Category: bar & drinking

A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar. After sitting down, ordering, and chitchat the Priest says “Have you noticed there are no women in this bar?” He then realizes the truth “I think we’re in a gay bar.” A man approaches and is trying to flirt with the priest. The priest is dumbfounded, and doesn’t know what to do. The Rabbi leans over and whispers something in the mans ear. The man walks off. The Priest says “Thanks, but what did you tell him.”The Rabbi replies “I just told him we’re on our honeymoon.”

a man and his friend called donkey (who had a stutter) went into a bar the man went to the bar and said to the barman, ill have a pint for me and a pint for donkey, the barman give him the 2 pints and after the man and his friend donkey drank them the man went to the toliet while the man was at the toliet his friend got the next drink he said to the barman, cccaannn i hh..ave 2 pints, the barman says, thats not fair the way he calls u donkey, donkey replies, heaw heaw he always calls me donkey.

you mom is so fat she can not where a yellow
rain coat with out the kid sthinking the school bus is coming.

Fred, “My uncle had a 3 ring circus.”
George, “No shit?”
Fred, “Yeah, him & 2 other assholes!”

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink, and he said �No thanks, I don’t drink, I tried it once but I didn`t like it!� So the bartender said, �Well would you like a cigarette,� but the man said �No, I don’t smoke, I tried it once but I didn`t like it!� The bartender asked him if he’d like to play a game of pool, and again the man said �No I don’t like pool, I tried it once but I didn`t like it. As a matter of fact I wouldn`t be here at all, but I’m waiting on my son!� The bartender said, �Your only son I presume!!�

what do you call a person with a mobile phone? A walkie talkie
submitted by joanne bell

A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender tells him he owes $8.

“But I already paid you! Don’t you remember?” says the customer.

“Okay,” says the bartender, “if you said you paid, then I suppose you did.”

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the
bartender can’t keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second
man then rushes in, orders a beer, and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, “Okay, if you said you paid, then I suppose you did.”

The customer then goes outside, sees a friend, and tells him how to get free
drinks. The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs. Some
time later, the bartender leans over and says, “You know, a funny thing happened
in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed that
they had paid. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get his butt
kicked.”

The man interrupts, “Don’t bother me with your troubles, bartender. Just give
me my change and I’ll be on my way.”

A black man enters a bar with his gorilla. He says to the bartender, “I would
like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here.”

The bartender looks at him like he’s nuts and says, ” I sorry but I don’t
serve Gorillas in this bar.”

The man has an idea. He takes his girlfriend home and shaves her head, gives
her a wig, dress, and makeup. Then he returns to the same bar. He places the
same order and this time the bar tender gives it to them.

They go and sit in a corner while the bartender turns to his friend and says,
“Damn! Did you ever notice how all the good looking Iraqi ladies that come in
here, always seem to be with black men.

There were two men sitting in a bar drinking. One man said to the other “You know what? I know this bridge, where you can jump off and you bounce right back.

” So the other man says, “No way that’s ridiculous. It simply cannot be possible.”

The first replies, “Come on, I’ll show is to you then.”

So the men, both quite tipsy, saunter out of the bar and walk to the bridge. When they arrive at the bridge the first man say�s, “Here I’ll show you how it works.”

So he climbs up on the edge and jumps off. Seconds later low and behold the man seems to just bounce back up astounding the second man.

The second man says “Hey man, do that again! I can’t believe it…” So the first jumps off again and immediately comes flying back up again.

After seeing this the second man decides to give it a try, after all it all seems quite safe, so he climbs up and jumps off.

After a few moments, the second man doesn’t return, so the first man walks back to the bar, sits down and orders another drink.

The bartender after noticing the second man is missing, turns to the first man and says, “Superman, you’re so damn cruel when you’re drunk!”

What do you call a girl with one arm and one leg?
I lean.

a guys been sitting at the bar drinking for a couple of hours and he has to take a piss. when he stands up to go to the bathroom he falls flat on his face. the bouncer runs over to help him up. hey man the bouncer says to him, your way too drunk to be in hear i gotta ask you to leave! ok ok says the drunk just help me to the door. the bouncer helps him over to the door and outside. sure enough the moment the bouncer lets go of him he falls flat on his face. help me down to the end of the block the drunk asks. the bouncer helps him to the end of the block where the drunk promptly falls flat on his face. hey the bouncer says i cant carry you all over the neighborhood i got patrons i have to take care of!! no dont worry about me answers the drunk, i only live a couple of blocks away. stay out of trouble the bouncer says as he leaves. the drunk then procedes to crawl home. when he gets home he finds that his wife is at home sleeping. this worries him because he agreed to not drink any more. he manages to get to bed without waking her and drifts off to sleep knowing no ones the wiser. the next morning his wife wakes him up and he can see she is realy pissed off. so you were at the bar last night!!! she says to him. no no honey i would never do that to you. yes you would and yes you did she says. the man can see that he is busted so he says yes honey you are right, but tell me how did you know?
the bartender called this morning she answers curtly, it seems you left your wheelchair at the bar!!!!!

One night a little man was sitting on a stool in a bar and a big man walked in and POW! knocked the little man off the stool and said “that was a judo chop from japan” the little man didnt think much of it and got back on the stool but again POW! the big man knocks the little man off the stool and says “that was a karate chop from korea” this time the little man was annoyed so he left the bar. Five minutes later the little man came back and POW! he knocked the big man off the stool and said to the bartender ” when he gets up tell him that was a crowbar from sears”