Category: bar & drinking

Three men walk into a bar,You think one or them would have seen it!

how do you castrate a redneck?
kick his sister in the jaw!

Two Drunk Irishmen are walking down a set of railway tracks,First Irishman: “Jesus Christ Pat, I’ve never seen so many stairs”Second Irishman: “Fuck that Mick, it’s this low railing that’s killing me”

A man walks into a bar, and sees a horse setting by a pot full of money.

He walked up to the bartender, and asked”whats the horse and money for?”

The bartender says”If you can make him do anything other then sit there, you can have all that money”

So, the man took the horse to the back room, and a few minutes later he came back and the horse was laughing. so he took the money and left.

A few years later the man came back, and the horse was still laughing. The bartender said if you can make him do anything else, you can have all the money next to him.

so the man took the horse to the back room again and a few minutes later he came back and the horse was crying.

the bartender said”You can have the money, but what did you do?”

The man leaned over and said”The first time I told him I had a bigger dick then him, then the second time I showed him”

WHAT DID THE BISCUIT SAY WHEN IT BROKE

OH CRUMBS

you are so ugly even youre slutty mother rejects u

A man walks into a bar… OUCH!!!

While nursing a drink at a bar, a young woman was distressed to see a drunken
unkempt man sit down next to her.

“say, honey-baby … i’d really like tiger into those pants o�douis.”

“thanks,” she shot back, “but i’ve already got an a****** in there.”

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “what’s the matter?”The fellow replies, “well I’ve got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well… I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods.” The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do.”Why don’t you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?” The man stops crying and says, “that sounds like a good idea, I think I’ll try it.” A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before.”What’s the matter now?” the bartender asks. The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, “I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can’t tell them apart again!” The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, “why don’t you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back.” The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. “I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and… it… it… grew back!”The bartenter, now furious at the guy’s general stupidity, yells, “for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!” The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar. The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery.”It worked, it worked!” he exclaims.”I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!”

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really desperate for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING: The conscumption of alcahol may mack you tink you can tipe real gode

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

what did the sea say to the sand? nothing it just waved!

Rumor has it that Hollywood madam Heidi Fleisch is opening a string of brothels to be known as “Starfucks”!