Category: bar & drinking

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw.

Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, ‘Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women – what’s his secret? He’s as ugly as sin and I’m everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night – What’s going on?’

‘Well,’ Said the Barman, ‘I don’t know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows…’

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Your Momma

A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench and orders a cold one. He swigs down the beer, looks in his pocket, cringes and orders another. He gulps down that one, looks in his pocket again, cringes and orders yet another one. This goes on for at least an hour and a half. Finally the bartender, bursting with curiousity, says, “I know it’s none of my business buddy, but I have to ask. Why the whole “drink, look in pocket, cringe and order another one” routine?” “Well,” slurred the man, “There’s a picture of my wife in my pocket. When she starts to look good, then it’s time for me to go home.”

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, “Why the long face?”

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy
him a drink.

‘Why, of course,’ comes the reply.
The first man then asks, ‘Where are you from?’

‘I’m from Ireland,’ replies the second man.

The first man responds by saying, ‘you don’t say. I’m from Ireland too. Let’s
have another round to Ireland.’

‘Of course,’ replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks, ‘Where in Ireland are you from?’

‘Dublin,’ comes the reply.
‘I can’t believe it,’ says the first man, ‘I’m from Dublin too. Let’s have
another drink to Dublin.’

‘Of course,’ replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, ‘What school did you go to?’

‘St Mary’s,’ replies the second man, ‘I graduated in 1962.’

‘This is unbelievable,’ the first man says. ‘I went to St Mary’s and I
graduated in 1962 too.’

About that time, one of the regulars comes in and sits down at the bar.

‘What’s been going on?’ he asks the barman.

‘Nothing much,’ replies the barman. ‘The O’Malley twins are drunk again.’

A guy and his son go into a bar. The son is just a head though. The man asks the bartender for two shots. The man takes one shot and gives the other one to his son. The son swallows down the drink and out pops an arm. The man thought,”Hey this is good.” So he asks for two more shots. He drinks one and gives the other to his son again, and out pops another arm. The man the asks for a double and gives it to his son. The son throws it down and suddenly explodes. The bartender looks over at the man and says,” Looks like he should have quit while he was ahead.’

your gay

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.

One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.

The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri!”

“No, I’m sorry,” replied the bartender, “it’s a hickory daiquiri, doc.”

Q)If a ruster lays an egg on the peek of the roof. what side would the egg roll down?

A)the egg wont roll because rusters dont lay eggs!!!!!

one day one man kirykkan

Two guys walk into a bar, and immediately they see someone fall right off his stool, flat on his ass. So they pick him up, and being good Samaritans, decide that this guy’s too drunk to walk by himself, and figure they should walk him home.

So they stand him up and try to get him to walk, but he falls flat on his face. They pick him up, and the guy’s feet are dragging on the ground.

They go a couple of blocks and try to get him to walk again, but nope, he falls flat on his face.

They get him to his apartment eventually, and try to get him to walk up the stairs, but he falls again. So they drag him to his apartment, and knock on his door.

The guy’s wife answers and says “Oh, thanks for bringing my husband back. Where’s his wheelchair?”

A guy walks into a bar with 3 ducks under his arm. the barman, a curious fellow, wants a word with the ducks but knows the man would object. after an hour, the man goes to the toilet.

“Hi, what’s your name,” he asks the first duck

“Luey”

“What you been doing today”

“I’ve been playing around in Puddles”

“Nice, and your are?” he askes the second

“Huey”

“And what have you been doing today?”

“I’ve been in and out of Puddles all day, and given the chance I’d do it again”

“Oh,” and to the last,” you must be Duey?”

“NO! I’m Puddles, and don’t you dare ask me how my days been!”

Editted by Curtis