Yours Fun Portal !
Three dogs, a Spaniel, an Alsatian and a Great Dane are sitting in the vet’s waiting room. They start chatting.
The Spaniel, it transpires, caused a fatal car accident, while the Alsatian savaged a paperboy. Both are there to be put down.
The Great Dane had mounted his mistress while she bent over to clean the bath and had his way.
“So you’re here to be put down too?” asks the Spaniel.
“No,” replies the Dane, “I’m here to get my nails clipped.”
Q what size bra does steak wear
A A1
A little Indian boy asked his father, “Dad how did I get my name?” “Well, son, when your sister was born we looked out of the teepee and saw a running deer, so we named your sister running deer. When your brother was born we looked out of the teepee and saw a soaring eagle ,so we named him soaring eagle, why do you ask two dogs fucking?
There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found
a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went
first and he said,”I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest.” And he got
his wish.
The rabbit said, “I want a motercycle helmet.” And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, “I wish to be the only male bear in the United
States, and all the rest to be female.” And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, “I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet.” And he
got his wish.
The bear said, “I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest
were females.” And he got his wish.
It was the rabbit’s turn, and he said, “I wish that bear was gay.”
WHY DID THE PIGGY POOPED.
IT REALLY DIDNT POOPED ITS JUST MUD.
This is an actual account by a worker at a technical support and service center. One particular customer had an old console-type machine with a print head that would ride back and forth on a spiral shaft. They also had a big bushy cat who liked to sit on the edge of the printer next to the operator.
Well, one day we got a service call that said, “Cat caught in machine, come quick!”
When I arrived I saw everyone sitting around mending their various wounds, scratches and contusions. No sight of the cat. It appears that while they were running the machine the cat was twirling his tail in his usual fashion and stuck it down into the printer at the most inopportune time and got sucked in! Apparently, the cat absolutely freaked out and clawed at everyone who came close. They finally freed the cat, and to this day, the cat goes nowhere near the machine.
One day during school a little boy went up to his teacher and
said that he had found a frog.
“Was the frog dead or alive?” the teacher asked.
“It was dead,” said the boy.
“How do you know it was dead?” questioned the teacher.
“Cause I pissed in its ear,” the boy replied.
“You WHAT?!?!” exclaimed the teacher.
“You know, I leaned over and went ‘Pssst….'”
A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender “give us two beers over here!”
The bartender walks over and see’s the octopus and he says, “Didn’t you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!”
The man say’s to the bartender, “oh but you don’t understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have.”
The bartender replied back, “well I’ll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!”
The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar.
The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He’s so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!
The bartender was amazed and says, “alright lets try one more”.
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says “lets see him play this!”
The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes. He continues this for quite awhile.
The bartender shouted out ” See I knew he couldn’t play all these instruments!”
And the man replies, “Just give him a few more minutes…
as soon as he figures out he can’t have sex with it, he’ll play it!”
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field.Ten years later, he hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around, and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat.The snail says, ‘What the heck was that all about?’
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead replied, “I’ll take that bet!” Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.
The redhead said, “I can’t take this, you’re my friend.”
The blonde said, “No. A bet’s a bet. You won the money.”
So the redhead said, “Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”
The blonde replied,… “Well, so did I, but I never thought he’d jump again!”
There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “Just follow my lead. They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, “Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.”
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The guy at the door says, “A Doberman Pinscher?”
He says, “Yes, they’re using them now, they’re very good.”
The guy at the door says, “Come on in.”
The guy with the Chihuahua figures, “What the hell,” so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
The guy at the door says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The guy at the door says, “A Chihuahua?”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?”