Category: bar & drinking

you so bald i can see whats on your mind!

Your momma is so dumb she heard it was gonna be chilli out side and she went out with a bowl and spoone

a man walked into a bar ouch!

You might be a redneck if you go to a bar and someone gets on a microphone and says its going to be a hoe down and you throw your girlfriend on the floor!!

A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua on a leash.

She sits down next to a drunk.

The drunk rolls around, leans over and�splat!�he pukes all over the dog.

Looking down, the vagrant sees the little dog struggling in his pool of vomit, and slurs, �I don�t remember eating that.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

How many Frat boys does it take to change a lightbulb? 11… One to hold the lightbulb, and 10 to drink until the room spins.

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman charges him 10 cents. Confused, but not complaining, the man pays.
After a while he decides to have another, and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak. The barman charges him 25 cents, 10 for the beer and 15 for the food.

After finishing his food and drink, he calls the barman over and says, “Mate, that was the best steak I’ve ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him.”

“No problem,” says the barman. “He’s upstairs with my wife.” “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?” asks the man.

“Probably the same thing I’m doing to his business down here!”

Two drunks were trying to figure out how to get some alcohol for free. They only had a dollar in change between them. “I’ve got it, follow me.” said the first man. They went to a hot dog stand and bought a dog and threw away the bun. “We’ll go into a bar and order drinks, and when the bartender asks for money, I’ll unzip my fly and pull out the hot dog. You drop to your knees and pretend to suck me off.” The second man agrees to this and they start thier rounds.When they get to the bar, they sit down and have a beer. The bartender tells them, “That will be 3 dollars.”The first man stands up and upzips his fly. The second man drops to his knees and starts sucking on the hot-dog. “You faggots!”, screams the bartender. “Get the hell out of here!” They run out and go to another bar and order drinks and when the bartender asks for money, the first man unzips his fly, and the second man drops to his knees. The bartender throws them out. After the sixth bar the second man complains, “Man this isn’t working out so well, My knees are killing me!””You think you’ve had it bad..”, the first man exclaims. “I lost the hotdog 4 bars ago!”

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him.”You, sir, are drunk!” ”And you ma’am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!”

Q; Whats the cheapest meat you can buy????

A; Deer balls, their under a buck!!!

One night in the small bar, the bartender is lamenting the fact that business is so quiet on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

As he continues talking to his regulars a stranger, dressed in a tweed jacket and wearing sunglasses walks over and says, “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation. I’m a doctor at Psychiatric hospital down the road.

I’m trying to integrate some of the more sane patients into the community. Why don’t I bring some of my patients along, say, next Tuesday. You’ll have some customers and my patients will have a night out.”

Well, the bartender isn’t sure, but the thought of more paying customers on a quiet night appeals to him. So he agrees.

The following Tuesday, the man in the tweed jacket and sunglasses appears with about ten people. He told the bartender, “Give them whatever they want, put it on a tab and I’ll settle up at closing time.”

The bartender has a great time selling loads of drinks and encouraging the patients to eat plenty of peanuts.

The patients have a great time, getting drunk, but they did behave themselves. At closing time the bartender added up the bill and came up to over $250.

The man in the tweed jacket and sunglasses begins to organize the patients, so that they can go back to the hospital.

The bartender approaches the man in the tweed jacket and says, “It comes to $250.”

The man in the tweed jacket and sunglasses smiles and says, “That’s fine. Do you happen to have change for a dustbin lid?”

how do you know a blonde is having a bad day?
when a tampon is behind her ear and she is missing her pencil