hit me on the head.”

A bit concerned, they continue down the road until they come across a little boy laughing very hard.

“What’s so funny?” they ask the little boy.

The little boy leans in close and whispers, “I farted, and the house behind me blew up.”

Submitted by Mindy0206
Edited by yisman