Category: bar & drinking

a vampire walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of blood, naturally the barman tells him to get lost. an hour later another vampire walks into a bar and asks for a pint of blood, again the baraman tells him to get lost. an hour later another vampire walks into the bar, but before he can say anything the barman says “i guess you want a pint of blood” the vampire replies ” no thanks a pint of warm water will do just fine” the barman then exclaims ” but all the other vampires wanted blood” the vampire then pulls out a used tampon from his pocket and says “its all right, ive got a teabag”

Three men were in the bar argueing who had the biggest penis. The bartender told them the only was to settle it was to lay them on the bar. A gay walked in and the bartender ask him could he help him. The gay said that he came in to have a beer but he thought he would have the buffet.

question- what does will young have in common with an oven?

Answer-they both get turned on by knobs.

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says “I want you to see this.” She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around.She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, “what do you have to say about this experiment?”He responds by saying: “If I drink whiskey, I won’t get worms!”

one day a guy walks into a bar and sits down and chats to his friends for abit , this guy then gets up and walksover to the bar manager and says i bet you $300 that i can piss in a glass 3 meters away from me and not miss one bit , so the bar manager says ok your on !

So the manager gives the guy an empty glass and the guy places it 3 meters away …the guy un does his zipper and starts peeing every were but the glass he pees on the bar on the manager.. so the bar manager starts lafing and says hand over the money u=you lost the bet … and the money and starts smiling

and the bar manager says why are you so happy you just lost $300

and the guy awnsers yes i no but i just made a bet with sum guys over there for $600 that i cud piss on the bar and all over you and youd be happy about it

Bartenders do it on the rocks.
Bartenders do it as you wish.
Bartenders do it for tips.

An Irishman visited a local tavern and ordered three beers. When the bartender served him the beers, he lined them up on the bar and began drinking one at a time. Once he had finished the 3 beers, he ordered another round. The bartender offered to the man that he would be glad to draw the beers for him individually so that they would remain cold and fresh.The Irishman replied that he had spent many years drinking beers with his two brothers and he cherished those memories. One of his brothers had been transferred to the Far East and the other to London. By pretending that his brothers were still drinking with him, he was able to reminisce and enjoy himself. The bartender accepted this explanation and, each time the Irishman came to the bar, he continued to serve him the beers in this fashion.One day the Irishman came in and ordered only two beers. The bartender was concerned and offered his condolences, thinking that, perhaps one of the brothers had passed away. “Oh, no’,” replied the Irishman, “…they’re doing just fine…it’s just that I gave up drinking for lent.”

whats better then winning the gold medal at the special olympics

Not being retarded

well one night i was in a bar and gettin drunk and creatin noise then they threw me out and the cops came and said somthin then he said i wasnt drunk out here i was drunk in there u stupid butt head and i got arrested and my mamma got on my butt

yo momma so dumb we told it was chili outside she went and got a bowl

1.You can enjoy a beer all month long.

2.A frigid beer is good.

3.A beer doesn’t care when you come home.

4.When a beer goes flat you can toss it.

5.A beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another beer.

6.A beer never gets a headache.

7.If you pour a beer right, you always get a good head.

8.You can share a beer with a friend.

9.You always know when you’re the first one to pop a beer.

10.A beer is always wet.

11.You can have a beer in public.

12.You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.

13.A beer doesn’t get pregnant.

14.A beer doesn’t have parents.

15.You can say whatever you want to a beer.

16.A beer doesn’t care if you are late.

17.And you can always have several different beers and not feel guilty.

A drunk was sitting at a bar when a woman stood behind him and raised her arm really high to get the bartender’s attention. The drunk saw that she had very hairy armpits. The drunk yelled at the bartender, ‘Get the ballerina a drink!’ She got her drink and went away. Later, she returned and raised her arm again. The drunk saw her and yelled to the bartender, ‘Get the ballerina another drink!’ She got her drink and went away again. The bartender asked the drunk how he knew she was a ballerina when she was a stranger and had never been in the bar before. The drunk replied, ‘She’s got to be a ballerina if she can lift her leg that high.’