there was man walking down a road on his way to a shop,he meets his old budy and they become friendly after sometime his buddy tells him i will give you 500 dollars if you remove your clothes walk into the shop and buy some two choclates, he agrees and strips handing over his clothes to his buddy,he goes into the shop and buys the two choclates but finds his pal gone with his clothes. after some time three ladies pass by and see him he stands still not moving at all,one of the girls go hey look at the candy machines they make these days,so the first girl puts a coin into his mouth and shkes his dic,the second lady did the same and walks with her candy the third girl also did but since the guy just bought only 2 choclates,nothing happened,so the lady tryed again and again, later her friends ask her if she got any candy,she said no, but they give a lot of face cream.
Category: bar & drinking
Moo!
A gay man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender if he could have a margarita, the bartender says sorry we don`t serve gays. Then the gay man says look, I will just take my margarita and sit in a corner reading my book. The bartender says ok.
Then in walks a trucker, and asks the bartender for a beer. Then the two start a convosation and the gay guy decides to listen in on what they are talking about, he hears the trucker say wow im so horney these days i can make out with a cow, and then the gay guy goes moo!
Cultured
Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar.
The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, “We don’t serve your kind in here.”
One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, “Why not? We’re cultured individuals.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
12-inch prick
Another guy walks into a bar with a one-foot man sitting on his shoulder.
He ordered a beer.
The bartender was curious as he got the beer for the guy, but as he put the
beer down on the bar, before the gut could reach it, the little man lepta off
his shoulder and picked up the beer and dumped it in the guys lap.
The guy sighs and asks for a shot of whisky.
As soon as the glass hits the bar, the little man threw the drink in the guts
face and smashed the shot glass against the Wall.
“I have to know…. where did you get that guy?”
“Well… I’ll tell you… I was walking on the beach, saw a brass lamp, rubbed
it, and a genie came out. He said I could have one wish. I asked for a twelve
inch prick and this is what I got…”
What has 90 teeth and fights a big hary monster….
What has 90 teeth and fights a big hary monster.
My zipper
Tough guy eh?
A man and his girlfriend are at a bar when the girl goes to the bathroom. When she comes back she’s crying. Her boyfriend asks her what happend.
“As I was leaving the bathroom, a big guy at the pool table said he wanted to kiss my breasts all night long”!
The boyfriend stood up from his stool and takes off his jacket.
“He also said he wants to screw me all night long”!! By this time the boyfriend is furious and starts walking to the pool table.
“He said he wants to drink beer from my pussy all night”!!! The boyfriend stops, turns around, sits back up on his stool and grabs his beer.
His girlfriend is stunned, and asks why he wasn’t doing anything about the jerk at the pool table.
The boyfriend says “I’m sorry Honey, – but I’m not messing around with a guy that can drink that much beer”!
Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the husband talks and the wife listens. In the second year of marriage, the wife talks and the husband listens. In the 3rd year of marriage both of them talk and the neighbours listen.
Men are like…
Men are like coolers……load them with beer and you can take them anywhere… Men are like chocolate bars….. sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips…. Men are like horoscopes….. they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong….
The Punk and the Old Fart
There was an old man in a bar who was staring at a punk in the corner. The punk had multicolored, spiked hair and multicolored feather earings.
After a while the punk got mad and said to the old man “What are you staring at?”
“Back when I was in the army I got really drunk one night and fucked a parrot.
I was wondering if you were my son.”
We’re Lesbians
This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He
calls the bartender over and says, “I’d like to Buy those two ladies a drink.”
The bartender replies, “It won’t do you any good�.
The man, with a confused look on his face says, “It doesn’t matter, I want to
buy those women a drink�.
The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the
drink with a nod of their heads.
About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, “I’d like to
buy you two another drink�.
The women both reply, “It won’t do you any good.”
The man says, “I don’t understand. What do you mean it won’t do me any good?”
The first lady says, “We’re lesbians.”
The man replies, “Lesbians? What are lesbians?”
The second woman replies, “Lesbians… We like to lick pussy’s.”
The man says, “Bartender, three beers for us lesbians�.
Special order at the bar
A man walked into a bar and as he walked in he saw a sign on the wall that said – Cheese Sandwich- $3.00 – Chicken Sandwich- $4.00 – Hand Job- $10.00The man reached into his wallet and got out the proper amount of money as he was doing so he saw this beautiful blonde waitress and called her over. She walked up and said, “Sir, can I help you?”The man said, “Why yes. Are you the one that does the hand jobs around here?” She said, “Why yes I am” , with a sly grin. The man looked up at her with a serious look, a slight grin, shaking his head, and said, “Well then darlin’…wash your hands and get me a cheese sandwich.”
Jelly beans
what can jelly beans do that you cant cum in different colors