Category: bar & drinking

One day this blonde was looking for work so she was knoking on all her neighbors doors asking if they needed any yard work done. She knoked on one mans door and he said sure you can pint the porch, how much do oyu think would be fair?? 50$ said the blonde and the man gave her the paint. He went inside and told his wife. “what””

A vampire walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a cup of hot water. While handing over the cup, the bartender asks, “Don’t you want a bloody mary?””
The vampire says

Tere is a severly drunk guy in a bar and he goes up to the bartender and says slurring and wobbling, “I’ll bet you $10

A Blonde was on her way to Mexico, She boarded the plane and sat in First class!.The stuardess came out and said
“excuse me

Yo’ mammas so fat that when she went swimming in the ocean all of the whales started singing ” we are family

A man and woman meet at a bar one rainy night. the woman says to the man, “lets get out of here and go back to my place””. while they are at the womans house inside the bedroom they hear the front door open and slam. all of a sudden the women cries out “”my husband is home

To men are at the top of a building having a drink,and one says to the other i bet you i can jump out this window and in 5 seconds jump back in.”NEVER”” the man says. so the man jumps out and jumps back in

A bitch meets a man in a tiny street:
the bitch: “Do you will fuck me?””
the man: “”How??

A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him
what happened.

“I did a terrible thing�, sniffed the drunk, “Just a few hours ago I sold my
wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort.”

“That is awful,” said the other guy�,and now that she is gone you want her
back right?”

“Right!” said the drunk, still crying.

“You’re sorry you sold her because you realized, too late, that you still
loved her, right?”

“Oh, No,” said the drunk. I want her back because I’m thirsty again!”

A brunette walks into a bar and says, ”Gimme an M L.” the bartender says, “
What’s an M L?” She says, ” A Miller Light.”
Another Brunette walks in and says, “Gimme a B L.” the bartender says,
��what’s a B L?”
She says, ”Bud Light.”
A dumb blonde walks in and says, ”Gimme a 15.” The bar tender says,” what’s
a fifteen?” She says,” 7&7, duh!”

barracks door

A man walks into a supermarket with his fly down.A cashier sees him and says”sir your barracks door is wide open” Well the man had no idea what she was talking about and continued to shop.
Soon after a man walked up to him and says “hey buddy,your fly is down”,so he proceeded to zip up his fly and then it dawned on him that the woman had been referring to his pants zipper.Well, he thought to himself ,I think I’ll have a little fun with that lady,so he finished shopping and went up up her register.
When it was his turn he said to her “hey lady” “when you saw my barracks door was open ,did you see a soldier standing at attention?” The lady thought for a moment and then replied “um…No,All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffle bags.”

A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.

As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.

The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.”