Category: bar & drinking

A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, “Reebok”. She thinks that’s a bit odd and asks him about it. Dennis says, “When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement.”

A bit later, his pants are off and she sees “Puma” tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word “AIDS” tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock..

“I’m not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!”

He says, “It’s cool baby, in a minute it’s going to say “ADIDAS”.

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink, and he said �No thanks, I don’t drink, I tried it once but I didn`t like it!� So the bartender said, �Well would you like a cigarette,� but the man said �No, I don’t smoke, I tried it once but I didn`t like it!� The bartender asked him if he’d like to play a game of pool, and again the man said �No I don’t like pool, I tried it once but I didn`t like it. As a matter of fact I wouldn`t be here at all, but I’m waiting on my son!� The bartender said, �Your only son I presume!!�

A guy walks into a bar and talks to a buch of people at a table and then goes up to the bartender and says i bet you $5.00 that i can piss in that glass from here so the bartender takes the bet and the guy pulls down his pants and pisses all over the bartenders counter and the bartender starts laughing and says HAHA you owe me $5.00 and then the guy goes HAHAHA i just bet those people over there 10.00 that i could piss on your counter and make you laugh!

Three men walk into a bar and one ducks!

It’s forty below zero one winter night in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, “You owe me quite a bit on your tab.” “Sorry,” says Pat, “I’m flat broke this week.” “That’s okay,” says the bartender.”I’ll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall.” “But,” says Pat, “I don’t want any of my friends to see that.””They won’t,” says the bartender.”I’ll just hang your parka over it until it’s paid.”

yo mama so fat she sat in a monster truck and turned it into a lowrider

A guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch. The
bartender, a little worried, asks him if he’s okay.

“No, I’m not,” the guy replies.

“I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend.”

“Well,” asks the bartender, “what did you say to your wife?”

“Nothing. I’m not speaking to that bitch anymore.”

“Well, what did you say to your best friend?”

“BAD DOG! BAD DOG!”

Dear, watch for deers while Iam driving.Wife replied, dear it is deer not deers.Husband shouted. look honey there are three deer about to cross the highway. Gosh , shouted the wife, YOU ARE A FAST LEARNER.

The landlord of a pub, is just locking up, when there’s a ring on the doorbell. He opens the door, and there’s a snail sitting there.”What do you want?”asks the landlord.The snail replies that he wants a drink.”Go away, we’re closed, and we don’t serve snails anyway”.The snail pleads and pleads with the barman to give it a drink, at which the landlord gets fed up, picks the snail up, throws it as far as he can, and then slams the door shut…… Exactly one year later, he’s locking up again, and there’s a ring at the doorbell. The landlord opens the door, and looks down to see a snail sitting there.”What do you want” says the landlord.”What did you do that for” says the snail.

Q-Why did the little girl fall of the swing??

A-because she had no arms

A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with
buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, “Wow, that’s a really
fancy watch�.
Thanks, says the guy, “It’s the cutting edge of technology. I can
telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it’ll answer me,
telepathically.”

“Rubbish,” says the girl.

“No, it’s true,” says that guy. “Look, tell you what, I’ll prove it. I’ll ask
it if you’ve got any panties on.”

The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk
to his watch, then opens them and says, “Nope, it says you haven’t got any
panties on.”

“Well, it’s wrong,” says the girl, “I do have panties on.”

“Damn,” says the guy, slapping his watch, “it’s an hour fast!”

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink
named after you!”

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, “You have a drink named Steve?”