Category: bar & drinking

Hello Lips,Tits and Ass!

One day a pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.The bartender says,”Sir,I hope you know theres a steering wheel in your pants.”The pirate replies,”I know.Its drivin me nuts!”

At a World Brewing Convention in the United States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day’s conferencing.Bruce, the boss of Fosters, shouted to the barman, ‘in ‘Strailya, we make the best bloody beer in the world, so pour me a Fosters, cobber.’Rob, chief of Budweiser, calls out, ‘In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all. Give me a pint of Bud.’Hans steps up next, ‘In Germany we invented beer. Give me a Weisen, the real king of beers.’Up steps Dutchman Jan, chief executive of Grolsch, who states that Grolsch is the ultimate beer and asks for one with two fingers of head on top.Patrick, the CEO of Guinness, steps forward. ‘Barman, give me a coke with ice please.’The other four stare at him in stunned silence with amazement written all over their faces. Eventually Bruce asks, ‘Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?’Patrick replies, ‘Well, if you bastards aren’t drinking, then neither am I’

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender, “Give me six double vodkas.”
The barman says “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.”

“Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.

When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender said “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

“Yeah, my wife…”

A highly timid little man ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx. He cleared
his throat and then asked, “Um, err, which one of you gentlemen owns the
Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?”

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through
the seams, turned slowly on his chair, and looked down at the quivering little
man. “It’s my dog. Who’s asking?”

“Well,” squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, “I believe my dog
just killed your Doberman, sir.”

“What?” roared the big man in disbelief. “What kind of dog do you have?”

“Sir,” answered the little man, “It’s a four week old puppy.”

“A four week old puppy!” roared the biker, “How could your four week old puppy
kill my Doberman?”

“Well, it appears that your Doberman choked on it, sir.”

This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little
man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy
notices it.

�Hey, what’s that?�

�A twelve-inch pianist. Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a
wish, I got a twelve inch pianist.�

�Can I try?� The man with the piano agrees and a minute later, a million ducks
fill the room.

�Ducks? I didn’t wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!�

�Ya think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist?�

Why did the Antarctica get on the roof of the bar?
She heard drinks were on the house.

yo mama is so old she farts dust

There once was this guy who walked into a bar and ordered a counter-lunch. When his meal arrived he noticed a pile of peas on his plate. The man stares at them for a moment and than proceeds to tell the barman, “Gee, I haven’t had a pea in forty years.” The barman then yells to the entire pub, “Quick, anyone who can’t swim grab a chair!”

stephy-hey matin lets have sex 3 times a day.
martin-hey lets start by doing it now.
stephy-great.martin pick the condum.
martin-deal.i pik the sexy sex warm smmoth one.
stephy-ok.
martin-hey my dick is growing ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

hey

A brunette walks into a bar and says, “Gimme an ML�. The bartender says, “
What’s an ML?” She says, ” A Miller Light�.

Another Brunette walks in and says, “Gimme a BL�. The bartender says, “What’s
a BL?” She says, “Bud Light�.

A dumb blonde walks in and says, “Gimme a 15�. The bar tender says,” What’s a
fifteen?” She says�, 7,&7, duh!”