Category: bar & drinking

A drunk is taking a leak right on the street.
A policeman says to him:
– You could have done it behind the corner!
– My dick is no fire hose, you know?
An international competition for the title of the manliest man comprised three
tests. Every participant must:
1. Drink in one gulp a bottle of vodka;
2. Walk into a cage and shake hands with a female bear,
and 3. to make love to a woman from a remote Siberian village who never in her
life took a bath.
A Frenchman drank all of the vodka, and dropped dead.
An Englishman drank vodka, then walked into the cage, and dropped dead when he
saw the female bear.
A Russian drank vodka, and walked into the cage. There was a noisy commotion,
and then the Russian walked out of the cage, buttoning his pants, and asked,
“Where is the woman to shake her hand?”

A man goes into a bar and sees a pile of cash on a table beneath a big sign
that reads “$2,000 Cash Prize! See bartender for Details.”

Keeping one eye on the stack of money, the man goes over and asks the
bartender what he has to do to win the prize.

“You have to do three things and its all yours,” the bartender says.

“Just three things?” the guy asks, rubbing his hands now and imagining about
walking out of the bar $2,000 richer.

“What are the three things?”

“Well�, the bartender says, “first you have to go over to that 200-pound
bouncer and knock him out…”

“After that, I’ve got a mean-tempered pit bull in the backroom who needs a
tooth pulled…”

“Then you have to go and make love to the 80-year-old lady who lives
upstairs.”

“No problem,” the guy says. He struts over to the bouncer and says, “Hey pal
your shoelace is untied.”

When the bouncer looks down at his shoes, the man flattens him with a single,
solid uppercut.

Next he heads to the back room where the pit bull is housed.

The bartender can hear tremendous commotion from the back room it sounds like
the pit bull has gone crazy.

After a few minutes the man emerges from the backroom, quite bloody and cut up
and breathing heavily.

“Okay,” he says, “where’s the old broad that needs her tooth pulled??”

that the last time she saw 98765 was on the scale

Question: What do you tell a bitch with two blacked-eyes??? Answer:NOTHING!!!You already told her TWICE!!!

This guy was walking to the bar and outside there was a sign saying, �Pay a dollar, make the donkey laugh and get a free beer.�

The guy does this and gets his free beer.

The next night the guy sees a different sign.

It reads, pay a dollar make the donkey cry and get a free beer. He does this and gets his free beer.

The barman then asks, ” How did you do it?”

The guy answers, ” To make the donkey laugh I told him my dick was bigger then his and to make him cry I showed him”

MAN COMES HOME AND SAYS TO WIFE “LOOK OLIMPYIC CONDOMS IM GONA WERE GOLD TO NITE “” WIFE SAYS “” CANT U WERE SILVER AND CUM SECOND FOR A CHANGE “” ?!!!!

“

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Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar. One is crying. The other asks what’s wrong.”I’ve puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me.” The other drunk says “do what I do pal. Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked on you. Put a ten spot in your shirt pocket and tell her that the drunk was sorry and gave you ten dollars to have your clothes cleaned.” “Sounds like a great idea” says drunk number 1. When he gets home, sure enough his wife is fuming and begins yelling at him about his clothes and how disgusting he is. The drunk starts spinning the lie and says ” look for yourself, there’s ten bucks in my shirt pocket.” His wife looks in the pocket and finds twenty dollars.”Wait a minute, I thought you said the guy gave you ten for puking on you,” says the wife.”He did,” says the drunk.”But he shit in my pants too.”

your mamas glassses are so thik
that when she looks at the map
she sees people waving

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town one dusty, dry, Wild West day and proceed to the first saloon, where they tie up their trusty steeds and head in for a snort.After a while a stranger walks into the bar and asks, ‘Who owns the white horse tied up outside?’The Lone Ranger said, ‘Why, that would be mine. Why do you ask?”Because it�s collapsed and looks like it’s dying,’ says the stranger.So the Lone Ranger and Tonto head out to check on Silver.’He’s probably just suffering from the heat,’ says the Lone Ranger, who asks Tonto if he could run around Silver for a while to help keep him cool.The Lone Ranger returns to the bar and after half an hour another stranger walks in and asks, ‘Who owns the white horse outside?’The Lone Ranger says, ‘That’s mine, what’s the problem this time?”Oh, no problem,’ says the stranger, ‘it’s just that you’ve left your injun running.’

After a big fight broke out in a pub, the police were called in, as staffwere cleared away the debris, they spotted old Ron, a regular customer, lying uncocious in a corner. As he came round, one of the policemen asked him:”Did you get in fracus.” Ron replied: “No, in the nose.”

you momas so stupid it took her two hours to watch 60 minutes