Category: bar & drinking

A brunette walks into a bar and says, ”Gimme an M L.” The bartender says, ” What’s an M L?” She says, ” A Miller Light.” Another Brunette walks in and says, “Gimme a B L.” The bartender says, ”What’s a B L?” She says, ”Bud Light.” A dumb blonde walks in and says, ”Gimme a 15.” The bar tender says,” What’s a fifteen?” She says,” 7&7, duh!”

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman “Give me six double vodkas.”

The barman says “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.”

“Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back…

“I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender said “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

“Yeah, my wife…”

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers….like a telephone….on his hand, then talking into his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn’t need any trouble here.The guy says, ‘You don’t understand. I’m very high-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular.’The bartender says ‘Prove it.’ The guy dials a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation.’That’s incredible’, says the bartender….’I would never have believed it!’ ‘Yeah’, said the guy, ‘I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men’s room?’ The bartender directs him to the men’s room. The guy goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesn’t return. Fearing the worst given the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men’s room. There is the guy spread-eagle on the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper shoved up his ass. ‘Oh my God!’ cries the bartender. ‘Did they rob you? Are you hurt?’ The guy turns to him and says: ‘No, I’m ok……..I’m just waiting for a fax.

2 Peanuts walk into a bar……one was a salted(assaulted)

ASIAN GIIRLS USE BARZIERS TO HIDE DEFECTS,TO MAKE POEPLE FOOL INSIDE SMALL LOOSE UNBALANCED, OUTLOOK 36-38 ITS LIE FAKE N FRAUD

A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, ”I’m
going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.”
The woman replied, ”Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?”

The man replied, ”No, I’m turning the heat off.”

1. Your salary is less than your tuition.2. Your potted plants stay alive.3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.7. You haven’t seen a soap opera in over a year.8. 8:00a.m. is not early.9. You have to file for your own taxes.10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.11. You’re not carded anymore.12. You carry an umbrella.13. You learn that “Bachelor” is a nicer term for a jackass.14.”Extended childhood” only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be.15.”Twenty-something” means over-qualified, under-paid, and not married.16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up, and divorce instead of break-up.17. You start watching the weather channel.18. Jeans and baseball caps aren’t staples in your wardrobe.19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.21. You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run.22. You go to parties that the police don’t raid.23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.24. You don’t know what time Wendy’s closes anymore.25. Your car insurance goes down.26. You refer to college students as kids.27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum.

So this guy walks into a bar and says, �Gve me two beers.�The bartender obliges him. The guy looks into his wallet and says, �Give me two more beers.�So the bartender gives him two more beers. The man went on like this until he had put down ten beers, and keeps on going in his wallet and asking for two more beers.So the bartender asks, �What’s in your wallet that you keep looking at?�So the man opens his wallet and says, �The more I drink, the prettier my wife gets.�

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.” The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars,” to which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.”A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again.”The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, “What the heck are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!” The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!” The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.”To which the guy replies, “Thank you. Make it a scotch.”

Your mama so poor I walked into her bathroom and there was a cockroach on the toilet and he said, “Hey, wait your turn!”

What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About five drinks.

Q: What do the men in a singles bar have in common?
A: They’re all married.