This big rough lookin cowboy walks into the bar. He orders up bottle after bottle of rottgutt liquor and proceeds to get really wasted…In the process he manages to anger just about everyone in the bar by being offensive and rude and being a big obnoxious fool… Finally he finishes up his 5th bottle and decides he’s had just about enough. He proceeds to get up and swagger out of the bar. He gets outside to untie his horse from the post and he notices someone has painted his horses balls a real bright shade of yellow. This pisses him off immensely so he proceeds to blow back into the bar, slamming the doors open and yelling out at the top of his lungs. “JUST WHO IN THE SAM-HELL PAINTED MY HORSES BALLS YELLOW!!!!” After everyone in the bar rustles around a bit, a guy in the back of the bar stands up. This guy is HUGE, at least 6’10” tall, pure muscle… He says to the cowboy, “I did, so what do you got to say about it, boy!!!” The cowboy looks back at this guy and says “Oh, I was going to let you know the first coat of paint is dry.”
Category: bar & drinking
Yo mamma is so ugly
your mamma is so ugly, shestuck her head out the window and got arrested for moving
Nice Peanuts
A guy walks into a bar and hears this voice say, ‘Hey, you’re a pretty good-looking guy.’ Upon, further investigation, he realizes that the voice is coming from a bowl of nuts. So he asks the barman, ‘What’s this?’ The bartender replies, ‘They’re complimentary peanuts.’
I think I’ll try a nicer approach
Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out, and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine. One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband’s behavior, and was particularly distraught by it all. The friend listened to her, and then said, “Why don’t you treat him a little differently, when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don’t you give him some loving words, and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways.” The wife thought that might be a good idea. That night, Harry took off again, after dinner. And, about midnight, he arrived home, in his usual condition.His wife heard him at the door, and quickly went to it, and opened the door, and let Harry in.This time, instead of berating him, as she had always done, she took his arm, and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him, and started to cuddle him a little. After a little while, she said to him, “It’s pretty late, dear. I think we had better go upstairs to bed, now, don’t you think?”At that, Harry replied, in his inebriated state, “I guess we might as well. I’ll be getting in trouble with the stupid wife when I get home anyway!”
Ha ha ha
hej du er s� grim at jeg kommer til at gr�der ved at se p� dig
jesus christ superst
JESUS WALKS INTO A BAR +HOLDS OUT 3 NAILS +SAYS TO THE BARTENDER CAN YOU PUT ME UP FOR THE NIGHT
No Way!
A guy and his friend walk into a bar. The guy gets about as drunk as he can get with out passing out. Suddenly, he starts yelling “No Way!” over and over again. He keeps on doing this over and over until his friend comes over. He asks “Hey, what the fuck is your problem?”The guy replies “This guy here says that some guy named George W. Bush is our president!”So the friend replies “First of all, George W. Bush is our president, and second of all, your talking to a stool.”
Ghostly Hump
Two drunks staggering home one night and one decides to take a shortcut through the cemetery. Half way through an apparition appears. “What’s that on your back?” the ghost asks.
“It’s a hump” says the drunk The ghost puts his hand on the drunk’s back and the hump disappears.
He races home and next night at the pub he tells his mate all about it. His mate is amazed and says he is going through the cemetery that night as he has a wooden leg and wants a proper leg. Again half way through the cemetery a ghost appears… “What’s wrong with your leg?” he asks.
“It’s a wooden leg,” says the drunk.
“Have you got a Hump?” asks the ghost.
“No” replies the drunk. So the ghost puts his hand on the drunk’s back and says, “Here, you can have this one.
Today at school we had loads of debates. in…
Today at school we had loads of debates. in history we had a History Debate, in english we had an English Debate but what did we have in Maths??
Jokes
door kahi ek basti thi waha sabhi raande sasti thi unki gaandu main itni masti thi jitna lund dalo utna hasti thi
Yo mamma
yo mamma so funky she had on dove deoderant and they dove flew away{i dont stink my dove didnt fly away}
Boss and his wife
Guy leaves the bar, hoping he can get home early enough not to piss his wife
off for drinking after work. He gets home and finds his boss in bed with his
wife.
Later, back at the bar, the guy tells the bartender the story, “Wow, that’s
awful, what did you do?”
“Well, I carefully snuck back out the door, and hightailed it back here,
shoot, they we’re just getting started, so I figure, I got time for a couple
more beers.”