Category: bar & drinking

A man had a watch that didnt work. He ask his friend to tell what is wrong. The friend say ” Its because the watch is on your right hand.” The man puts the watch on his left hand and says “Oh there we go!”

HOW DID THE BABY GET RAPED !
IT SUCKED ON A DUMMY .

A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, “Barbender, barbender, I would like a Martoutsy.”

The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drinks in one gulp.

“Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy”, again the bartender brought her a Martini.

By this time the lady is leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang on. She called, “Barbender, your Martoutsys are giving me heartburn.”

Patiently, the bartender came near her and said, “Lady, I am not a barbender, but a bartender, and what you have been drinking is not a Martoutsy, but a Martini, and finally, you do not have heartburn, your tit is hanging in the ashtray.”

hiiiiiii

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. ”Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called ‘Happy Hour’ and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o’ those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and o’ course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness — couldn’t be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later…” And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, ”Sir, I’m afraid I’ll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.” ”Why? Don’t ye believe me?”

What is the difference between driving and getting a blowjob?

You can only hold one beer when you are driving.

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing

TWO BLONDES WALK INOT A BAR

WHAT DO THEY SAY

OUCH

Yo mama eyebrows are so hairy they look like two dirty caterpillars

A guy is tending bar at a sophisticated NY party when two nose-in-the-air women approach. “So, where y’all from?” he asks. “We are from,” one of them answers, “somewhere where people don’t end their sentences with prepositions.” “Oh,” says the bartender. “So, where y’all from, bitch!”

there was a english man irish man scots & man they all went to a
magic slide the english man goes down the slide and wishes for a pot of gold and lands in a pot of gold the scottish went down the slide and wishes for a pot of silver and lands in a pot of silver the irish man goes down the slide and gose weeeeeeeee and lands in a buckit of wee !!!!!

by louis nicholson

A drunk man stumbled into a church where there were baptisms being performed. The priest noticed him and asked him if he wanted to find Jesus. “Sure,” said the drunk man.”I’ll find Jesus.” So the priest took the drunk man’s head and dunked it into the baptismal waters. When he came up for air, he was sputtering and couging.”Damn,” said the drunk man.”Are you sure he fell in there?”

A man walks into a bar. Pretty soon another man walked into the bar. the first
man asked the second “Oh you didn’t see it

either?”