Category: bar & drinking

what did the sea say to the sand? nothing it just waved!

So this new bar opens and the owner can’t think of a name. So he decides to
name the bar after the 3rd person who walks in. It takes doesn�t take long and
soon the 3rd customer walks in.

the owner jumps up and walks over to the girl. �You’re the 3rd person to enter
my bar and I’m going to name it after you.�

�Okay�, she says, �my name is Jill�.

The owner looks her over and says, �I like your legs so I’m going to name the
bar ‘Jill’s Legs’�

The next day a bum is sitting outside the bar and a cop asks him what he’s
doing. He answers, �Waiting for Jill’s Legs to open so I can get a drink!�

Why did the man fill his waterbed with beer?

He wanted a foam mattress.

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Tantilazing

There are two pieces of tarmac sitting by the side of the bar, and they are having a drinking contest, to see which one is the hardest.
After 12 shots of vodka, both pieces of tarmac are still unfazed, when suddenly the door opens and a red piece of tarmac walks in.
Upon which seeing the red piece of tarmac, one piece of tarmac runs into the john.
An hour later, he ventures out and discovers that the red piece of tarmac has left, so he ventures out and upon seeing the other piece of tarmac, he is asked why he ran off.
To this he replies ”Haven’t you heard about him?, He’s a CYCLE-PATH !!!!!!”

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I can pee farther than anyone else”

“Yeah” the bartender says.

“Sure, and I can pee right on the spot from 75 feet away” the guy says.

“Yeah right” the bartender says.

“It’s true, in fact, I’ll bet you 100 dollars that I cam pee right into a beer bottle 75 feet away and not spill a drop” the guy says.

“Go ahead” the bartender says smiling at the chance to make some easy money.

So a beer bottle is placed on the floor 75 feet away. Then the guy whips out his dick and starts peeing. He pees on the wall, he pees on the floor, he pees on the ceiling and bar, he even pees on the bartender. He pees everywhere EXCEPT in the bottle.

The bartender starts smiling and tells the guy to pay up. The guy goes into another room, comes out a few minutes later with a big grin on his face and pays the bartender. The bartender then says to the guy, “Why are you so happy, you just lost a hundred bucks?”

Then the guy says “”Well, I just bet the guys in the other room a thousand bucks that I could pee all over your bar and not only would you not mind, but you’d be smiling.”

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. “Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.” “Actually, no” he replies. “Can you get him for me – I need to speak to him?” she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. “I’m afraid I can’t” breathes the barman – clearly aroused. “Is there anything I can do?” “Yes there is. I need you to give him a message” she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. “Tell him” she says “that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.”

Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub, when they spotted an Irishman sitting off in the corner. To have a little fun, one of them approached him.”Did y’know that St. Patrick was a sissy?””Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye.”The man returned to his friends, complaining that it hadn’t worked. The second decided to try.”Did y’know that St. Patrick was a transvestite?””Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye.”The second man returned to his friends, amazed that it hadn’t worked. The third man knew he had the solution.”Did y’know that St. Patrick was an Englishman?””Oh, no. But that’s what y’r friends hae been trying to tell me.”

One day a guy walks in a bar and asks for five shots of whiskey. The bartender asks why. The guy says, “I found out my brother is gay.” The same guy, comes in the next day and asks for ten shots of whiskey. The bartender asks why. The guys says, “I found out my other brother is gay.” The next day, the same guy comes in and asks for fifteen shots of whiskey. The bartender asks why. The guy says, “I found out my other brother is gay.” The bartender says, “Doesn’t anyone like pussy anymore?” The guy says, “Yeah, my sister.”

Question:Why was ashanti sweating in her video foolish?

Answer:Cause she kelp on running back to you.

By:Tamequa

The one thing you need to know when drinking beer is to learn your limits.

I’m just a slow learner…

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, �Quick pour me twelve drinks.� So the bartender pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another. The bartender says to the guy, �Boy you are drinking those drinks really fast.� The guys says, �Well, you would be drinking really fast too if you had what I’ve got.� The bartender says, �What’ve you got?� The guy says, �75 cents.�

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, “I’m sorry, I can’t serve you here unless you are wearing a tie.” The man says, “Okay, I’ll be right back,” and goes to his car to find anything he can use for a tie. All he finds is a set of jumper cables, so he ties them around his neck, goes back in and asks, “How’s this?” The bartender replies, “Well, okay, but don’t start anything.”