Yours Fun Portal !
At the end of the night a man leaves the bar.
Outside he sees a nun. He walks over to her and slaps her in the face. Then he punches her in the stomach and knocks her over.
He proceeds to kick her several times and when he’s done he bends down to her and says, “not so tough tonight, are you Batman?”
A guy walks into a bar and hears this voice say,
‘Hey, you’re a pretty good-looking guy.’
Upon, further investigation, he realizes that the voice is coming from a bowl of nuts.
So he asks the barman, ‘What’s this?’
The bartender replies, ‘They’re complimentary peanuts.’
yo i love yop
A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Jew, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and asks, ”Is this some kind of joke?”
yo mama is so fat when she jumped in the ocean the whales came up and started singing you are family!
A man walked into a shop and found the clerk stalking flies with a fly
swatter.
“Have you gotten any?” he asked.
The clerk replied, “Yeah. Three males and two females.”
“How do you tell the difference?” the man asked curiously.
“Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone!”
A moose walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face, buddy?”The moose says, “You’d have a long face too if you had sex only once a year!”
A guy walked into a bar.
He said:
Ouch!!!
Do you get it?
If not, try replacing bar with pole
A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole whose
selling point was that it was on top of the largest
skyscraper in town. Another man walks in and asks the
bartender for a Jack Daniel’s. He downs it, and then takes
a running leap out the window. Much to everybody’s
surprise, he floats back up and climbs through the window
back into the bar. The man at the bar is amazed and asks
the man how he did it.
“Easy,” says the man. “Outside this window are some very
strong wind currents which can carry you back to the
window.”
“Wow,” says the man at the bar. “I gotta try this.” He
takes a running leap out the window and falls to a
horrible, bloody, and flat death.
“Geez, Superman,” says the bartender. “You can be a real a
jerk when you’re drunk.”
what do you call a person with a mobile phone? A walkie talkie
A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, “I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass.”The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn’t even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, “Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?”The man answers, “Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar.”
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, “What’ll it be buddy?”The man says, “Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.” The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he’s doing all this drinking. “You’d drink them this fast too if you had what I have.” The bartender hastily asks, “What do you have pal?” The man quickly replies, “I have a dollar.”