Category: bar & drinking

Fred and his brother, “Donkey” walks into a pub and Fred gets the first pint
in and says, “I’ll have a pint for me and a pint for Donkey.”

The two guys drink their pints and Fred says, “Right donkey your round; I’ll
have a pint of Guinness.”

Donkey walks up to the bar and says, “2 p pints of g Guinness p please.”

While donkey gets the pints, Fred goes to the toilet and the barman says,
“Say, you shouldn’t let him call you that stupid nickname.”

Donkey replies, “I know. He aw. He awe… he awwwwww, he always calls me
‘Donkey.'”

wargwan to dainii and sophie ma cousin.brap brap

one day a man walked into a pub. The bartender looked at the man and said “how may i help you”, The man looked back and asked for a beer. The bartender spent a second thinking about the order and said “yes sure mate, thats �2.50 please.

A BLOND AND HER FRIEND WALKED PAST THE YMCA AND THE BLOND SAYS THEY SPELLED MACYS WRONG

Paddy was standing at the bar with a Rottweiler at his feet.’Does your dog bite, Paddy?’ asked Mick.’No,’ replied Paddy.So Mick went to pat the dog and the dog just about tore Mick’s arm off.’I thought you said your dog didn’t bite,’ screamed Mick.’That’s not my dog,’ replied Paddy.

Whats the best bit about dating homeless chicks?

You can drop them off anywhere.

Due to increasing product liability litigation, wine manufacturers have
accepted the Medical Association’s suggestion that the following warning labels
be placed immediately on all wine bottles:

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a moron.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story
over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to they sings like this.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at 4 am in the morning!

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your trousers.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without Spitting.

8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung
Fu powers.

9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning
and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can’t remember).

10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead.

11. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really big guy named Frank.

12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.

13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
are laughing with you.

14. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to
literally disappear.

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, ”What’ll it be buddy?”

The man says, ”Set me up with five whiskey shots, and make ’em doubles.” The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all five are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he’s doing all this drinking.

”You’d drink ’em this fast too if you had what I have.”, said the man.

The bartender hastily asks, ”What do you have pal?”

The man drunkenly replies, ”I have a dollar.”

Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home.They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, all she would say as she stroked the officers arm is “Your Passionate.”They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm, “Your Passionate.” The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, Look we have driven around this City for two hours and you still haven’t told us where you live.She replied I keep trying to tell you: “Your Passin It!”

two guys walk into a bar but the third one was lucky enough to go around it.

A man is out, driving happily along in his car late one
Saturday evening. Before too long, the cops pull him over.

The policeman walks up to the man and asks, “Have you
been drinking, sir?”

“Why? Was I weaving all over the road officer?”

“No,” replied, the policeman, “You were driving splendidly.
It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away.”

3 bums were outside a bar. The first one went in and asked for a fork. The
second one went in and also asked for a fork. Then the third one went in and
wanted a straw. At this point, the bartender became curious.

“How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?”

“Well,” the bum said, “the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone.”