Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as it is in the pub. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillage’s, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager. BARMEN.
Category: bar & drinking
3 guys
2 guys walk into a bar the 3rd guy ducks
Ouch
Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth guy ducks.
Viral Warfare in a Bar
Editor’s note: This joke involves a rather disturbing situation with the AIDS virus. Don’t read it if you think making jokes about AIDS is improper….—A guy walks into a bar and tells everyone there “Give me all your money, watches, jewelry and anything else of value or I will inject you with the AIDS virus.” Then he produces a syringe. One by one everyone hands over all their stuff except one man at the end of the bar. “I told you to hand over all your stuff or I’ll inject you with the AIDS virus.” The man at the bar said “Go ahead, I’m wearing a condom.”
A Horse walks into a Bar
A Horse walks into a bar:
“Hey buddy,” says the bartender, “why the long face?”
A man walks into a bar and says outch !…
A man walks into a bar and says outch !
6 Shots of Whiskey
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. ‘What can I get you?’ the barman asks.’I want six shots of whisky,’ responds the young man.’Six shots? Are you celebrating something?”Yeah, my first blowjob.”Well, in that case, let me give you a seventh on the house.’The young man says, ‘No offence sir, but if six shots won’t get rid of the taste, nothing will.’
Left Leg Right Leg
what did the left leg say to the right leg?
we can make a lot of money between us.
A Lorry driver feeling tired after driving…
A Lorry driver feeling tired after driving for days decides to stop by at a b and b. The woman who owns it says “im sorry, were full, u can bunk up if ya want” The man being so desperate agrees.”But i warn u, the guy your sharing with is a heavy snorer”
Morning after.
“The guy didnt disturb u did he?”
“No” replys the guy.
” Before i went to sleep i stripped naked and gave him a big snog on the lips. so he stayed awake all night watching me with a gun!”
Ya momma so old
Ya maomma so old , that when she went to the antique shop somebody tried to buy her.
An anguish man in bar
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers
up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender
for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has
already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this
bar, and could a cab be called for him?
The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off
the bar stool and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He
wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink.
The bartender comes over and, still politely – but more firmly, refuses
service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab. The
drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out
the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the
bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently
orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that
he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police
will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries
“MAIN! How many bars do you work at?
“Michael Jackson”
Q: “What did did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?”
A:”Get out of my “sun”!