Category: bar & drinking

A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, when a Chinese man comes in. The Jewish man jumps up and punches him in the face.”Ouch!” the Chinese man says.”What was that for?””That was for Pearl Harbour,” the Jewish man says.”But I’m Chinese!””Chinese, Japanese, what’s the difference?” And the Jewish man sits back down.A few minutes later, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face.”Ouch!” the Jewish man says.”What was that for?””That was for sinking the Titanic,” the Chinese man says.”Sinking the Titanic??? But that was an iceberg!””Ice berg, Goldberg, what’s the difference?”

What happened when the priest cracked one off at the baptism?

The smell was so horrendous that an elderly member of the congregation had to be taken outside to sit down

A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.
“Say, how old are you anyway?” the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing.

“Thirteen,” she replied with a shy smile.

“Thirteen??? My God, girl! You get those clothes back on at once at get the hell outta here! Are you crazy?” he thundered.

Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet smiled and said, “Superstitious, huh?”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and says “Hey bartender give me a beer”.

The bartender says – “I’m sorry we don’t serve food here”.

a guy in a bar asks for a beer but the bartender says no your way to drunk so the guy goes in the side door and asks for a beer but the bartender says no your way to drunk so the guy goes in the other side door and asks for a beer. nooooooooo more beers says the bartender. so the guy comes in the back door. and the bartender yells at him, nooooooooo more beer. how many bars do you work at asks the guy

WHAT IS E.T. SHORT FOR ?
BECAUSE HE HAS SHORT LEGS…

After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, ”You wanna hear a blonde joke?” The person replies, ”I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?” The man thinks for a while and replies, ”Not if I have to explain it three times.”

Women goes into a bar with a duck under her arm. Bartenders says “what’ll the pig have.” The woman says, “that’s not a pig, that’s a duck!”. I know says the bartender, “I was talking to the duck.”

A man was out of town on business. While sitting around his hotel he became
bored. So he thought to himself, “Hmm, a beer would be really nice right now.”
So he began to wander the streets of the unfamiliar city, looking for a bar.
And, after a few minutes he came across one. He casually went inside and took a
seat at the bar.

The bartender walks up and asks the man what he is drinking. Anxiously, the
man says, “Bud Light please.”

The bartender then asked what the name of his penis was. The man looked at him
with confusion and said, “What are you talking about? All I want is a Bud Light
and, besides, I have no name for my penis.”

The bartender, calming the man, said, “Look around, all you see is men. That
is because this is a gay bar. And the tradition is, when you order a drink, you
state the name of your penis. Then I’ll serve you a drink.”

three men walk into a bar you would think the last one would of seen it

A cowboy walks into a saloon and orders a whiskey, which he then throws back in one quick gulp.

Immediately he rushes back outside, lifts his horse�s tail and gives it a huge smacking kiss square on the hole.

He then goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey.

The bartender slides it along the bar, and once again the cowboy downs it, rushes out of the bar, goes to his horse, lifts its tail and gives it a huge kiss.

By the time he goes back into the bar and orders his third shot, a number of other patrons are looking at him with a fair bit of interest.

The bartender decides he�d better ask what�s going on before the cowboy gets too drunk to answer.

“Say, partner, why is it that every time you order a whiskey you go out and kiss your horse on the ass?”

The cowboy, in his best drawl, replies, “Chapped lips.”

The bartender says with some surprise, “Oh, does that cure them?”

The cowboy says, “Nope, but it sure stops me lickin’ ’em.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He drinks the beer, then stands on the bar, drops his pants and pisses all over the place.

The bar tender freaks out. “You dirty disgusting pig! How dare you come into my bar and urinate! I’ll beat the shit out of you…”

The man begins crying. “I’m sorry! Its ruining my life. I can’t sleep. I do it every time I have a drink! It’s worrying me to death, please don’t hit me…”

The bar tender takes pity. “Look, I have a brother who is a psychiatrist,here’s his card, why don’t you see him?”

The man hugs the bartender, shakes his hand and leaves with a thousand thank yous…

Six months later, the man walks into the bar, and orders a drink.

The bartender says, “Okay, here you go… Wait! Weren’t you that guy who..”

“Yes, And I went and saw your brother. He is fantastic, I am completely cured.”

“Well, that’s great. This beer is on the house.”

So the man drinks the beer, stands on the bar, drops his trousers and pisses on the bar.

“You bastard! I thought you said you were cured!”

“I am! It doesn’t bother me anymore…”