Category: bar & drinking

Starkle starkle little twinkwho the hell you are I thinkI’m not under what you callthe alcofluence of incoholI’m just a little slort of sheepI’m not drunk like tinkle peepI don’t know who is me yetbut the drunker I stand herethe longer I getJust give me one more drinkto fill me cup’cuz I got all day soberto Sunday up.:-)

ye ruz 2 nafar miguzand vali sedaye yekishun miad…

So a guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants.

When he walks up to the bar and orders a drink, the bar tender
says:
“Gee that must be a bit annoying mate”

The guy replies: “Yeah, it�s driving me nuts!”

This guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine.

Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks
around and says: “You isn�t from around here, are yaw… where yaw from, boy?”

The guy says, “I’m from Iowa�.

The bartender asks, “What the’ hell you do in Iowa?”

The guy responds, “I’m a taxidermist�.

The bartender asks, “A taxidermist… now just what the’ hell is a
taxidermist?”

The guy says “I mount animals.”

The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, “It’s OK boys, he’s one
of us!”

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.””Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!” she screamed.”Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”

A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers. The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is. “Well” said the drunk, “it looks like plastic and feels like rubber.” “Let me have it” said the lawyer. Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely. “Yes” he finally said, “it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don’t know what it is. Where did you get it?” “From my nose” the drunk replied.

ok there is an american,a mexican, and an arabian. first the arabian takes a shot of burban and throws his glass at the wall and it shatters he says there so much sand in arabia that i dont have to drink out of the same glass twice. then the mexican takes a shot and does the same and says there so much glass in mexico that i dont have to drink with the same glass twice. then the american takes a shot pulls out a gun and shoots both the immagrints and says that there are so many of you immagrints in my country that i dont have to drink with the same immagrint twice.

An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, �I will give you three wishes.� The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, �I want a beer that never is empty.� With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes. The man says, �I want two more of these.�

one hoe came into a bar and the pimp spotted her and said,”hey hoe you owe me 20.00″,
the hoe said,”no i only owe you 10.00.
the pimp said,” Bitch dont correct me”
The second hoe comes in and the pimp spotted her to so he went up to her and said,”Hey hoe you owe me 20.00″ and the hoe said,”No i only woe you 15.00. The pimp then said ,”Bitch dont correct me”
The third hoe comes in and the pimp also spots her and says,”Hey hoe you owe me 30.00″ and the hoe says,”No i only owe you 20.00″. Then the pimp said to her,”Bitch dont correct me”
Then the fourth hoe comes in….
(the person who your talking to)says:theres only three hoes
(the one telling the joke)says,”I told you Bitch, dont correct me!(he then chases you)

A cop pulls over a drunk driver. The drunk driver says, “Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!”

A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench and orders a cold one. He swigs down the beer, looks in his pocket, cringes and orders another. He gulps down that one, looks in his pocket again, cringes and orders yet another one. This goes on for at least an hour and a half. Finally the bartender, bursting with curiousity, says, “I know it’s none of my business buddy, but I have to ask. Why the whole “drink, look in pocket, cringe and order another one” routine?””Well,” slurred the man, “There’s a picture of my wife in my pocket. When she starts to look good, then it’s time for me to go home.”

Hello Lips,Tits and Ass!