egg and bacon walk into a bar. bartender says “we dont serve breakfast here!”
Category: bar & drinking
Drunk driver
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the
highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a Breathalyzer.
”I can’t do that, officer.”
”Why not?”
��because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that
tube.”
”Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the station.”
”Can’t do that either, officer.”
”Why not?”
”Because I’m a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.”
”Alright, we could get a blood sample.”
”Can’t do that either, officer.”
”Why not?”
”Because I’m a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.”
”Fine then, just walk this white line.”
”Can’t do that either, officer.”
”Why not?”
”Because I’m drunk.”
Tough Mice
Three mice were sitting in a bar talking about how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says, “I play with mouse traps for fun. I’ll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times.” And with that he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says, “That’s nothing. I take those Decon tablets, cut them up and snort them just for the fun of it.” And with that he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up and walks away.
The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, “Where the heck are you going?”
The third mouse stops and replies, “I’m going home to screw the cat.”