Category: bar & drinking

A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender replies, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”.

what is the most painful part of a sex change when a man
becomes a woman?

The paycut.

A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.

After sitting down, ordering, and chitchat the Priest says “Have you noticed there are no women in this bar?”

He then realizes the truth “I think we’re in a gay bar.”

A man approaches and is trying to flirt with the priest.

The priest is dumbfounded, and doesn’t know what to do.

The Rabbi leans over and whispers something in the mans ear.

The man walks off.

The Priest says “Thanks, but what did you tell him.”

The Rabbi replies “I just told him we’re on our honeymoon.”

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Wife: Okay, today’s Friday. Where’s your pay envelope?Man: I already spent all my pay. I bought something for the house.Wife: What? What could you buy for the house that cost $480?Man: Eight rounds of drinks.

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.””Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!” she screamed.”Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”

Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when Fred announces that he’s going to divorce his wife.”Good grief,” says Jim, “you and Sue are the happiest couple I know! Why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely woman after all these years of obvious bliss?” “Well,” replies Fred, “truth be known, I’m just bored with screwing the same hole night after night after night. I guess I’m hankerin’ for a bit of variety.” Jim replied, “Well, if you want variety, why don’t you just, you know, turn her over every now and again?”Fred says, “What? And have a house full of kids?”

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over
the road. A cop pulls him over and asks, �Where have you been?�

�I’ve been to the pub�, slurs the drunk.

�Well,� says the cop, �it looks like you’ve had quite a few.�

�I did alright,� the drunk says with a smile.

�Did you know,� says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, �that a
few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?�

�Oh, thank heavens,� sighs the drunk. �For a minute there, I thought I’d gone
deaf.�

Paddy was standing at the bar with a Rottweiler at his feet.

‘Does your dog bite, Paddy?’ asked Mick.

‘No,’ replied Paddy.

So Mick went to pat the dog and the dog just about tore Mick’s arm off.

‘I thought you said your dog didn’t bite,’ screamed Mick.

‘That’s not my dog,’ replied Paddy.

A woman at a party walked up to a man and told him, ”If you were my husband I
would poison your drink.” The man replied, ”If you were my wife I would drink
it.”

Q: How do you pronounce ” Agency “”?
A: Aegean Sea!

“

Gary and Lorne were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Lorne’s penis was twisted like a corkscrew. “Wow,” Gary said.”I’ve never seen one like that before.””Like what?”Lorne said. “All twisted like a corkscrew,” Gary said.”Well, what’s yours like?”Lorne said.”Straight, like normal,” Gary said.”I thought mine was normal until I saw yours,” Lorne said.Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants.”What did you do that for?”asked Lorne.”Shaking off the excess drops,” replied Gary.”Like normal.””Cripes,” Lorne said.”And all these years I’ve been wringing it.”